Causative Agent (Tryons) of Rumpel-Stiltskin Disease (Type 4) within blood-cells.  Viable cells have distinct tryons within them, while those affected by Pure fluid extract of Grunkiwuwu ® show extensive damage. Note in particular the reticulate mitochondria of the cell on the left. This shows Mandevill's Variation, and is considered an important diagnostic feature. The cells are illuminated by dark-ground polarisation, and are stained with Korakal's Reagent [Cd-W]. (X 1000000000000000 electron microscopy [Gamma ray]). And a Happy Christmas to One and All.

A note from K. von Krunkel (Secretary).

The Count kontinues to improve. He is able to dictate with both ears now, which perhaps accounts for the greater length of his message this time. The latest medical reports are printed below. It was difficult to persuade the Count (what ear-intensive contests we endured!) that it was his Duty to The World to allow these to be published, but his Noble Public Spirit conquered in the end and besides, he definitely wants his enemies to know that there is No Hope for them. Meanwhile, share prices of Koraklatus Inc. have made a remarkable recovery.

A Message from Uncle Coracle 
(Graf von Korakalskrank)

Humble friends, and other riff-raff. It has given me much pleasure and support, stretched on my Bed Of Pain, to read, or to listen to, some of the many thousands of supportive messages pouring in. All is well, and the acute phase of the disease is over. I can feel new power surging into my ears, day by day, and the doctors claim to have seen movement elsewhere already. I have only restricted movement in my eyeballs as yet, and so was unable to see what was going on, but words such as 'Impressive' were being bandied about between them, so obviously the healing process continues.

We have been able to trace the source of the infection to a simple but loathsome hut in a village of the same kind, inhabited by Workers of some sort, whom I was visiting to inform of the approaching elections. I felt it my democratic duty to help them form suitable views, rather than let them waste the opportunity by voting for someone else. Look what you get by approaching the common people! I shall know better next time.

Anyway, the village and its inhabitants have been razed to the ground now, through the germ-killing (and flame-throwing) qualities of the Korablaster (q.v.), so all should be well. This is called Public Health, and the department concerned has already been commended for its prompt action. No further executions of minor officials should be necessary now, at least for the time being.

I must say no more now, as my ears are becoming tired, as well as increasingly muscular, and there are limits beyond which one should not encourage this growth of tissue. Good bye. The Coracle Eye (q.v.) remains undimmed, and sees all. Don't forget.

Uncle Coracle's Ear-Signature (Öhr-signatur).   One rapid double-slash of the ears sufficed to  produce this confident mark. What further evidence   is needed of his returning vigour and vitality?  K von K. (Secretary)

Medical Reports from Various Distinguished Sources

(edited by K .von K.)
 

Pharmagnostical Report by Herr Professor Rudolf Rufus Rumpel  The discovery of Rumpel-Stiltskin's Disease is widely recognised as the most important medical discovery of the twentieth century, and as the discoverer, any notes that I may make are inherently of greater importance and interest than those of any other so-called experts, and I felt it my duty to give my opinion in this public sheet. When I was asked to contribute, my first question to myself was to ask myself how much technical medical detail I would need to withhold from the General Public, or Scum as we term it in medical circles. There is very little detail really that would not cause alarm or harm in 'people without medical training', or Scum as we call them - in the friendliest manner possible -  and I felt that the most helpful details I could give about the Count's case would be only of a general nature. Fundamentally - there is nothing wrong with his fundament: it is only an expression used occasionally by educated people - my most accurate estimate of his condition and prognosis, is that he has been very ill, and is becoming rather less so. I estimate that this trend will continue. R.R.R (1)

Physiotherapeutical Notes by William Slob WPB, IMHO, LOL  Apart from a bit of overgrowth of the old ear-muscles, their isn't much wrong wiv the old geyser at the moment. I waggle his old legs back and fourth every hour or so, and pump his arms, and masage his tum like crazy, innit? Serprising that he is in such good condition, realy, as he cant move. Ive promised lots of runs round the castel, and swims in the mote when he is better, and he gives me a sort of look. Perhaps its frendly, I dont know. I've bouhgt him a sort of masage-bed, which riples up and down when you lie on it. Trouble is, we don't know wether he likes it or not. His ears dont half waggle when we turn it on, but it shakes him about so  they would anyway. That stuckup Secretery bloke says he can understand his waggles and he doesn't like it, but I think he just pretends to understand to make himslef important, and so I turn up the knob a bit, just to show him. Im trying to get him to wear a tracksuit as it would be wormer, but that Secretery says it has to be the gold bedrobe. I bet hed rather have the tracksuit, poor old boy. He looks a right Nana in that gold thing, as I tell him. (2)

Metaspiritual Notes by The High Priest (Bishop Oblovony)  Although we have fumigated and suffumigated the Count continuously, with the most expensive and powerful essences over the last month or so, the spiritual rewards have been disappointing. Matters have not been helped by that Secretary, who coughs and chokes in a show-off manner all the time, so as to destroy the spiritual atmosphere. The priests and myself manage just a quiet little throat-clearing, with a handkerchief to wipe away the tears from time to time. The Count himself remains inert, however loudly we chant near him, although I do catch of gleam of something - interest, perhaps - in his eye from time to time. I have tried to discuss possible funeral arrangements with him - it is just as well to be prepared - and to make a few suggestions as to who might best be his heir, but the Secretary always interferes, and I go back to the chanting, or light another kilo or so of incense. But I am the spiritual leader of the Castle Community, and I do feel that it is very important for us to look forward to the future, about which I have many useful suggestions for the Count. One possibility is that I should be raised to (4)

Patient notes by Nurse Smoothbottom  The Count's restlessness has greatly diminished since we replaced the hospital sheets with woven ermine-fur. We have been able to introduce more substantial liquid food than just egg and champagne, and over the last few days, we have added a proportion of truffles and caviar to the mixture. He is such a cuddly darling! I can tell from the way he looks at me that he has a warm heart, and I look forward to being able to giving him a good blanket bath as soon as possible. So far this has not been allowed. Over the past few days, his temperature has fallen steadily, and is only five degrees above normal now. In Transpomerania, we measure temperatures in degrees Klonk, where 1 degree Klonk equals 0.76432 degrees Reaumur, or 0.3079 degrees Centigrade, or of course, 4.9263748 degrees Fahrenheit. So a 'normal' body temperature in Transpomerania will be 79ºK (compared with 33ºC, and 180ºF). Water boils at 92ºK, and I hope that everything is clear now. There are 55 pfening to the Krahner, and 4.2 kilos to the Fang. (3)

Notes by the Secretary (K von K)
 

(1) I was obliged to shorten Dr Rumpel's Report. We were unable to include the one hundred and thirty-four sheets of notes with which he kindly supplied us, but I felt that as most of it was merely a more detailed working of the points he makes above, I could safely put them on one side, and say that any reader who would like to see them can write in. I shall be delighted to send them to anyone who is interested. Let me encourage you to write. Please do write. Immediately.

(2) I am happy to wait for the Count to recover, when it will rapidly become clear who was right.

(3) Nurse Smoothbottom has omitted to explain that the Klonk temperature scale works in the opposite direction from most others. In other words, water boils at 92ºK and freezes at 436ºK. The scale is based on the thermonising of Helium, which occurs at 0ºK. I hope there are no further problems.

(4) I felt that there was no need for any more of Bishop Oblovony's notes. He has made himself and his motives abundantly clear.

From the Post-Bag  (of Uncle Coracle)

It would not be interesting for our readers to read the reiterations of countless letters of goodwill that continue to POUR in. We have had to turn over the Ballroom to the Castle Postal Service during the last few days, as the task of sorting the correspondence (into Important People, Unimportant People, Dregs, Acceptable, Exceptional, Adequate, Wanting, etc.) has become so overwhelming. I will give just two examples, from the Miscellaneous section.
 

It will be very interesting to see Quilpio and his chopper, won't it? I know the Count is always pleased to see correspondents whom he has helped. No one ever seems to forget him. Now here is one from  a Ms Lettuce.
 
 

I am sorry, Ms Lettuce, but (1) the Hokuhakku competition closed rather more than two years ago; (2) it attracted 1,478,928 entries and took a year to judge; (3) yours would not have won, because it is not a Hokuhakku, contains the wrong number of syllables and is in the wrong metre; (4) Uncle Coracle would not have liked it, as it contains the word 'bird-bath', which we are forbidden to utter within the Castle You do not seem to understand that everything that is SHORT is not necessarily a Hokuhakku. Nor does it HAVE to be obscure. If you refer to NewsSheet 144, you will be able to see the winning entry. I should have won the competition actually, but anything remotely connected with that Prangle woman always wins.
 

The Count has asked me to remind you that the Coracle Eye NEVER SLEEPS. So Watch Out.
 

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