Things Bart has written on the board as a punishment on "The Simpson's"

1. I will not carve gods.

2. I will not spank others.

3. I will not aim for the head.

4. I will not barf unless I'm sick

5. I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.

6. I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.

7. I will not conduct my own fire drills.

8. Funny noises are not funny.

9. I will not snap bras.

10. I will not fake seizures.

11. This punishment is not boring and pointless.

12. My name is not Dr. Death.

13. I will not defame New Orleans.

14. I will not prescribe medication.

15. I will not bury the new kid.

16. I will not teach others to fly.

17. I will not bring sheep to class.

18. A burp is not an answer.

19. Teacher is not a leper.

20. Coffee is not for kids.

21. I will not eat things for money.

22. I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.

23. The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.

24. I will not call the principal "spud head".

25. Goldfish don't bounce.

26. Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.

27. No one is interested in my underpants.

28. I will not sell miracle cures.

29. I will return the seeing-eye dog.

30. I do not have diplomatic immunity.

31. I will not charge admission to the bathroom.

32. I will never win an Emmy.

33. The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.

34. All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.

35. I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.

36. I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.

37. My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.

38. I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.

39. I am not deliciously saucy.

40. Organ transplants are best left to professionals.

73. I will not do anything bad ever again.

74. I will not show off.

75. I will not sleep through my education.

76. I am not a dentist.

77. Spitwads are not free speech.

78. Nobody likes sunburn slappers.

79. High explosives and school don't mix.

80. I will not bribe Principal Skinner.

81. I will not squeak chalk.

82. I will finish what I sta

83. "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender.

84. Underwear should be worn on the inside.

85. The Christmas Pageant does not stink.

86. I will not torment the emotionally frail

Simpson's Usenet Discussion Groups

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Every Couch Opening Ever Made From the Simpson's

Episode numbers indicate the couch scene used when the episode was shown for the first time; in some cases, the one used in Canada is listed where it was "original" and the USA one was repeated
Syndicated showings (for seasons 1-7) use these couch openings except where marked:
* indicates the 1F01 opening is used
= indicates the 7F14 opening is used

? indicates the episode has not been shown in syndication yet
Note 9F21 uses only its first couch opening in syndication

  • 7G02*,7G07* Bart is squeezed off and pops into the air; during

  • the shot of the TV, he is seen coming down

  • 7G03*,7G10* The couch falls apart when everybody is on it

  • 7G04*,7G13 Homer is squeezed off his side of the couch

  • 7G06*,7G12 Maggie is squeezed off and pops into the air; she comes right down into Marge's arms

  • 7G09,7G01 Everybody fits on the couch

  • 7F03,7F12,7F22, The couch falls through the floor

  • 9F06*

  • 7F02,7F13,7F23 The "Simpson Shuffle" (see notes)

  • 7F01,7F15 The couch unfolds into a bed

  • 7F05*,7F16* Maggie ends up in Marge's hair

  • 7F08,7F14* Everybody fits, including Santa's Little Helper and Snowball II

  • 7F07*,7F17* Grampa is lying on the couch sleeping

  • 7F06=,7F18 Homer tips the couch over sideways; Maggie falls off, but lands on a couch cushion which is on the floor

  • 7F09,7F19 The couch is gone; everyone looks around the empty spot

  • 7F10*,7F20* Homer bumps the others off the couch

  • 7F11,7F21* The couch tips over backwards; Maggie pops up from behind it

  • 7F24*,8F22 The couch tips over backwards, and everybody crashes through the back wall

  • 8F01,8F12 They sit, then Homer pulls Santa's Little Helper out from beneath him

  • 8F03*,8F14 Everybody forms a pyramid

  • 8F04*,8F16 A space alien hears them coming, pulls a cord, and disappears through a trap door in the floor

  • 8F05,8F15* Bart lands on everyone's lap

  • 8F06*,8F17 Homer gets to the couch first and lies on it; the others sit on him

  • 8F07,8F19 The seat cushions are missing; when they sit, they "fall into" the couch

  • 8F08,8F20 Two burglars are holding the couch as everybody sits on it; they are dumped off and the couch is carried away

  • 8F09,8F21 Santa's Little Helper is on the couch and keeps everyone else off

  • 8F10,8F23 Everybody cartwheels to the couch (Maggie falls in her attempt and hops there) and strikes a "Ta-Da" pose

  • 8F11 Everybody bounces up and down on the couch; Homer bounces from one side to the other

  • 8F13* Everybody except Maggie bang their heads together and lie unconscious on the floor

  • 8F24 Everybody stops as the couch is occupied - by the Flintstones

  • 8F18,9F15* The couch swallows everybody as it transforms into a monster

  • 9F01*,9F12 The couch rotates 180 degrees through a secret door in the wall; an empty couch takes its place

  • 9F02*,9F14* As Maggie is already seated, Homer, Marge, and Bart run "past the edge of the film" and scurry back to the couch

  • 9F04 Simpson-sized skeletons sit on the couch

  • 9F03 The couch deflates (as if filled with air)

  • 9F05,9F17 Everybody has somebody else's head, which they remove and switch

  • 9F07,9F18* There's a wooden chair in place of the couch; the adults share it, with the children on their laps

  • 9F08*,9F13*,9F16*, Everybody forms a chorus line, which turns into a large

  • 9F22*,2F08 production number

  • 9F09,9F20 Everybody is "miniature" and must climb the "giant" couch; Maggie has to be pulled up

  • 9F10 Everybody sits, just before the room is filled with other regular characters

  • 9F11,9F19 Everybody gets caught in a net that was spread on the floor

  • 9F21a,1F08,1F21 Everybody runs into each other and shatters on the floor; Santa's Little Helper examines the damage

  • 9F21b*,1F11 Everybody runs into each other and end up on the couch as a five-headed "blob"

  • 9F21c*,1F09*,1F20 Everybody runs into each other and there's an explosion; eventually, the pacifier lands and bounces away

  • 1F02,1F12,2F33 Everybody, plus the couch, is crushed by a foot that is reminiscent of how "Monty Python's Flying Circus" opens

  • 1F01 Everybody stops as the couch is occupied - by an identical Simpson family

  • 1F04 A Zombie Simpson family crashes through the floor from below and sits on the couch

  • 1F03 The couch is painted on a wall, which everybody runs through

  • 1F05,1F13 A fat man takes up most of the couch; everybody squeezes into the tiny spot remaining

  • 1F06,1F15,2F02*, The room is dark as five pairs of eyes go to the couch;

  • 2F04 light reveals that it's only eyes, as eyeless bodies quickly enter, sit down, and reattach to the eyes

  • 1F07*,1F19* Everybody sits, then notice they're on the set of "Late Show with David Letterman" as "Dave" turns face forward

  • 1F10 Everybody pokes their head up from behind the couch (Maggie does it from behind a cushion on the couch)

  • 1F14 Everybody sees two couches, then they each split into two halves, each half sitting on a couch

  • 1F16 Everybody is shaped like a ball and bounces around before landing on the couch and returning to normal

  • 1F18 Everybody sits, then Homer gets up, rips the FOX logo from the screen corner, and they all stomp on it

  • 1F22,2F12 Everybody begins seated as if on an invisible couch; the couch comes in in pieces and forms itself atop them, causing them to fall to the floor

  • 1F17,2F13 The floor is well underwater, and only the tops of everybody's heads are visible until they reach the couch (Bart is using

  • 2F01,2F14* Everybody is "beamed aboard" the couch in original "Star Trek" style (complete with sound effect)

  • 2F03 Everybody enters with a mismatched head and limbs (for example, one of Bart's legs is now Lisa's right arm, and Lisa's arms are where her legs should be)

  • 2F05,2F15 Everybody bounces up off the couch and gets their heads stuck in the ceiling

  • 2F06,2F18 Everybody chases the couch as it, along with the back wall, moves backwards away from them

  • 2F07,2F16 Everybody runs by the same TV and couch again and again, all except Maggie grinning the whole time

  • 2F09,2F19 Everybody runs to the couch from a different side (Marge runs down the side of a wall) in an M.C. Escher-style house

  • 2F10,2F21 The "James Bond" film opening, only with Homer in front of the couch firing the gun

  • 2F11,2F22 In black & white, everybody (wearing Mickey Mouse gloves) stands and makes circles with their hands

  • 2F31,2F32 A giant Maggie, a slightly smaller Lisa, and so on down to a tiny (not younger) Homer, sit on the couch

  • 2F20 The couch moves aside as everybody lines up in front of a police lineup height chart

  • 2F17,3F12,3F22 The couch acts like a FAX machine, and a sheet with everybody (in couch-sitting position) on it comes up from the back of the couch and slides under it

  • 3F01,3F13 Everybody, including SLH, Snowball II, and Grampa, are in nine squares "Brady Bunch" style (with the couch in the middle); everybody but Grampa runs to the couch

  • 3F02,3F14 Everybody wears fezzes and drives in minicars, like Shriners

  • 3F03,3F16 Everybody runs to the couch, entirely gray; their colors are then spray-painted in

  • 3F04 Everybody descends from above, hanging by their necks from nooses; Maggie still sucks her pacifier

  • 3F05,3F15 Everybody is a wind-up doll

  • 3F06,3F17 Everybody is placed on the couch by a pinsetter, after Snowball II is scared off by the pin-clearing bar

  • 3F08,3F18 Everybody is a sea-monkey and swims to a couch made of clam shells to stare at a treasure chest

  • 3F31 A sequence of openings: 8F18, 9F02, 9F10, 9F09, 8F09, 1F02, 2F31, 2F09, 2F06, 1F17, 2F11, and 9F08

  • 3F07?,3F19 Homer pulls a drain plug from the floor, and everybody and everything is sucked down the drain

  • 3F10 Everybody sits, then inside a mousehole, a mouse family sits on an identical couch

  • 3F09,3F20 A big game hunter sits on the couch with a "Homer-skin run" on the floor and the others' heads on the wall

  • 3F11,3F21 Everybody sits, under flourescent "black light", until Homer turns on the lamp

  • 4F02 Death begins on the couch; as everybody

  • 3F23,3F24 Everybody lands on the couch via parachute except Homer, who lands on the floor with an unopened chute

  • 4F03,4F15 Everybody is in western gear as they sit on the couch, when then gallops away into the desert

  • 4F05,4F09 Everybody is a clear balloon, which float onto the couch and then pop

  • 4F06,4F12 A takeoff on the cover of The Beatles' "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band"

  • 4F04,4F19 Bart is green; Homer changes TV channels, turning Bart pink; Homer slaps Bart on the head, turning him normal

  • 4F01,4F14 Everything and everyone is upside-down - until everyone falls off the couch and onto the "ceiling"

  • 4F07,4F18 Homer puts a coin into the "Vend-A-Couch", then bangs the back wall; the couch then falls on him.

  • 3G01 Everybody flies in on jet-packs; Maggie flies in last and lands on Marge's lap

  • 4F08,4F17 Everybody is involved in a giant Whack-A-Mole game; Homer ends up getting whacked

  • 4F10,4F16 Grampa is sleeping in a convertible bed, which they convert back to a sofa (with him in it) and sit on it

  • 3G03 The couch remains empty while everybody waits outside as Homer struggles to open the front door

  • 4F11 The couch is in an "America Onlink" window, which takes its time loading everybody before being interrupted