We had travelled a long way with not nearly enough stops
for drinking. I think we were going to visit Iggy and some of his
friends. The only thing was, when we nearly got there, we did get
attacked by some bandits. Now, me being a fearsome fighter, I
attacked with a few others, but then they ran away and didn't tell
me.
Next thing I know, I'm lying down with a headache and I weren't even blessed. What has happened was I got done over, was out cold, with some bandit holding a knife to my throat demanding money or my life and everyone I were with ignored him. It was only 'cos they got pissed off with the bandit yelling at them that they tried to kill him, otherwise I think I might have had it.
Well, when we did get to our camp, we drank. Until those bloomin' bandits called up a huge monster-type thing. We all went to kill it but it started killing us, so I hid in the bushes until it ran away. I think it got bored.
I can't really remember what happened the next day, only that when I looked in the woods one time I could see trees. When I looked in the woods again, I could see only a bush. I thought this bush was playing games with us, so we attacked it while Catman climbed a tree. In fact, we attacked it so good that we went right through it and then there was nothing to attack, so we went back for a drink.
In the evening we had some cider that I had brewed before. We did wait for Iggy, but he still didn't arrive. I guarded the whole camp across a bridge with my mate, but some red eyes came towards us with black cloaks on, so we ran away.
Unfortunately, I ran the wrong way, and didn't make it back to camp and they chased me and then I woke up near the fire with another headache. I think the cider was having some effect this time, so I drank some more. I later found out that the black things tried to bargain with me. I think I'm getting good at being a bargain.
I did drink lots and when we got attacked, I guarded the fire and I did it well 'cos nobody hit it. Then, pleased with my bravery, I went to get another drink and Benedict shouted at me 'till I fell in a corner. I don't know why and was just about to ask when some Northern Bastard hit me and then I woke up some time later and was just about to ask why he hit me, when he hit me again.
Next time I woke up it was morning and I had a headache, so decided not to ask any more questions and it worked. Nobody hit me.
On the next day, we still didn't meet Iggy and I was just getting confused, when we met some dead people and some people without any skin. When we went to say hello they attacked us and I couldn't move.
Later that day we went to find their house and got attacked again,
so I protected the wenches (a very important job). It was just as we
met the dead people again that I realised that I remembered what did
happen to me when I got paralysed; they carried me back to the tent,
stood me in the corner, and used me as a very useful hat stand and
occasional table. I was just about to comment on the matter when I
realised I got paralysed again and found myself hugging a tree. I
must have tripped before I got done, but George would have been
proud.
Eventually we walked to some place were we had to stand in a square, which was very disappointing because someone else had my holy water and when I went to get it, I wasn't allowed. What was that all about then?
When we did go, we found some of Iggy's friends, who attacked us. They were angry with us for disturbing their game. I didn't understand the game very much, but Iggy was tied up and it took forever to undo him. He was very angry too, 'cos he refused to walk and we had to carry him. I thought this was very rude as he hadn't met us the day before and he wouldn't let us play his game. So I gave him some holy water and then he cheered up and could walk.
Then we had some more drinks and went back to Londinium to have a drink.