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by Alyse(alyse@unconsciousmind.co.uk)
and Teri (teri@unconsciousmind.co.uk)

Part 1

~*~

Summary: Warchild is the second story in the Warchild series, based upon the characters in the TV Show, Space: Above and Beyond.

Cooper is injured in the line of duty and is sent Earthside. 

Rating: NC17, m/f interaction, Cooper Hawkes/f

Disclaimer

~*~

"Who will save the War Child, baby,
Who controls the key
The web we weave is thick and sordid
Fine by me"

"War Child" - The Cranberries, 1995

The pain sliced through him, and then he went numb. Somewhere, it seemed to be so far away he couldn't be sure, he thought that he heard Shane yelling. Then he felt the floor underneath him, and for a second he wondered what he was doing on the floor.

He heard another woman's voice. It sounded much closer than Shane's. He was having difficulty in making out what she was saying though. She seemed to want him to hold on to something. He wanted to tell her that there was no need to hold on, he was on the floor. He wasn't going to fall over, no matter what manoeuvres the 'Toga did. He fought the urge to laugh. It hurt.

The pain seemed to come all at once, and it swallowed him whole.

There was blood everywhere. Thursday Hagen knelt next to him, her hands pressed against his waist, trying to stop the bleeding. She'd taken the bastard who'd shot him down. Right now, everyone's concentration was on getting the Secretary General out of the room. The marine under her had taken the bullet everyone thought was aimed at her. Maybe it even had been. They'd never know. Right now the shooter was dog meat. When she'd seen him aiming at Cooper for a second time, she'd fired. That meant she was going to have a lot of uncomfortable questions to answer later, like how come a 'geek' like her was armed. At a government reception no less, on board a Navy ship at the edges of a war zone where security was supposed to be tight, especially after the incident last time Hayden had visited.

"Medic!" she screamed. "I need a medic here, now!"

The blood was still oozing over her hands. She prayed to every god she'd ever believed in to just let him be okay. She'd owe them big time.

"Where's that fuckin' medic? What are you doing, training the fuckers?" West, crouched at the other side of Cooper, looked at her in shock. He couldn't believe the language this woman was using. Some small part of his mind wondered at where she'd picked it up. She looked so demure. He guessed that appearances could be deceptive. He also wondered why she should care so much about a marine she'd presumably met for the first time this evening.

"I want a medic here NOW!!!" It was amazing how someone so small could make so much noise. Cooper shifted under her hands. She pressed down harder, exchanging frantic looks with West.

Finally, someone pressed a clean bandage over her hands. It turned red almost immediately. Someone else pulled her clear. She resisted for a minute, and then, finally satisfied that he was in semi-competent hands, allowed the person who grabbed her to escape with minor injuries only.

The rest of the 'Cards, lacking Shane, hung around at the periphery of the scene. She looked around for Vansen and saw her talking urgently to McQueen in one corner. She joined them, still covered with Cooper's blood. Her voice was low and urgent.

"What the hell happened? How did that individual get onto this ship with a weapon?" McQueen turned and glared at her.

"For that matter, Doctor Hagen, how the hell did you get a weapon on this ship?"

She returned his stare calmly, her equilibrium now partially restored. "I'd say it's because security on this ship, Colonel, is somewhat lax. I am, however, a professional. That bozo was obviously not."

Vansen interrupted them, her eyes intense. "How do you know that guy wasn't a professional. He looked pretty goddamned professional to me!"

Thursday considered her for a moment. There was no way that she could tell Vansen the real reason she knew that this guy was no professional. His mind had been clouded, unclear. That's why she hadn't spotted what he was about to do. But she was almost certain that Hayden hadn't been the target. It could just be that Cooper had got in the way, like a good marine body guard, but it had been Cooper she'd seen in his mind before he'd pulled the trigger. She decided that a half truth was best.

"If his target was Hayden, he missed." McQueen pounced on her words.

"What do you mean, if?" Vansen's ears perked up too. Thursday glanced around the room, seemingly casually, although her eyes missed nothing. Everyone's attention seemed to be occupied, but you could never tell. She hadn't lived this long taking chances. She scanned the room using her other talent, and detected nothing out of the ordinary. 'Except my friend bleeding to death in the corner,' she thought. The thought made her shiver. He was tough, although she was beginning to suspect that he wasn't fighting as hard to stay alive as he should be. And she had a feeling she knew why.

"What do you mean if?" McQueen repeated. He seized hold of her arm. She looked at his hand pointedly. "You've already lost a leg, Colonel....." she stated suggestively. He removed it rapidly. There was something about this woman that made his soul freeze. He didn't doubt for a moment that she meant it. Or that she was perfectly capable of carrying out this threat, no matter how small and demure she looked.

"I don't think that this is exactly the place to discuss it, Colonel," she continued in a sotto voice. "Why don't we wait until we know that Cooper's going to be all right."

Both McQueen and Vansen looked over to where the medics were still clustered around Hawkes. Their faces reflected their pain. She felt a brief surge of grief, but with a skill borne of practice, suppressed it. She'd done all that she could. Now she just had to wait.

"Later," she stressed.

~*~

Three hours later, they were sure that Cooper was going to be okay. This time. As agreed, Thursday was ready to come clean. Well, at least to come as clean as she felt was prudent. She sat, still and quiet, in the Colonel's quarters, waiting for him to return from the infirmary. She didn't need to be there to tell how he was doing. She could pick up the random thoughts of some of the 'Cards, the stress of the situation giving their thoughts added power.

She sensed him coming down the corridor. He wasn't alone. She wasn't sure if she could face two of them. She was tired and emotionally drained. Her shields were not strong. She couldn't cope with being in such a small room with two upset people.

It was too late to escape. She steeled herself. With any luck she'd get out of here before they knew that anything was wrong with her, before her shields collapsed completely.

When they entered McQueen's quarters, they drew up sharply, Vansen almost running into McQueen. She fought the urge to break into hysterical laughter. One compartment of her mind noted that they looked as tired and drawn as she felt.

"What the hell...." McQueen burst out.

"We need to talk, Colonel."

"What the hell are you doing in my quarters. How did you get in here." She sighed tiredly.

"I'm an electronics expert, remember Colonel?" He snorted in disgust.

"I thought that that was a cover!"

"A cover for what, Colonel?" She returned his look calmly. He'd never know how much that cost her.

Vansen could stay silent no longer. "Who the hell are you? What are you doing here. What did you have to do with what happened to Coop?" She towered over Thursday, her manner and words threatening. Too close.

The next thing Vansen knew, she was lying on her back on the other side of the room, unsure how she'd got there. Thursday sat back in her chair, her hands clenched tightly. Her voice was equally tense. "Captain, I'd advise you not to do that again." She paused, gathering her thoughts, while McQueen helped Vansen off the floor. Vansen glared at her. Her thoughts were hard, and they hurt.

"As to what I had to do with what happened this afternoon, I didn't. If you remember, I shot that guy before he had a chance to kill Coop." The use of that diminutive did not escape either McQueen or Vansen. Lucas was right. They were smart.

"My name is Doctor Thursula Seren Hagen. And I know Cooper. Probably better than you can ever imagine. I'm here to make sure that nothing happens to him. After last year's incident, we have reason to believe that... our counterpart... has not relinquished her attentions towards him. In other words, she still wants him dead. That's what I meant by 'if', Colonel. I don't know if that gun was aimed at him or not."

"Who is this counterpart and what do you know about "her"?" McQueen asked suspiciously. He had been trying to solve that particular puzzle for eight months, ever since Bernard Gibson had tried to kill Cooper Hawkes aboard the Saratoga. He still didn't know who wanted him dead or why but Hawkes seemed to be doing his damnedest to help them out. He thought of Madi Gibson's warning. 'If you force him to choose it will kill him.' After the past months he was a lot closer to believing her than he had ever been, especially after he'd watched Cooper walk in front of a bullet tonight.

She sighed. They still were uncertain about her, about her intentions. She played her trump card. "Lucas sent me. I'm Thursday. I'm sorry, Colonel McQueen, but I'm not at liberty to give you that information."

Vansen's eyes widened as she took in the diminutive figure seated before her. "You're Lucas' partner?" McQueen absorbed the facts more quickly.

"You think that this afternoon was aimed at Hawkes and not Hayden?"

"Let's just say, Colonel, that I haven't discounted that possibility. How is he?" She knew, but she needed to hear it.

"The docs say he's going to be okay, but...." Vansen's voice was subdued. Thursday read between the lines. She was well aware of what had happened the last time the medics on this barge had got their hands on Hawkes.

"How long has he had this deathwish?" Her question had caught both of them off guard. She watched as Shane's face contracted with pain. She winced in sympathy. To know that you weren't enough to make one of your best friends want to live...

Vansen meet her gaze, and answered bravely. "Since Madi Gibson left. It's not obvious. He's just started to take stupid risks. It's as if he doesn't care anymore." Thursday nodded.

"Sounds like someone else I know," she breathed. She considered them for a minute, her mind whirring.

"The way I see it, we need to get Cooper off this ship. He needs to recover from his wounds, away from our mutual enemy, and where he won't be neglected by medical staff because he's an InVitro." They both considered this, and finally, reluctantly, nodded.

"Good," she said. "I know just the place."

~*~

"In times of war we're all the losers
There's no victory
With shoot to kill and kill your lover
Fine by me"

"War Child" - The Cranberries, 1995

When Blaine Marshall stuck her head in the third-grade classroom she smiled at the picture Madi Gibson made sitting in the floor with a storybook on her lap and children sprawled around her like lazy puppies. They were engrossed in the tale she was reading aloud.

"Madi, you have a call. Mr. Yardley said you could take it in his office."

"I can't leave the kids, Blaine. Please ask him to take a message." Madi said barely looking up from the book. Blaine wondered if Madi had ever been happy. She seemed too young to be so sad, probably only a year or two younger than herself but people aged quickly in wartime.

"That's what I'm here for. Don't say I mentioned it, but the call is from the USS Saratoga. I saw the return notation on the phone as I passed by." At the mention of the 'Toga, Madi's head jerked up as if it were on a string and her already pale face turned ashen. Before Blaine could ask any questions she'd left as quietly as she did everything else. Sometimes she thought Madi Gibson looked and acted like a ghost.

As Madi walked down the hall to the office her thoughts reflected Blaine's in an odd way. She was dispassionately wondering if she would be able to lie down and die after she heard the news. It would be a relief to be away from the pain. She somehow thought she would be more prepared. After months of hearing nothing, Madi knew she was about to hear that Cooper had died. Why else would they be calling her and for that matter who was calling her? Paul Wang of course. He was the only one who would think of her at a time like this. Madi walked woodenly into the inner office and shut the door. She approached the phone and punched the button to accept the call.

When Shane Vansen's face appeared Madi felt a stirring of emotions that she hadn't felt since she received Cooper's letter. She ruthlessly squashed it down and simply stared at Shane. Madi hoped her face wasn't reflecting the thoughts that kept running through her head. Had he died in his plane? Had he been playing Pink Floyd really loud? He would have liked that. She almost smiled thinking of how he always called them The Pink Floyds. Were there remains? How could she lie on his grave and die if he was buried in space? Even a grave would have been something. Get a hold of yourself Madi! You can't let Vansen, of all people see you going insane. Look normal!

Shane tried to hide her shock at Madi's appearance. She looked the same as ever, even cutesy, dressed in a turtle neck pullover and some sort of jumper but Shane thought of Phousse saying that AI's had no soul. Madi Gibson looked as though she had no soul and her eyes were flat, all the sparkle gone. It reminded Shane of another face she'd been seeing lately. "We're sending you a package, Gibson." No answer. Shane hit the send button with a little extra force and tried again. "Did you hear me, Gibson? I said we're sending you a package. Why the hell did you move without a forwarding address anyway? It took us three days to locate you."

Madi listlessly touched her own send button and tried to focus on Vansen's face. Three days. They would have already had the funeral service. Why in the world would Shane offer her his possessions? She wondered if anyone might have thought to put the compact disc in his coffin. Was something like that allowed? Madi swallowed and tried to speak, then tried again. "I uh, I don't want anything, Shane," She said flatly. Then before she could stop herself she touched the button again. "Wait. Was he in his plane?"

Shane looked surprised at the question. "No, it happened while he was protecting the Secretary General. Are you all right, Gibson? Cause if you're sick or something you won't be any help to us. We're in the middle of a fur ball here and we can't give this the attention it needs."

Madi stared sightlessly at the screen and concentrated on holding back the scream that was tearing at her throat. How could Shane look so calm? No wonder Cooper had wanted this marine instead of her, Shane was so strong and beautiful and brave ….. "arrive tomorrow night. We'll provide someone to help with transport." Madi struggled to focus on Shane's words, "You're sending him here? Am I supposed to have someone arrange a service or something?"

Shane seemed to consider her words. "Well I guess if you can't get some time off work someone from a service would do, but I think he would prefer it if you took care of him. We're leaving in 45 mikes and we'll be away from the 'Toga for at least a week." Madi had to grab the desk to keep upright. Suddenly the thought of his grave didn't seem as comforting as it had. How did women do this? "Gibson!!" Madi heard Shane as if in a dream, "Are you okay?"

"I will be. I knew this call might be coming, but for some reason, I thought I would deal with it better. I guess I thought the Navy would handle the rest."

Shane's voice was incredulous. "You knew?! How could you know, it only happened this week! Has someone else been in contact with you?"

Madi looked up at that. "I didn't know when but it's wartime, Shane, even someone as stupid as I am knows soldiers die. Cooper wrote months ago to assure me that you were taking excellent care of him. That comforts me on some bizarre level now. Would you send the Pink Floyd disc, Shane? If it's all right with you and the other Cards and Colonel McQueen of course, I'd like to have it buried with him. He really loved that. Am I supposed to have a military service? I, uh, I'm afraid I have no idea how to do this properly and I think he'd be very upset about all of you not being here."

"Buried? Oh my God!" Shane's voice softened considerably, "Madi, I'm so sorry. It's not what you think. He's not dead. He's hurt and needs a place to recover, a quiet, 'safe,' place. We, us, the 'Cards and McQueen think he needs to be with someone who can watch him and keep him away from green meanies. Damn docs here would have him hooked again in no time." Shane left out the most important reason they were sending the 'package.' Cooper wasn't recovering. Though the docs couldn't explain it, his friends knew. It was a wonder he hadn't been killed already with the risks he'd been taking and now he was going steadily downhill from the gunshot wound. Madi was their last resort.

Shane felt tears start in her own eyes as she watched Madi crumble over the monitor. She and Madi had something in common other than Cooper it seemed. They both hung tough when they were needed and dissolved after the crisis. She was strong and tender, no wonder Cooper wanted her.

She actually found herself wanting to comfort the quietly sobbing woman, but Shane was better at giving orders. "Shake it off, Gibson. Coop needs you and I've got to hurry. Do you have room for him and can you handle his medical care? You know how fast he heals but he'll be down for at least two weeks, maybe three. Any problem?" Madi still couldn't speak but she shook her head. Shane took that for an okay. "One more thing Madi, he'll be sedated for the flight. He's going to be disoriented when he gets there. We've got an earth transport leaving in 30 mikes and that's our window of opportunity. He'll be airlifted to your location from the nearest landing site. You should keep his presence quiet, at least until he gets on his feet. Good luck and watch your six, Madi."

Madi nodded again and used both hands to wipe off the tears that once released wouldn't stop. "Thank you, Shane, I'll take care of him."

Shane started to disconnect, but looking at Madi she realized this misery had to stop for both Madi and Cooper. She suddenly blurted, "It's over between us Madi, I'm sending him to you free and clear; but if you hurt him your ass is mine, Gibson, and don't think I'm kidding. He kept all your letters." Before Madi could respond, she was gone.

Blaine placed her ear to the small opening in the office door, her face softening with compassion as she heard Madi softly, quietly, sobbing. This damn war. So many young men and women dead. Everyone around her had lost someone or knew a neighbor who had. Such loss of life hit hard in a small village such as theirs in Scotland.

She hesitated a moment before knocking. Though she and Madi had worked together since her arrival here a few months ago, Blaine knew neither she nor the locals had gone out of their way to make Madi feel welcome. They tended to be a clannish lot and while friendly, borders had been subtly drawn. Blaine learned from the local gossip that Madi had few guests at her isolated cottage and being a social person, Blaine found that disturbing. Madi Gibson looked like someone who needed a friend. She softly knocked and pushed the door open.

Madi sat up and hurriedly wiped both hands down her cheeks as if that would hide the evidence that she'd been crying. "Blaine, I'm sorry, you must think I'm awful for leaving you with my students for so long."

"Classes are over, Madi, and I'm thinking that you look like you could use a stiff drink."

There was a question and an overture in Blaine's words. Madi stared at the young woman a moment, ashamed of the suspicions that ran through her mind. She wasn't 'working' here but old habits were hard to break. Madi was a loner and though she had thrived on the solitude here she found she suddenly craved some company. Of all the people at the school she liked Blaine the most. She was happy and cheerful and suddenly a drink did sound good but she had no tolerance for alcohol. She needed comfort food to wallow in.

"Come by the house on your way home, Blaine, and I'll prepare something for you that's much worse than alcohol." Blaine smiled, a little surprised at the invitation, and they agreed to meet after Madi cleared some personal leave time with her boss, Mr. Richards.

Madi made her daily stop in to say goodbye to her children. Reece's adoption had gone smoothly and he could have come home with her but the girls had been a different story and it was a twisted mess in the courts right now. She had managed to get everyone transferred to the orphanage here and she had them over the weekends and occasionally during the week. Reece, of course, stayed with the girls. Stupid bureaucracy, Madi thought, her children should be at home with her. Blaine would have agreed with Madi on that point, especially the delinquent in her class, Reece Gibson; Blaine didn't envy Madi the raising of that one.

~*~

Finally Madi was at home with her first real guest. She didn't count Thursday since she owned the place and was by now practically part of their dysfunctional family. Blaine found the place homey and charming. After petting the lazy cat, she settled herself in the kitchen like an old friend, laughing in delight when she saw what Madi considered more addictive than alcohol. Heaped bowls of ice cream with chocolate sauce. Two hours later they had discussed everything under the sun and found out that they had a tremendous amount in common. Madi was suddenly happy she'd invited her. Between work and her other activities and generally being a private person she'd had very few people she could actually call friends, most were acquaintances. After a few hours together she felt like she'd known Blaine all her life and they reckoned they were kindred spirits.

"I want to thank you again, Blaine, for watching my students today."

"No problem, mine were at music." Blaine hesitated, not wanting to intrude, but curious none the less. "I hope it wasn't horribly bad news."

"No, actually it was good news in an odd fashion." Madi gave in to her urge to confide a little in Blaine. "A…friend, whom I hadn't heard from in months, has been wounded in action and he's on his way here for me to take care of him. I had steeled myself for the worst and when I found out he was alive all that stress caught up with me. I wish you wouldn't say anything at the home about him being here though, Blaine. I had to threaten to quit to get some personal leave."

"Richards is a jerk. But why you, Madi, doesn't he have a family that could watch him?"

"No, he's an InVitro. His family is his squadron on the Saratoga and they're the ones sending him to me. They're off on a mission."

"Well, pardon my saying, but you don't seem very happy. Are you upset that he's coming here?"

"Oh, no, I'm really thrilled, Blaine," Madi insisted -- then burst into tears. Ahh, it all became clear, Madi's aura of sadness, the call from a military ship, and a sudden move. Blaine's heart had been broken a time or two and she recognized the signs. She placed her arm around Madi's shoulders and waited for the storm to subside. When it finally did she wet a cloth for Madi to hold to her face.

"Now tell me, Madi." Madi told her what she could, then told her what had happened since she left the Saratoga. "I wrote him every day. Nothing. Not even a note back. I was so frightened, Blaine, petrified he was dead. I had horrible nightmares where I could see him dead on some deserted planet. I finally asked…a mutual friend who assured me he was alive. That was such a relief, but he still wouldn't answer my letters." Blaine patted her hand, her own fiancé was on board a space carrier she told her and she understood how the mail thing went.

"Then I got a letter. It was so ironic, his letter and Reece's adoption papers came the same day. I was euphoric. I opened it and," Madi turned to Blaine, the misery evident in her eyes, "all those months of writing and worrying and he was sleeping with someone else." Madi wiped fresh tears out of her eyes and swallowed hard. "I trusted him…

Well, anyway, now I can't seem to bounce back from this, I don't feel like me anymore. I lost myself when I lost him, Blaine, and I don't think I'm ever going to be the same again." Madi held up the cloth with a derisive laugh. "Believe it or not I never used to cry…now I can't seem to stop. After I first found out, I was such a wreck that Thursday had me and the children here before I knew what happened. I was doing better, well, I was desensitized I guess; I had stopped feeling anything. Now he's coming back."

"Oh Madi, I'm so sorry. Why are you letting him come back here after he hurt you?"

Madi laughed, a bitter sound. "Because I still love him, Blaine. I hate him for what he's done, but I still love him. I can't seem to stop. And I'd go crazy worrying about him on the ship, it's so risky for him to be in the infirmary there. Do you think I'm crazy?" Blaine shook her head.

"I've been through things like this with Tom, Madi. If," she looked questioningly at Madi who supplied "Cooper". "If Cooper were here you'd have this straightened out in no time It's this war and the distance, all combined with the emotional strain of wondering if they'll be alive another day. So who's the chit he's seeing now?"

"Shane Vansen," Madi drawled sarcastically. "Miss Perfect. I knew Cooper thought she made the stars but I had no idea… he told me…there was nothing between them. Then I get the letter, 'I'm with Shane now. I never realized she cared for me before. She loves me. She would never lie to me. Leave me alone, Madi, I'm trying to forget I ever met you,' " Madi was quoting parts of Cooper's note from memory where it was branded.

"But what does he want, Madi?" Blaine asked calmly.

"What?"

"Well if you're quoting, and I've been there so you probably are, all I hear is that Shane loves him but he can't get you out of his mind."

"That's not what he meant, Blaine. I know he loves Shane, he loves them all. They're his family."

"Madi, now don't take this the wrong way, but you said Cooper was an InVitro. We both know from our work that InVitros are the world's worst at expressing emotions. He may love her but it's you that he's trying to forget. If he doesn't care about you Madi, why he would he have to make an effort to forget you?"

Madi stared at Blaine, not daring to hope, thinking of his letter. She'd been so devastated she hadn't really taken the time to notice the wording. Mostly she'd seen red after seeing Shane's name written in Cooper's concise handwriting, then she'd been shattered as she realized what he was telling her. But Madi, never having spent much time worrying about past relationships, had taken the words at face-value. She had never had sisters or a mother or even a close friend to ask about these things or to pore over every word together and decipher their meanings during long, giggly sleepovers. She had grown up in a laboratory; she knew more about making InVitros than relationships.

She hurried to get the letter from the book she kept it in and, like an anxious child, handed it to Blaine, whom she now considered the fountain from which all wisdom flowed. Blaine Marshall read the note three times then smiled at her new friend.

"Madi, lamb, you've got yourself a love-sick marine coming home."

"What do you mean?"

Blaine handed her the letter. "Read it to me," she urged softly, her Scottish burr strangely comforting. "Read it to me and listen to what you're reading."

Madi looked at her hard for a moment, and then complied.

"Madi,

Stop writing to me. I'm with Shane now. I never realized she cared for me before. She loves me. You don't. She would never lie to me. You did. Leave me alone, Madi, I'm trying to forget I ever met you. I'm trying to forget I ever loved you. Your letters aren't helping, and they're upsetting Shane.

Cooper Hawkes."

Madi looked at Blaine who was smiling at her. "Didn't you hear it, Madi. 'I'm trying to forget that I love you but I can't.' "

Madi started to cry again.

~*~

Before she could leave the ship, there was one more thing that she had to do. It was dangerous but it needed to be done if she had any chance of buying them, buying Cooper some time. And time was the one thing that they needed desperately, if Cooper was to stand any chance of recovery.

She was fast on her feet, and very silent. No one saw her as she surreptitiously made her way towards Hayden's quarters. No one could see her if she was to succeed. In the confusion earlier no one had noticed that she was the one who had killed the would be assassin, with the marines on the ship assuming that the shot had been fired by Hayden's bodyguards, and the bodyguards assuming that it had been a marine. Although she was frequently surprised at the ineptitude of government and military officials, for once she was thankful. It meant that she didn't have to answer any awkward questions. And by the time they figured it out? Well, by then she'd be away from the ship and she trusted that Colonel McQueen would deal with any fallout.

She'd reached the corridor beside Hayden's quarters. Hayden's quarters were guarded. Damn, they weren't that inept. She'd have to follow plan B. She'd never really anticipated just being able to walk up to the door, smile nicely and say 'I'm just an inoffensive engineer, please let me in', but like Lucas said, you don't ask you don't get.

Plan B involved crawling through some very dark and unpleasant ducts. It was a good job she was small. She wasn't any where near as claustrophobic as Cooper, but nonetheless she wasn't overly fond of small, cramped and dark places.

It took a long time for her to reach the ventilation shaft behind Hayden's room. She could hear the shower running. Good. With any luck it would disguise any noise she made. She knew how keen Hayden's ears were.

She was very careful as she removed the grate, dropping down on light feet into the room. She settled down to wait for Hayden to finish in the shower, wondering cynically if she ever managed to wash the guilt away, or even if she acknowledged the awfulness of the things she'd done. Like trying to kill her own son.

She didn't have long to wait before Hayden came bustling out of the small bathroom, strangely sure in spite of her blindness. Thursday kept very still, knowing that Hayden's implant could pick up movement but little else. She waited until the woman's back was turned, and crept up behind her on the balls of her feet. She was so silent that Diane didn't realise that she was there until she was breathing down her ear.

"Well, well, well," said Thursday. "Busy day, Madam Secretary?"

"Who are you?" demanded Hayden, trying desperately to turn to face her. "I'll call the guards!"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. Much as I hate being dramatic, you'll be dead before you can make a sound."

Hayden sat back down abruptly. With effort she forced her voice to remain steady as she asked. "Is that why you're here? To finish what someone else started?"

Thursday's laugh was harsh. "I think we both know that there's no truth in that statement, my dear Madam Secretary. Whoever started this had no intention of harming you. Of course, if he dies, then there's no reason to keep you alive. I'd think about that for a while, if I were you."

Diane's gasp was audible. "What do you mean?" she asked shakily.

Thursday looked at her with something approaching pity. "I mean, my poor misguided Madam Secretary, that I'm rather fond of that boy. We all are. I won't take lightly any attempts to harm him again. You gave up your rights to have anything to do with his life 26 years ago. I'll include his death in that."

Thursday leaned even closer to her. "In fact, Hayden, if you even think about hurting him again, I'll know about it. And what I'll do to you will make what I did to your friend seem like a walk in the park. Your guards won't help you then. As I recall, they didn't do Maddox much good."

Hayden started to shake. Thursday decided that she'd done all that she could. She'd have to hope it was enough to make Hayden reluctant to try anything new, for a while at least. Maybe it would buy Cooper enough time to heal. She could but pray.

As she eased herself back into shaft, still eerily silent, Diane stopped her. "Who are you?"

Thursday watched her face for a moment. She'd tell Lucas later that she was searching for some semblance of humanity, some sign of care for her own skin if not Cooper's. She saw nothing. And so she answered: "Nemesis."

And then she was gone, dropping down the shaft as lightly as she had come, leaving Hayden staring into the darkness that made her world until she was sure she was alone.

~*~

"War Child
Victim of political pride
Plant the seed
Territorial greed
Mind the War Child
You should mind the War Child"

"War Child" - The Cranberries, 1995

Cooper lay quietly, looking around at the unfamiliar room and groping for any details that would give him a hint as to what was going on and where he was. Was this a dream? Sometimes they were so real it took him a while to tell. His last memories were of the Wildcards standing around him in ….the infirmary? He couldn't be sure, but he could remember low, anxious voices as they talked amongst themselves. Had he done something wrong and been sent away? Could he be back in Philadelphia? Was he really defective? Had they returned him to the facility to get the voices out of his head? There was some reason he couldn't go back there but it escaped him just now.

Cooper moved cautiously, his face grimacing when the pain hit. His head was pounding and dizziness assailed him as he threw back the covers and sat on the edge of the bed trying not to vomit. He looked down to see pristine white bandages around his waist and discovered the concentration of pain seemed to radiate from there. He stood up, wavering until the room stopped spinning, covered in a sheen of sweat despite the fact that he was only wearing his boxers. The silence around him seemed eerie, on the Saratoga there was always the hum of the ship under your feet. He could see into a bathroom to his right and took note of the feminine items on the vanity and something lacy hung over the shower rod. He definitely wasn't on the 'Toga or in the InVitro facility.

Cautiously he moved toward the other door, opening it slightly and peeking through the small crack. No one. He was alone. He moved down the dark hallway into a kitchen/sitting room area by the light of a small lamp and made his way to the sink. He turned on the water and lowered his head to drink thirstily from the stream then splashed water on his face. He wiped it off with some sort of small towel and glanced around again. He felt vulnerable and that made him angry. If only his head would clear and he could think. A knife rack caught his eye and he chose the one with the sharpest, strongest blade.

He headed towards what looked like an outside door and opened it to see a covered porch and more darkness. Easing the screen door open he moved out cautiously, looking in every direction, before glancing up at the sky. Earth. He was on Earth. Cooper went back into the house and shut the door.

Madi was exhausted physically and emotionally by the time she returned home. She smiled at the picture the old white house made in the scant moonlight as she walked tiredly up the front steps. She and the medics had just got Cooper settled when the call from the nurse at the home came saying that Reece had had a nightmare and wanted her. She hadn't even taken a moment to write a note for Cooper in case he came to. She wanted to adopt the girls so badly, then this silliness of her children being away from her would be over. Now hours later, Reece was sleeping and Madi hoped Cooper was too. She was in no condition to deal with him right now. Her emotions were raw. She held the screen door open with her hip and opened the wooden door. The heat felt wonderful after the cold of the night.

She had just dropped her bag and keys onto the table by the door when a hard arm circled her throat and she was jerked backward, her neck arched to expose her jugular. A shiny knife flashed in front of her face before she felt the sharp edge at her throat. Madi was filled with icy terror. Was this what Vansen was talking about? Had someone killed Cooper while he was sleeping, sedated, in her bed? Fury and anguish rose ferociously in a tidal wave of emotion. Madi took a deep breath, trying to calm herself enough to think clearly.

"Don't fight and I won't hurt you," a deep voice whispered in her ear. "I want some answers. If you move an inch…" the blade pressed a little closer to her skin. Madi's blood congealed at the icy cold , unemotional voice. He didn't finish the sentence -- he didn't have to. Madi shrank back from the blade, her head digging into his shoulder, her body pushing against his desperately to put some distance between her throat and the knife, when suddenly her dazed senses picked up his scent and the feel of the body behind her. Sharp, piercing relief, and a new wave of rage, made her muscles tremble as the tension left them.

"That's better. Now who are you and where am I?"

Madi could barely speak under the pressure being applied to her throat by his muscular arm but there was no mistaking her raspy, snarling words. "I'm Madi Gibson and I'm going to kill you with my bare hands, Cooper Hawkes!"

Madi felt his arm fall and the knife clatter to the floor. She turned, furious, to scream at him for scaring her half to death only to end up catching him as he pitched forward. That fast, Madi forgot her anger. "Oh no, Cooper, don't fall! Please, try to stay on your feet. I can't get you to the bed myself." He was soaking wet and slippery. She heard him mumbling something but she couldn't make out the words. It sounded like 'erased.' The medics who'd taken him off the transport had warned Madi about the hallucinogenic effects of the drug he was being given for transport. It was a wonder he hadn't sliced her throat. A natural-born would never have been able to get out of the bed with wounds this serious and so medicated.

She half walked, half dragged him toward the bedroom, praying all the way his stitches wouldn't pull out. They were only halfway down the hall when he started slumping more and began to fold. She played her last card. "On your feet, Marine!" Madi ground out trying to sound as much like Shane as possible. To her amazement it worked and he started forward. They finally made it. Cooper fell backward moaning with pain and she got his legs up. She covered him, then turned him over towards her to check the bandages. No blood. Good. She started to slip out for a towel when his hand shot out and grabbed her arm, pulling her to the bed with surprising strength. "Madi?" She looked down into those beautiful blue eyes she thought she'd never see again. "Am I dead?"

"No, no, sweetheart." Her free hand went out automatically to smooth his tousled hair, now drenched with sweat. "You're alive and you're going to be fine." He stretched out his other hand, all his concentration focused on it, and buried it in her hair. "Are you a dream, again, Madi?" He clumsily ran his hand through her curls. Tears she wasn't aware of were running off the end of her nose and dropping on his chest. "No, I'm no dream, Cooper. You really are here. With me. On Earth."

"Good, I don't like when you're a dream. Don't let me go back to sleep, Madi, when I wake up you be won't here anymore."

"Yes, I will darling, I won't leave. I promise." His hand dropped and Cooper sank suddenly into the blackness. Madi gasped and checked his breathing. He either was much sicker than Shane had realized or they hadn't taken care of him on the transport. Madi had every reason to believe that was the case. Why waste time and medicine on a Tank?

She rushed into the bath for a cloth and towels to sponge him down and dry him off. It was such a pleasure to touch him again, to feel and smell him. She impatiently scrubbed the tears out of her eyes. There wasn't time to cry. Madi dug through the medical kit that had arrived with Cooper and found his medicine. It was a liquid for fever and an antibiotic she recognized as safe for InVitros and it hadn't even been opened. Bastards. She propped his head up and forced him to swallow it. She wanted him awake before she attempted to administer the pain killers.

Abruptly, the events of the day overwhelmed Madi and she sank numbly to the cold floor by his bed, holding his hand. She didn't want to sleep either; she feared the same thing as Cooper.

~*~

Madi woke to weak sunshine and the smell of breakfast. Who was cooking and why was she so cold? All at once the events of the previous day came rushing back and Madi swiveled around to see Cooper lying in her bed, breathing deeply in sleep. She got stiffly up and was about to head to the bathroom when the door opened and Reece stepped in. His wise eyes took in the man in the bed then surveyed Madi but he didn't say a word about this very novel situation. "I made breakfast, Madi. Kelsey and Avery are watching cartoons. You want some juice?"

Madi had forgotten all about it being the weekend. The night-shift monitor always dropped the kids off early Saturday morning on her way home. Normally the girls crawled in bed with Madi and they all slept late. Reece did whatever he wanted, as usual, except cuddle with them of course. His actions today told her he'd already scoped out the situation or the twins would be in bed with Cooper. "Juice would be good, hon. I'll be out in a minute." Reece nodded and studied the man in the bed a minute more before he left the room.

Madi went to shower. After breakfast she'd change Cooper's bandages then make a quick run to the village to get long-term supplies; Reece would watch Cooper for her. She made a mental note to make some stew, that was probably all she could get down him for a while. On her way to the shower, she suddenly turned and walked back over to the bed. She pinched her arm and a smile lit her eyes for the first time in a long while. He wasn't a dream and he was here.

~*~

The next time Cooper regained consciousness he had to swim through a black fog to reach the surface and the light. He kept hearing whispered voices, and thinking it was the 5-8 he wanted to wake up and see if they could tell him why his whole body seemed to be on fire.

When he opened his eyes he had to wait for the room to slide back and forth a little before it decided where it wanted to stay. Then he turned his head and was looking into four chocolate brown eyes, or maybe it was two and he was seeing double. The images refused to merge when he blinked. The eyes were in identical faces and Cooper had a weird feeling that he'd been here before, seen these tiny people before.

Seeing that he was awake they glanced at each other and the one on the right ran to the door and was gone. 'And then there was one.' The quote ran absently through Cooper's mind as he lay staring quietly at the little girl who was staring quietly at him. He was sure Madi would know the socially appropriate words to say at such times but he sure as hell didn't know what they were.

He'd never been so close to a child before and he was actually somewhat fascinated as he examined this one who stood with her elbows propped on the bed holding up her chin. She reminded him of Phousse in some respects and Wang in others and he figured she was of African/Asian American heritage. She had long, black hair that was pulled up with a colorful bow in front and hung in silky, kinky curls down her back, toffee-colored skin, almond-shaped eyes, and small starfish-like hands with minute nails painted a metallic green. She was dressed in jeans and a hot-pink sweatshirt that smelled like sunshine. Cooper noted the small clothing as well as the miniature high-top sneakers. Dolls. For some reason he kept thinking of dolls. Dolls and twins. Twins. These were Madi's twins.

Then the door opened admitting the other girl in a lime-green sweatshirt leading an older boy by the hand. Cooper noticed her nails were metallic blue and hazily wondered if Madi had them color-coded. The boy he recognized instantly. Reece. The militant, organized 8-year old who carried a knife and had been born a year before Cooper.

Blue eyes met blue and like saw like. Understanding rapidly followed: They both understood territory and Cooper was on Reece's.

Reece broke the silence. "I read the chart they sent with you and Madi let me look at the bullet hole. It's awesome," he informed Cooper solemnly, as if to reassure him of the merit of his wound. "You can barely see where the bullet went in but the exit wound is ripped." Reece held up his hand with his fingers spread out to demonstrate the impressive scale. "Missed your kidney but you nearly bled to death and you're gonna be really sore from all the muscle damage."

Terrific. Cooper decided that if all children were so morbid he hadn't missed anything by not meeting any before. "Madi's gone to the pharmacy so we're watching you," Reece stated aloofly. Coop couldn't tell if that was supposed to warn him or reassure him but the pain roiling through his insides kept him from thinking about it further as he fought to stay awake.

The twin holding Reece's hand whispered something to him and he glanced at both girls then Cooper as if weighing his words. "These are my sisters, Kelsey and Avery. They want to know your name." The girl beside Cooper held out her hand with a shy smile. Cooper slowly, painfully raised his right arm and reached over to shake it, her small hand totally disappearing in Cooper's huge grasp. "I'm Avery," she whispered, smiling brightly and showing off two spaces where teeth should have been. Cooper still thought that was odd. "That's Kelsey, she's very shy," she lisped looking over her shoulder to the other little girl who crowded in behind the boy. "That's Reece, he doesn't like anybody but us and Madi, so don't be sad if he doesn't like you."

Cooper had no response to that so he decided to stick with the basic introductions, "Cooper Hawkes. Could I have a glass of water?" Kelsey pulled her hand from Reece's and ran into the bathroom emerging shortly with a glass of tap water which she warily brought over to Cooper. He managed to take the glass but couldn't sit up to drink it without shooting pains in his lower abdominal area. He rolled over on one elbow and drink the water, it was cool and heavenly; his whole body felt hot and dry and he thought he could drink a gallon of the stuff.

Reece moved in behind him to check the bandage around his waist for blood stains. There weren't any new ones which disappointed him since that meant they wouldn't change his dressings until tonight. He wanted to see the stitched-up hole again. Reece wished he was back at the home they'd recently left, Matthew would have loved the story; but he'd never tell any of the dweebs here about the marine. Besides Madi had told them he was a secret.

Reece's glance stole up to take in the navel on the back of Cooper's neck then moved swiftly away. He had noticed it for the first time this morning when he'd helped Madi change the bandages and he'd wanted to ask her about this man but hadn't been able to find the words. His dad would have had a navel like that if the bastard had hung around. Reece walked swiftly back around the bed and grabbed the glass from Cooper's hand, suddenly infuriated and wanting to break something.

"Party time's over. Madi told us not to bother you. Get some sleep, the quicker you get better the quicker you can go back to where ever you came from." With those grumbled words Reece slammed the glass down on the bedside table and left, the twins on his heels. Cooper watched drowsily as one of them turned and smiled, waving shyly. Green nail polish…Avery. He returned the wave with one of his fingers and slid back down in to the welcome darkness still thinking about the odd dream he'd just had.

~*~

"So what's up with this guy, Madi? How come we're keeping him here?" Reece stirred the flour on the dough board around with a grubby finger and avoided Madi's eyes. He didn't mention that they'd talked to him while she was at the pharmacy.

"Reece, you're welcome to help with the cooking but go wash your hands first." Madi smiled at his back as he grumpily moved to the kitchen sink. She knew the suspense had been killing him since he'd arrived early that morning and first seen Cooper. "Lt. Hawkes is staying with us for a while until he's well enough to return to duty. He's ….a friend. I expect you to be on your best behavior Reece and try to keep the girls off the bed." She handed him half the dough and he began to knead, imitating Madi.

"Why isn't he in a real hospital? Is it cause he's a tank? Billy Dunmoore says they just let Tanks die cause it's cheaper than wasting medicine on them."

Madi's hands paused in kneading the dough as she focused her attention on the child that had literally been given to her. Reece usually skirted around the circumstances and references to his birth and heritage and Madi wasn't sure she was up to dealing with it right now.

"I'd appreciate your not using that word, Reece. It's not a nice word and it's very hurtful. And yes, in a way, Lt. Hawkes is here because he's an InVitro." She deliberately refrained from commenting on Billy Dunmoore, mainly because she agreed with him and that was scary. "Do you remember when we talked about drugs and how you must never take anything, not even if the school nurse offers it to you, unless I approve it?"

"Cause my parents were InVitros and I might be suspected?"

Madi laughed, "You might be susceptible, Reece, to certain chemicals and so is Cooper, um, Lt. Hawkes, because he's an InVitro. Once when he was hurt a doctor carelessly gave him a drug that caused an addiction. It took him a long time to recover from that. His squadron mates were going to be away from him for a while and they wanted him in a safe place where someone could watch over him. So here he is."

Madi passed him the rolling pin and showed him how to sprinkle flour on it before he rolled the dough flat. "When is he leaving? He is leaving isn't he?"

Madi had to smile at the worried suspicion in his voice. "Yes, honey, he will be leaving, possibly in three weeks or so, depending on how he heals of course and how much rest he gets, " she added significantly. She peeped around the kitchen wall into the living room to see her two little angels sprawled on the rug watching some old cartoon about two odd laboratory mice, with Moog asleep between them. Then she turned back to her other angel. The dark one. He watched her as he rolled out his dough and prepared to cut it into biscuits, that shrewd blue gaze never faltering. Madi knew he was gauging her response for truth. She could also see the gears grinding and braced herself for what she suspected was on the way.

"He's the reason we left the city isn't he? He's the reason you cried so much when you first got back from seeing Dr. Gibson."

Madi could hear the adoption counselor's reassuring voice in her head at that moment. "There will be days, dear, when you're going to ask yourself 'What possessed me to adopt this child?' That's perfectly normal, healthy even." Madi wondered if it was healthy to ask yourself that every day.

"No, Reece, the reason we left was because I wanted you away from that environment; I was afraid for you to be out on the streets. I guess I understand your need to run when things bother you but you could never appreciate how I worried about you. That's why we're here, thanks to Thursday. I feel safer and I know if you run away there's a neighbor or someone in the village who knows where you are. And yes, he is one of the reasons I cried a lot but that was a long time ago. I'm sorry if you were upset by that, I didn't realize you heard me crying."

"I heard."

He studiously placed his cut biscuits on the pan and Madi nodded for him to put them in the oven with it's pot of stew boiling on top. She got his favorite grape soda out of the fridge and split one with him, pouring his half into his rocket-patterned mug. She had found that Reece liked sharing things with her, maybe because the twins shared everything and it helped him feel included.

She sat down at the bar. He crawled up on the stool on the other side facing her. Their heads were close together and they could talk quietly now. Madi knew this was Reece's favorite way to communicate with her and she had a few things to iron out with him as usual. Her motto for this kid was 'a new day, a new problem.' She waited for him to get his thoughts together. Watching him she was struck again by how beautiful Reece was. He had creamy skin, thick black hair and lashes, and gorgeous blue eyes. Madi had a sudden vision of some girl, years down the road, taking him away from her and she placed her hand over his on the counter without thinking. She felt him tremble and saw the suspicion flare in his eyes but he held his hand still, finally relaxing in what Madi had coined as melting, from Cooper's advice to her so long ago. A lifetime it seemed.

Finally he began. "I won't say I like him being here, but I won't kill him; unless he tries to hurt you or Avery or Kelsey," Reece stated solemnly.

Madi thought of the adoption counselor and answered just as solemnly, "Thank you, Reece, that seems fair. I'm going to need your help with the twins. Playing with them and keeping them occupied. Are you okay with that?"

"Do I get a raise in my allowance?"

"Will you promise to come to me first if you start thinking about doing something harmful to Lt. Hawkes? So we can talk about it? Before we have to call the juvenile authorities? Again."

"Yes."

"Okay, you can have another fifty cents a week. Where'd you get the weird nail polish?"

"At the drug store. They wanted it really bad."

"Did you steal it?"

"No."

"Where'd you get the money?"

"I took it from your purse one day." Well, at least he wasn't shoplifting.

"I thought we agreed that you would ask me for money if you needed it."

"I'll try to remember that next time."

"You do that. Blaine told me privately she heard you using a bad word the other day."

He thought. "Was it 'fuck'?"

"I believe that was it."

"You use it."

"I do not."

"Yes you do. You used it when the tire went flat on the car. I could hear you out there kicking the tire and saying that word. Repeatedly."

"Well, Reece, sometimes in your life, there will be occurrences where you will find that nothing covers the situation so well as that word. However, you don't want to overuse it. Save it for those really necessary times. Okay?"

"I'll think about that. Can we make stickies with this leftover dough? Give some to Thursday and the ta…" At Madi's lifted eyebrow, "InVitro?" At Madi's higher lifted eyebrow, "Lt. Hawkes?"

Madi nodded and their conversation was over - until tomorrow - and she wasn't fooled for a second about Reece wanting to share anything with Cooper, he would do anything for their rationed sugar. The rest of her time before lunch was taken up with spreading the dough with butter, cinnamon, and brown sugar. As she watched Reece rolling the dough and slicing the stickies to bake, Madi thought of the girls and Cooper and she realized that everything she needed to be happy was right here in this house.

~*~

Throughout the day Cooper got worse. She sat and watched and listened as he tossed and turned in a fever. Sometimes he thought that she was Shane, and hearing him call her by that name caused her pain. At other times he thought that he was in his hammerhead, in the middle of a furball, and she listened as he called out desperate instructions to and calls for help from the rest of his squadron. At other times he seemed to be reliving the incident that brought him here, twisting as he felt the bullet slide through his flesh again. Once he even relived his time on Demios, calling for help from McQueen that never came.

He was so hot his skin felt as though it burned her hands and it warmed the water that she sponged him down with. Finally he settled a little, and she prayed that his fever was going to break. She used the time to get the kids to sleep and when she returned he was worse, still delirious, calling her Shane again. He was trying to apologise to her for something.

"Shhhh," she soothed.

"Shane, I'm sorry."

"Shhh, it's okay."

"Please don't be mad at me. Shane?"

"Shhh baby, it's okay. I'm sure that she knows."

"I'm so sorry, Shane. Please forgive me, please." She decided that the only way to soothe him was to answer his pleas.

"Forgive you for what?"

"I've tried to stop. I really did. Please forgive me."

"Forgive you for what, baby?"

"I never meant to hurt you."

"How, baby? How have you hurt Shane?"

"I wanted to forget her. Shane, I can't. Please forgive me. I don't want to love her anymore. Shane, it hurts. When will it stop hurting? Please don't be mad, Shane. I never meant to hurt you. But I can't stop."

"Stop what baby?"

"Loving Madi."

She sat back on her heels and cried. The pent up fears from the last five months were released in the tears that ran down her face. She was careful not to make a sound, not to disturb him. It didn't seem to matter. He was back in the tunnels with the rest of the Wildcards. In the tunnels he hated so much, the ones he still had nightmares about, where the roof collapsed on top of him. The nightmare he was having now.

So she was free to cry now that she knew that he still loved her, despite not wanting to. At least she now had something she hadn't had before. Hope.

~*~

She fell asleep, her crying fit on top of watching him suffer for hours exhausting her. When she woke, it was late and he was watching her, his eyes lucid for the first time in a long time. He looked exhausted, wrung out. His body glistened with sweat. She took that as a good sign, showing that his fever had broken.

"Hi," she said softly. He blinked blearily at her.

"Madi?" His voice was hoarse, his throat parched.

"Don't you remember where you are, baby?" He blinked at her again, making no effort to answer the question. His head hurt too much to think. All he could think about was Madi, his Madi sitting not two feet away from his bed.

"You're at my house. Well Thursday's actually. In Scotland. Do you remember?"

"Madi," he said again, fixating on her face. He wasn't sure if he was dreaming. If he was, he wanted it to continue. She smiled that beautiful smile at him and sat on the side of the bed.

"Would you like some water?" He nodded, and she held the glass to his lips as he drank. She had placed the glass on the bedside table and turned to get up from the bed when his arms closed around her and he pulled her back down. She couldn't get over how strong he was, even so ill.

"Madi," he said into her hair. "Madi, Madi, Madi." He repeated her name like a mantra, his lips moving over her hair. Concerned about his injury, she tried to sit up, but he pulled her down again, his arms wrapping more tightly around her. "Don't go. Madi, don't leave me again. Please." His arms and chest were hot, still fever flushed. He released his hold on her, only to grasp her face between his hands and began placing kisses all over her eyelids, nose, cheeks and finally her mouth. He felt like he was drowning in her kisses. Her sweet kisses that he thought he'd never feel again. This had to be a dream.

Tears began to flow down her face again, to mingle with the droplets of sweat on his, as he whispered sweet words against her mouth. His kisses grew more intense, his hands bolder as he tried to absorb her into his skin, to make her part of him, so she could never leave.

She tried to pull away once more, put his eyes reflected his panic, as he feared she'd go again for good. "Madi, don't go."

"Shhh," she whispered against his mouth. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to be right here."

"Stay," he pleaded. She recognised the tone. It was the tone she'd had in her voice the first time she'd asked him to stay the night. His hands slipped under her top, to caress the bare skin of her back. She recognised the need in him. Not lust, not exactly. Need. The need to feel her skin next to his. The need to feel that she was real. The need to be part of her. She felt the same need. The need to affirm life and love.

He kissed her again, his tongue slipping into her mouth, desperate. One hand slipped behind her head to deepen the kiss.

"Love you, Madi," he whispered against her mouth. "Can't forget you. Can't get you out of my mind."

"I love you too," she whispered back. "Oh god, Cooper, I've been so miserable without you."

He pulled her top over her head and tried to roll her underneath him. She felt him wince and gasp in pain from the wound in his side. She pushed him firmly back on the bed. He reached for her again, and she sank into his embrace.

"You're hurt, Coop," she whispered as she tried to release herself, trying desperately hard not to hurt him. He was determined not to let her go. She met his desperate eyes, and saw the need in them, the need for reassurance and love. She kissed him deeply, knowing what she had to do.

"Let me do the work," she whispered. His arms wrapped around her again, as she pulled off the rest of her clothes, struggling to free herself long enough to undress herself and him. She sank gently onto him, watching his face as she did so. He sighed, reaching for her again. She moved slowly against him, gently so she didn't hurt him. Gently because she never wanted to hurt him again. Gently because she wanted it to last.

The only sounds in the room were the sounds of them breathing and the soft words they whispered to one another. Words full of love.

He held her close after they'd both shuddered in release, wrapping his hot arms around her, determined never to let her go, terrified that she'd leave and never come back. His arms were still wrapped around her when he finally feel into a deep exhausted feverish sleep. She wrapped her arms around him too, tight enough to feel it if he woke, but not so hard as to aggravate his wound.

~*~

It was light when she woke, still wrapped in his arms. She was still sore from the uncomfortable positions she'd slept in, both last night and the night before on the floor but she didn't care at all. He was home, and he loved her. Any amount of aching muscles was worth just one of those things.

He was still asleep, his colour much better than it had been. She brushed her hand lightly over his forehead, relaxing when she felt that it was cool. His fever had broken, and now he was sleeping much easier. She checked his bandages, feeling a surge of guilt when she saw the light bloodstains. However, it didn't appear to be too bad. The stains were slight and judging from the colour, he had stopped bleeding a while ago. She debated waking him, and decided against it. He needed all of the rest he could get.

She staggered to the shower, groaning when she felt the hot water easing her tired muscles. It was still early, but she wanted to check on the children, make sure that they were still okay. And she was too wired to sleep any longer.

The kids were fine. The twins had crawled into the same bed together, as per usual. She was quite relieved that they had not decided to try and crawl into bed with her and Cooper. Obviously their talk yesterday had had an effect, and seeing that Cooper was still very sick last night when they had gone to bed, they must have decided to take comfort from each other.

Reece was curled up asleep in his own bed, relaxed for once. She stood and watched him for a moment, at peace. He reminded her a lot of Cooper now that she thought about it. When she'd first come back and had seen the resemblance, she'd put it down to the fact that she missed Cooper so desperately that she saw his face everywhere. Now she realised that they had the same defensiveness in their faces, that disappeared completely when they slept. They even slept the same way, their bodies curled defensively against cold, and attack. Strategies for survival on the street. She wondered if either of them would lose that habit. She hoped she'd be around to see it.

She left them sleeping and went to prepare breakfast.

When Reece woke, she had the pancake batter already prepared, as a treat. He gave her a suspicious look. He was still grumpy about Cooper being there, and was beginning to think that Madi was trying to bribe him to like this man. He wasn't buying it, but on the other hand, if he got pancakes out of it, maybe it wasn't that bad a deal. He didn't have to like the marine, just make sure he stayed out of his way.

"What's the plan for today, then?" she asked. He gave her another suspicious look.

"Are you trying to get rid of us, so that you can spend some time with him?"

She sighed heavily. She really didn't need this. "He has a name Reece, and no, I'm not trying to get rid of you. It was merely a polite enquiry. Small talk, you know?"

"You're in a bad mood. He upset you?" Reece scowled.

"No, honey. I'm just tired. Cooper's been really sick, and I didn't get much sleep. If you're going to stay in the house, do me a favour and try and keep the noise down, 'kay?"

He nodded sullenly. She sighed again. "Do you remember that time, when you had the flu? And you were really ill and just wanted to be quiet and still. And noise hurt your head?"

He nodded again, a bit more responsive this time.

"Well, Cooper's really ill too, and he needs quiet so that he can get better."

Reece fastened on that. "And when he's well, he'll leave, right?"

"He'll leave," she confirmed. "He has to go back to the front when he's well. Back to fighting the Chigs."

Reece nodded, satisfied. "Madi, if I asked him...... Do you think he'd tell me what a Chig looks like?"

She looked at him surprised. "I think he would, yes. But can it wait until he's feeling a bit more like talking?"

"'kay."

Kids.

As it turned out, the kids had made plans to go to the beach for a while. Although, as Avery explained for the hundredth time, it didn't really qualify as a beach beach. It was more rocks than sand, and the sand wasn't much good for making sandcastles. But there were cool rockpools to play in. Madi thought of wet kids and damp seaweed and god knows what that they'd bring back, and sighed once again, before pasting a bright smile on her face and saying that that would be very nice, and would they mind not bringing everything back with them. She thought the beach would be much nicer if they'd leave all the plants and creatures on it. And since it was February, and it was cold, even with the Gulf Stream warming up the west coast, would they try really hard not to fall in. She didn't need any more sick people in the house, thank you very much.

The beach was just across the road from them, and Madi agreed with Avery's definition. But it was shallow and sheltered and it did have a lot of rockpools and she knew that they'd be okay, provided they stayed out of the water for once. Now all she had to deal with was Cooper.

~*~

The next person who woke Cooper was Lucas. It was like a soft nudge, Cooper. He was so used to feeling and hearing Lucas that he didn't even start now. The first time he'd thought he was insane; he'd torn the wardroom apart looking for the owner of that voice. It had taken the entire squadron and McQueen to hold him until Lucas could talk him down. He'd lain on the bottom of the pile of Cards, shaking like a leaf with seizures and wet with sweat, absorbing Lucas's reassurances and catching occasional stray thoughts from his friends. The warmth and concern that came through to him calmed him as much as Lucas's soothing tone.

They'd all helped him through the 'mind thing' but they couldn't help him with the pain that Madi had caused. On Demios, though, he discovered just the thing for the pain and the voices: numbness. He'd found it and wallowed in it until it consumed him. Nothing, not the pain -- and nobody, not the 'Cards, not Madi, not McQueen, not even Lucas -- could reach him there though they'd all tried. He could see the anxious, worried looks, hear the whispers and concerned words... 'unpredictable … doesn't care… on the edge… lost it… get himself killed… word from Madi?… anyone know what McQueen told him?' He could sense Shane's disappointment and confusion and that guilt was the one emotion he couldn't block completely. She wanted something from him that he no longer had -- he'd already given it to Madi.

Cooper could see and hear it all but it couldn't touch him-- the numbness was a remarkable thing as far as he was concerned. You just had to operate, not feel, and most of the time everyone thought you were okay, thought you were really there. Except Lucas. Lucas knew exactly what Cooper was doing but nothing he could say could convince Cooper that McQueen was wrong about Madi. Of course, that didn't stop Lucas from trying and it was during those long months on Demios that he and Cooper had become friends of sorts. An unlikely pairing to be sure, especially since their personalities rubbed up against, and off on, each other so much. Thursday found it quite amusing to see cool, cultured Lucas come out with words like "brainwipe".

Lucas tried daily to break Cooper out of his limbo and he knew just which buttons to push. For once, he was glad that Bernard Gibson had administered the anexamylene because it had strengthened Cooper's skills to the point where he could send as well as receive. If not for his new abilities Lucas wouldn't have known he was alive on Demios and he wouldn't have been able to reassure Madi.

Now Cooper tried to ignore the contact. He liked it here in the dark. The dark was safe and he was beginning to enjoy it almost as much as the numbness. As long as he stayed here the pain couldn't reach him. The nudge came again, stronger this time.

Cooper, I know you're there. Stop playing possum.

Cooper sighed. When he spoke in that tone you might as well listen; he wouldn't shut up until he did. What is it Lucas?

You're right about me not shutting up. I've got something to tell you, something you should know.

So tell me.

You've been shot, Cooper. Do you remember what happened? I've been trying to reach you for two days and all I've got is a scrambled mess where your thoughts are supposed to be.

I don't want to talk about this, Lucas, I'm goin' back to sleep. Just rousing himself enough to think was a trial these days. He tried to sink back into the comforting blackness.

Cooper, we have to talk about this; you're not on the Saratoga. Do you know where you are? Can you remember anything?

Cooper considered the question. I remember picking up these weird thoughts from Hayden, seeing a gun, bein' on the floor. I remember wondering why she hated me when I took that bullet for her. That's it.

Do you want me to tell you what happened?

Sure Lucas, if it makes you happy, I'm awake now anyway. Where the hell is this place? I'm in somebody's bedroom or somethin'.

You're at Madi's. Lucas waited patiently through the deafening silence. Cooper?

What did you say?

He felt some of his defenses fall--just a bit-- from the jolt of emotions her name caused.

You know what I said. She's taking care you while the rest of your squadron is on planet in the Oris sector. I wanted you to know so you'd be able to handle the shock.

Shock? You think I'm a kid or somethin' Lucas, need my hand held? I won't feel anything when I see her. You could have saved yourself the call.

Do you really think if you keep saying that you'll believe it Cooper?

Because Lucas was getting too close to the truth, Cooper simply shut down, his best tool against his friend. Apathy. Okay, I'm warned, Lucas. I've changed my mind about hearing the rest, I don't care.

We'll talk later. Cooper, one more thing. Don't hurt her anymore. She's about as brittle as glass right now and I don't know how much more she can take.

If you're so concerned about her why aren't you here?

Because you two have to work this out, my friend.

Who's paying her this time, Lucas? Cooper felt his friend's displeasure at his snide thoughts which was unusual. He almost never received any emotions from Lucas except acceptance and a warm sort of feeling like he had with Nate.

Do you think prostitutes feel things for the men they have sex with, Cooper?

What?!

It's a simple question. Do you?

No. I think they just do it for the money or food. Why are you asking me this Lucas?

Because I read Madi while I was on the Saratoga. She was very upset and her emotions were so loud I could barely shield them out. She feels things so deeply that she usually suppresses most emotions rather than let them rule her. Madi's feelings for you were staggering and she couldn't constrain them. She was devastated by what happened there but she still loves you. She loves you even after you had that fling with Shane. By the way, you're lucky I didn't kill you for hurting her like that Cooper; if I couldn't see what's in your heart I would have.

Cooper flinched as Lucas punched his most vulnerable button, his love for Madi. Shut up, Lucas.

When she thinks of making love with you Cooper, of being with you, she's overwhelmed with how much she loves you and misses you. If she just slept with you for money do you think she be feeling those things?

Shut up, Lucas! Just shut the fuck up! I don't think about making love to her anymore! I don't think about her at all! And I'm getting out of here as soon as I can get on my feet!

He was suddenly furious, thrown back into the maelstrom of his misery by Lucas's unusually intimate disclosures and his own overwhelming jealousy--jealousy that Lucas could see into Madi's thoughts when he couldn't. He'd tried so many times just to make a slight connection, so light she wouldn't even know he was there, just to be near her; but it never worked for him. Now Lucas was telling him he could reach Madi and for the first time in months he felt anger. A blue flash of it that burned away the numbness if only for a few minutes.

It was only a start but Lucas was pleased. He'd taken a big risk revealing something so personal to Cooper and he hoped he didn't regret it but they had so little time to get through to him. Lucas knew if he didn't stir him up he was stubborn enough to hold out against Madi. Maybe now she had an opening. Small as it was, it was more reaction than anyone else had achieved in months.

Fine. I recognize a brick wall when I'm talking to one and you're a pitiful liar, too. You know you can 'call', as you coined it, anytime. Remember what I said Cooper, she's very fragile right now. If you hurt her again I might reconsider my actions.

You're a sucker, Lucas. Just like I was.

You do a stunning impression of Colonel McQueen. Call me if you need me, Cooper.

Yeah, well don't hold your breath, Lucas.

~*~

He was awake now. She smiled brightly at him, her smile fading when she realised that it wasn't returned and that he seemed furious. Was he mad about last night?

It didn't take her long to realise that he didn't remember last night. He didn't remember holding her all night long, or if he did he put it down to a fever dream. She was right back where she started from, the same place in their relationship as when she'd left the 'Toga. He still didn't trust her. But now she knew he loved her, and the one thing Madison Gibson never did was quit without a fight especially when it meant everything.

She kept her voice as noncommittal as she could, as she asked him, "How are you feeling now?"

He rolled on his side towards her, trying not to show her how much that action hurt, trying not to stare. God, she was even prettier than he remembered and he looked away in case she could see the want in his eyes, the need. "Okay," he answered gruffly. After a moment's pause for reflection, he added, "I hurt."

He must really hurt, she thought, to admit even feeling the slightest pain. Admitting weakness, any weakness in front of her showed just how sick he was. She moved towards him briskly, feeling his forehead for fever, pretending not to notice when he drew back warily. He might be sick enough to show her weakness, but she was well.

There was still blood on his bandages, but no more than there had been this morning. He was still running a low-grade fever but he seemed much more lucid now. He watched her closely as she changed the bandages for him, unable to stop himself from wincing as she did so. He didn't give her any help. Instead he watched her with his normal surly and guarded expression and kept his hands balled into fists to keep from burying them in her hair. She felt her heart sink to the bottom of her shoes.

"I'm not surprised you hurt after last night," she commented, watching his face closely for any change of expression. He looked at her confused, his face darkening.

"What happened last night?" he demanded, looking even more suspicious. He couldn't read her, didn't know what she meant.

"Don't you remember?"

He struggled with his memory for a few minutes, never taking his eyes from her face. Some vague memories surfaced, including some memories of holding her tight...... no that had to be another one of those dreams he kept having. Dreams where she hadn't lied to him. Where she really loved him.

There had been other dreams last night. Dreams of fire and smoke and pain and death. Dreams of Paul. Dreams of Pags and Winslow. Of Nate's brother, of Monk and that soldier whose name he never learnt. The one who'd been booby trapped that time Nathan had been hurt and couldn't remember if they were alive or dead.

"I had bad dreams," he said. An understatement.

She deflated. He really didn't remember.

"Yes," she confirmed. "You were having bad dreams. You kept tossing and turning and I couldn't keep you still. It's no wonder that you tore open your wound a little. I'm surprised you've recovered so soon."

He grunted at that, trying to sit up with difficulty. "Tanks heal quick."

She placed one hand firmly on his chest and pushed him back down onto the bed. "Not that quick." He was too weak to fight her, and gave in reluctantly. She considered him for a moment. "Are you going to be okay for a few minutes? I need to pop out for a few moments for some groceries." He nodded. "You won't move? Or try and get out of bed?" He glared at her for a moment and shook his head. "Promise?"

"I promise, Madi. Stop treating me like a baby." She swallowed a smile at that. Right now he looked like nothing more than a baby, curling his lip at her and glaring adorably. Luckily, she was enough of a 'path to be able to shield that thought from him, even if she could do little else. Although, she doubted that he'd be able to pick up anybody's thoughts in his present condition.

"Okay," she said, reluctantly. "See that you don't do anything stupid, and make me regret it. Anything happens to you, I wouldn't fancy explaining it to McQueen."

For a moment he'd thought she might actually care. What an idiot he was to think that. She was scared that McQueen would be mad. That's why she was looking after him, because McQueen wanted her to. It hurt. It hurt more then being shot.

She didn't notice his sudden withdrawal from her as she got up to leave. "Why don't you try and get some more sleep," she suggested. "Make up for last night." He had nothing else to do, and he wanted to get out of here, and away from her, as quickly as possible. At least he knew that McQueen and the Wildcards cared.

He settled down in the bed, and turned his back to her, wrapping himself back up in his misery and ignoring her.

~*~

"Who is at my hatch?"

"Colonel McQueen, sir, reporting as ordered."

"Come in Colonel." Commodore Ross sat up straight in his chair and waited until McQueen entered, dressed in jeans and a knit jersey. He knew McQueen was uncomfortable with the fact that he wasn't in uniform. "At ease, Ty."

"I came immediately as you requested, I was off duty," McQueen explained uneasily, standing at parade rest. Ross seemed so sober he was afraid he'd offended him by showing up in civilian clothes but Ty had been anxious to get word of Cooper and he'd gone out when he received the call without thinking of what he was wearing. Commodore Ross did not invite him to sit down either, another odd occurrence.

"Thank you, Colonel. I appreciate your punctuality." Ross paused a moment, still quiet and unsmiling. "Colonel McQueen, do you know what time it is in Scotland right now?"

"No, sir, I have no idea."

"It's 10:30 hours. I called you here because I want you on that phone talking to Madison Gibson as soon as I'm through." Ross held up his hand to stop the protest he could see coming. "I've watched you worry about Lt. Hawkes all I'm going to McQueen. I've reserved the communication unit here in my office and it's yours for the next thirty minutes. I know you didn't want him going, Ty, but he's there so adjust. Check on him and meet me on the bridge as soon as your duty begins with your mind on the job this time." Ross left McQueen alone then smiled when he reached the passageway.

Ty realized his friend knew him too well. He wanted to know about Cooper but the last person he wanted to ask was Madi Gibson, so Glen had put it in the form of an order. He moved over to the monitor. Ross had entered all the correct codes, all he had to do was touch the connect button --finally the temptation to check on Cooper swayed him.

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