Making Believe
by Jason Buzzell (buzzel1@goexcel.net)
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Summary: Making Believe is a vignette, written by Jason Buzzell, set between 'The Bridge' and 'Warchild', in the Warchild series by Alyse and Teri.
Rating: PG13
Author's Note: Special thanks go out to Teri and Alyse for letting me take this little tangent in their version of the Space we all know and love. I hope it meets to their liking. Also my dearest thanks to a special few people that helped me let go of this enough to put it down on paper. Finally, thanks to the cast of Space: Above and Beyond, for putting their hearts and souls into a show, so that we might learn more about ourselves...
More Notes and Disclaimers and what not: The music mentioned in this story, the music of Social Distortion, seems to me to fit well with what we know of Cooper. It is used without permission, but utmost respect.
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Making believe, "I may never see her again..." Pain... all too familiar in some ways, but unlike anything he had ever known
before. Cooper Hawkes oddly felt at home with this pain. How stupid had he
been to think that he could be happy, that someone could love him? Why had
he believed in Madi? Believed in... those words haunted him now. He swore
that, one day, he was gonna make Nate eat that friggin' dog tag. What had
been their, the 5-8's faith, for so long, now stood only as a reminder to
Cooper of something he would never know. Coop leaned against the jukebox, firmly grasping the near empty bottle of
whiskey in his left hand. His right hand was clenched into a fist, his fingernails
drawing blood from his palms. Pain felt good. It was something, and it was
all he could ever really trust. The whine of the electric guitars, and the
growling voice of the singer... Social Distortion was the name of the band...
somehow welcomed him, made him feel at home. How could he ever tell Shane? He loved her, that he knew, but it was Madi
that he thought of when they were together. How could he tell her that, and
still not lose her? He wondered if NB's had this kind of problem, or if it was just something
they knew. When he closed his eyes, he could still see her... Her hair, what
had she called it, strawberry-blonde? She could feel her touch, the heat from
her body. The scent, the taste of her skin. All these things that he never
seemed to notice or remember from Shane. Still, Shane was here, was his for
the asking, as much as any NB could ever belong to another person. How could
he throw that away for something that would probably just get him hurt, and
that he could probably never have? He heard a voice, from somewhere inside of his head. It was weak, but still
there. "Dammit, didn't drink enough," Coop thought. He heard the voice chuckle
a little. No point in ignoring it, might as well face the music... "What the hell do you want, Lucas?" Cooper thought, trying to put as much
distaste into his thoughts as possible. "I knew you were feeling a little... confused." "Go to hell Lucas, and get out of my head, I want to be alone!" "Be careful what you ask for Coop, you just might get it..." "Got to hell!" "I know what your trouble is Cooper. I know, and you know, that you still
love Madi. She loves you too, you know?" "That's bullshit, Lucas, and you know it. How could she ever love me, how
could Shane?" "Cooper, that's one thing I'm going to have to get through that thick In-Vitro
head of yours, love doesn't make sense..."
That you still love me.
It's leaving me
Alone and so blue.
I'll always dream,
But I'll never own you.
Making believe,
Is all I can do...
--Making Believe