Sam

I can't believe he did that.  I can't believe he did that.  I can't believe he said that, and I can't believe it hurts so much...

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Backup was concerned.  It wasn't the first time she'd been worried about one of her co-workers - for all of Malone's 'first rule' there were very few agents within CI5 who followed it to the letter.  However, it was the first time she'd been concerned about Sam Curtis - at least when he wasn't in the field.  He and his partner, Chris Keel, had an uncanny knack of getting into trouble when they were on assignment, and so she'd become resigned to the feelings of anxiety she felt on those occasions.  This time, however, neither of them was looking down the barrel of a gun.  In fact, Keel hadn't shown up for work yet.  They'd all been working so hard recently it wouldn't surprise her if he'd slept in, and it was a sign of how much stress they were under that she doubted that Malone would call him on it even if he had.  Even Sam had only just managed to arrive on time...

Sam.  The thought forced her mind back from its wanderings.  Sam Curtis, Agent 37, known by some of the newer agents within CI5 as 'The Iceman' but never to his face.  None of them had that much of a death wish, and for all of his charm, which he had in spades, Sam was also known for his ruthlessness.  The one agent who was most likely to follow the first rule, the one agent who seemed never to let the, sometimes horrific, cases they dealt with get under his skin.  Sam Curtis, who currently looked like shit.

She doubted that anyone else would spot it.  Sam was too good at hiding how he was feeling, presenting a mask to the world that few could penetrate.  Herself sometimes, definitely Chris and of course Malone.  She would swear that their boss was a mind reader.  Sam had told her in one of their lighter moments that as far as he could see Malone had sold his soul to the devil at a young age, and of course signing up to CI5 meant that they'd sold their souls to Malone.  He'd quipped that it was a close thing as to which of them had the worst deal.

There was no sign of that famous wit now.  He was keeping himself aloof from the other agents currently checking into HQ, not joining in the regular trading of jokes and insults.  Instead, he was sitting to one side, staring at his monitor with a bleakness in his expression that chilled her.  She wasn't sure that she'd ever seen him looking quite so remote.  She watched as Spencer sauntered past his workstation, saying something to the English agent that drew a slight smile of acknowledgement out of him.  It faded as soon as Spencer was past, and Sam's attention turned inwards once again.

And then Backup's monitor sparked into life with the satellite feed she'd been waiting for, and she dismissed Sam from her thoughts, focusing on the task in hand.  When Keel finally showed up she'd tackle him about it.  Until then she had some potential weapons movements to track in the former Soviet Union.

*************

"Chris."  Backup's voice calling after him stopped Chris Keel in his tracks.

"What?" he asked, trying hard to keep the irritation out of his voice.  It had been a rough night, he was tired and Sam...

He tried not to think about Sam.  Unfortunately it seemed that Backup was of a different mind.  "Is Sam okay?" she inquired, her expression concerned.

"Sam?" he asked back, his mind blank, wondering what Backup was asking, what she knew. 

"Sam," she shot back, her tone slightly sarcastic.  "English guy, your partner.  Tall, dark, handsome, although if you tell him I said that I'll deny it.  Ring any bells?"

"I know who Sam is, Agent Backus," he replied impatiently.  "What about him?"

"He came in this morning looking like death warmed over.  I just wondered if everything was okay.  Do you know what's wrong?"

Chris had a very good idea of what was wrong, but he was damned if he was going to tell Backup.  "What did he say?" he hedged.

She snorted.  "Sam's a master of prevarication.  When I tackled him on it he just that he was tired.  Said he hadn't slept much.  But I have to say that he looks terrible.  God, I hope it's not flu.  That would be all we need."  Three agents were out with that, adding to the pressure the remaining active field agents were under, so Chris could understand her concern.  She frowned slightly, taking a good long hard look at him.  He shifted uncomfortably under her piercing gaze.  "You don't look too hot either.  You were with him last night, weren't you?  You didn't do anything stupid did you?  If the pair of you are hung over, Malone is going to have your balls."

"We weren't drinking," fudged Chris.  She made a little disbelieving sound, her look suspicious.  Chris frowned again.  "He might be a little under the weather, but I'm sure that whatever's wrong he wouldn't appreciate you trying to mother him, Backup."  His voice was sharper than he'd intended and Backup drew back, her own frown creasing her brow.

"There's no need to bite my head off, Keel," she replied, sounding a little wounded.  "I just wondered, that's all.  You can't blame more for being concerned."

Great, thought Chris.  It seemed he'd hurt another colleague.  "Sorry, Backup.  I didn't mean to snap.  Just..."  He ran out of steam, unable to think of an excuse for his behaviour.  Luckily she provided one.

"It's okay, Chris.  We're all a little on edge.  It's been a tough few months.  No wonder Sam's coming down with something.  I wonder if he caught it from Donaldson?" she mused.

"Maybe," said Chris noncommittally.  He really didn't want to get into this, but Backup was looking at him expectantly.  "We...  I left him quite early last night.  He didn't seem so hot then."  It was true enough, he justified to himself.  Sam had definitely not been too hot, but that had more to do with him than with any illness.  He almost wished he could tell himself that there had been an ugly scene, but there hadn't really.  He'd gone to Sam's, said what he felt he had to, and then Sam had become very quiet, and got that expressionless look on his face that Chris hated.  He'd then said very calmly and quietly that if Chris had finished he'd like him to leave.  And Chris had.  And that was that - the end of a five and a half month relationship, the longest one that Chris had had since he'd come to England.  Just like that, like it was nothing.  Like it wasn't even worth arguing over.  Chris was honest enough to admit that he would have preferred an ugly scene, go out with a bang and not a whimper, if only to prove to himself that it did mean something.

Strange really, he thought, only half listening as Backup prattled on, he'd always thought that Sam would be the one to call it quits, to say enough was enough before it got serious.  But Sam had left it to him to do, probably because Sam hadn't cared enough to end it.  Only, Backup said that Sam looked terrible, and if he didn't care then why would he look so bad...?

He suddenly realised that Backup had fallen silent, and was looking at him expectantly, obviously waiting for an answer.  He frantically searched his memory, but for the life of him he couldn't figure out what the question had been.  He shrugged slightly, and Backup rolled her eyes.

"I said," she repeated with an edge to her voice, "that even if Sam is coming down with something I doubt it's the only thing that's bothering him.  I think you should talk to him."

"Why me?" Chris protested automatically.

"Because you are his partner, and the only person he actually opens up to."  The edge in her voice was even harder now, and Chris decided that discretion was the better part of valour and didn't argue any further.  If he did, she might push him to explain why he didn't want to talk to Sam, and god knows he didn't want to get into that.

"Fine, whatever," he sighed.  He had no intention of broaching the subject with Sam, even if Sam were willing to talk to him and Backup seemed to guess this.  Her eyes bored a hole in his back as he took advantage of her hesitation and escaped to the relative sanctuary of the coffee machine.