The One With Monica's Diary
An original fanfic script by Sam Hilton
Scene 1:Monica's bedroom
Rachel is looking in the draws
Ross:(from outside)Ready honey
Rachel: Yeah,I am just looking for the buy one get one free movie ticket
(Rachel opens a draw and pulls out a book with the word Diary on the front)
Rachel: Oh!
Ross: What?
Rachel: I found Monica's diary!
(Ross runs in)
Ross: Give me!
Rachel: No!
(Ross grabs it and pulls on it)
Ross: Give me! Give me! Give me!
Rachel: No!No!No!
(Rachel lets go and Ross falls back on to the bed and rolls off on to the
ground)
Ross: Ow!
OPENING TITLES
Scene 2:Street
(Chandler and Joey are walking down the street and Chandler sees a dog)
Chandler: Hey Joe there's a dog
Joey: Oh That's nice, why are you telling me?
Chandler: He looks lost. Maybe if I take it back to it's owner she will
turn out to be a babe and we start dating and then get married and then
have three kids and then get retired together and then die together.
Joey: Planning a bit far ahead there buddy
(Chandler picks the dog up and heads home)
Scene 3:Monica and Rachel's
(Ross and Rachel are reading Monica's Diary)
Ross: I don't think we should be reading this
Rachel:Oh stop being a baby
(Monica enters)
Ross: AAAHH!
(Ross chucks the diary out the open window)
Monica: What are you guys doing?
(At the same time)
Ross: Talking.
Rachel: Sex.
Monica: Ah-uh.
(Phoebe enters leaving the door open)
Phoebe: Hey guess what? I get to take an IQ test
Ross: I bet anyone she only gets 10
Phoebe: I won't get ten I am very smart
(A little dog runs in)
Phoebe: It's a rat!
Ross: It's a dog Phoebe
(Chandler and Joey enter)
Chandler: It's our new dog
Joey: He was lost
Monica: Ok I have to go find a job and don't let the dog poo in here
(Monica leaves)
(Ross and Rachel both run onto the balcony Ross comes back in the room
with the diary followed by Rachel. They put it on the table and begin to
read it).
Joey: What's that?
Rachel: Monica's diary.
(Joey and Chandler run to the table to read it).
Chandler: January the 13th, I had another dream about Richard. We were
having it on the table in front of Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, Rachel and Ross.
Ross: Hey, Phoebe is asleep.
Rachel: Phoebe!
All:(yelling)PHOEBE!!!
Phoebe: What?
Ross: What time is your IQ test?
Phoebe:(looking at her watch)Um, now.
(Phoebe leaves).
Scene 4:Chandler and Joey's
(They are talking about the dogs name)
Joey: What about Jerry?
Chandler: We don't know if it's a guy or a girl
Joey: Why don't you look?
Chandler: You look
Joey: We will both look
(They both look)
(Ross enters)
Ross: Ew, do you know how icky this looks?
Joey: We were finding if it was a male or female
Ross: Joey are you going with your date to the mall tonight?
Joey: I have a date tonight
Ross: Yes, I was hoping you could photocopy the diary 4 times
Joey: Sure
Scene 5:Testroom
(Phoebe is doing the IQ test)
Phoebe:2546+9x108,Use calulator, we were supposed to bring a calculator?!
Scene 6:Rachel's Bedroom
(Ross and Rachel are in bed)
Ross: Do you think it was wrong to read Monica's Diary
Rachel: Yes but I still liked reading it.
Scene 6:Joey's bedroom
(Joey is in bed with a women)
Joey: More,More,More
(The Dog jumps on the bed)
Scene 7:Joey and Chandler's
(The Dog comes flying out of Joey's room and Joey slams the door and
then the dog starts barking)
Scene 8:Chandler's room
(Chandler wakes up from the dog barking)
Chandler: I hate that dog
Scene 9:Phoebe's Apartment (A week later)
Phone rings
Phoebe: Hello (pause)oh hi Rachel(pause)I can't I am waiting for my results(pause)
bye
(There is a knock at the door. Phoebe answers the door. The postman is
standing there)
Phoebe: Have you got mail?
Postman: What do you think is in this bag? Raw meat?
Phoebe: I hope not
Scene 10:Central Perk
Gunther: There will be extra pay by 50 bucks from now on
Ross: Do you wish you still worked here?
Rachel: NO!
(Joey and Chandler enter)
Joey: I hate that dog
Chandler: I could.....is Phoebe here?
Ross: No.
Chandler: I could kill it
Rachel: So Joey how's Helen?
Joey: Good, in bed I keep saying more and she keeps saying less
(Chandler gives him two thumbs up)
Phoebe enters
Phoebe: I got my results
Rachel: Were they good?
Phoebe: No, I only got 119
Ross: Phoebe that is good
Scene 11:Chandler and Joey's
(Chandler is watching T.V there is a knock at the door)
Chandler: Hello
Woman: Hi have you seen my dog
(She holds up a photo)
Chandler: Yeah,here fluffy
Woman: How did you know his name?
Chandler: That's his name?
Scene 12:Monica and Rachel's
Ross: So you got rid of it?
Chandler: Yep.
Ross: Monica didn't get a job
Monica: So?
Ross: Phoebe got a good IQ
Joey: Do you have a point?
Ross: No.
Monica: Phoebe guess what?
Phoebe: Chandler is gay?
Monica: No,I saw Ursula today and she said her IQ was 85
Phoebe: So what if she is smarter then me?
Ross: The higher you get the smarter you are, Phoebe.
Phoebe: Really?
Ross: Yes
Phoebe: Really really?
Ross: Yes
Phoebe: Really really really?
ALL: YES!!!
Scene 13: Central Perk
(Everyone except Monica and Phoebe are there reading their copies of Monica's
diary)
(Monica enters)
Monica: Hi guys
(They all chuck them away .Monica picks one up)
Monica: Monica's Diary ,you read my diary?!
Joey: Do you have a problem with that?
Monica: No
All: No.
Monica: This is the fake one. I have the real one hidden.
ALL: What?
Closing Credits
Scene 14:Rachel's Room
(Ross and Rachel are under the covers)
Ross and Rachel: Oh,oh,oh Ross
Ross: I mean oh Rachel
END