Disclaimer: This story is not authorised or endorsed by MCA, Universal Studios, DC Comics, Batfilm Productions, DIC Entertainment, BBK Productions, Fox Network, or any of their affiliates, etc, etc. This is purely a fan written story dedicated to "Swamp Thing" and its characters; and is not intended to infringe upon any trademark rights or copyrights. "Swamp Thing", "X-Files" and the characters and concepts contained therein are trademarks which belong to their owners. The purpose of this story is merely to entertain, and is strictly in no way connected to any profit making purposes. Reproduction of this story, in whole or part, without this disclaimer or for commercial purposes is forbidden.  

Please email comments to the 'Friends of Swamp Thing' mailing list at CultTVman@aol.com, or to the authors individually: JJ/Ponce, Fran & Steve

 

THE HOUMA FILES

-1- (JJ)

Anton Arcane had a feeling that it was going to be a bad day the minute his hairdryer exploded.

-2- (Steve)

"Holland must have something to do with this!," he muttered. "He has been a foil for everything I do. Ever since the first episode."
Arcane stumbled into his bedroom. He had overslept this morning, and for some reason even his shower couldn't invigorate him. Then this whole hairdryer thing just ruined his morning. What would be next? No ketchup for his scrambled eggs?
The intercom interrupted his foul mood. "Dr. Arcane?" It was the familiar voice of Graham. "Doctor, there's been a problem down in the lab. Various pieces of equipment all over the complex have begun exploding. I don't understand it."
"Have there been any intruders?," scowled Arcane. "Any big, green intruders?"
"Nothing out of the ordinary, at least not so far," came the response. "But the incidents are not limited to just the lab. Television equipment, telephones, even the frying pans in the kitchen have exploded. Looks like you won't get your eggs today, eh, Dr. Arcane?"
"I'll be down in a minute. Send out for my breakfast!" screamed Arcane, just as the intercom exploded in his face. He stumbled backwards, blinded momentarily by the blast. He grabbed for his robe and stormed out, heading for the lab. "Curse you Alec Holland, " he muttered.

-3- (Fran)

“Damn you, Arcane! Now what are you up to?” Alec Holland’s voice rumbled angrily as a surge of power from the ground hurled him backwards, momentarily before an overhead power line veritably exploded; whipping down to the ground where it sparked and crackled like a dying snake. It had narrowly missed him, not that even that much electricity would have been remotely injurious to a being partly composed of the elements themselves. Nonetheless, had a human been under it...well...?
This wasn’t an isolated incident. That he knew. He’s sensed minor power surges for the last few hours. Not just in the ground though: In the earth, the water, the very air itself. He looked around to where the Langford house was standing. It would be prudent to see if Will and Tressa were all right. Undoubtedly they would be feeling this too.

“Alec!?” Will’s voice screamed from the doorway of the house as he bolted outside, the sound of exploding glass clearly audible from within. “Alec!! Are you here?”
“I am here, Will” Alec intoned in customary melodramatic fashion as he emerged from the trees.
“Alec, what the hell is going on?” Will demanded. “Things are just exploding round the house...the TV, the radio, all the lights. Tressa’s computer went ten minutes ago. It was a laptop, Alec. No mains power supply! I tell you, there’s something really weird going on!”
“Yes....and dangerous!” Alec frowned and looked at Will. Will looked back at him in silence for a moment, recognising that weary and sombre expression crossing his face. Will closed his eyes and looked down. He sighed before looking back up at Alec.
“It’s that jerk again, isn’t it. He’s doing this? What’s with that guy, Alec?”
“We don’t know that for certain, Will....but it does seem likely.”
“This sure ain’t natural; and I can’t think of anyone else who makes a hobby out of screwing around with people’s lives for fun!”
“And with the intellect and resources to make it happen.....Although I cannot work out how he’s managing to do this, or why”
“Like he needs a reason, Alec!”
“We need to find out more.”
“I’m on it. Time to pay Arcane a visit, I think.”
“No Will, not on your own. It would be too dangerous. We will both go!” Will nodded and smiled.
“NNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!” A shriek echoed from within the house, causing Will and Alec to turn their heads abruptly.
“TRESSA!!” They both exclaimed in unison, almost knocking each other over in an attempt to get to the house first.

It was the damned microwave. It had exploded and Tressa was bleeding to death on the floor, hundreds of shards of glass embedded into her flesh. No! Not the microwave, as Will remembered the ironing he’d been doing. The steam iron had been hurled off the table and was even now scarring her for life. Maybe it was the scalding water from the pan that had been bubbling away with the eggs in. Yes, that was it. It must be. Will rushed up the steps and onto the porch and headed for the door, before rebounding unceremoniously off Alec, who had reached there at the same time. After a few moments of undignified shoving through a space not designed for two people that size, they both entered the house in trepidation.

“Tressa!?” Will called out. “Tressa, are you OK?”
“So there you are, Will!! Oh, good morning, Alec.” A distinctly annoyed voice greeted Will, before mellowing somewhat upon seeing who was with him.
“Tressa, you’re all right!” Will gasped. Alec just smiled comfortingly. Tressa looked somewhat confused before anger spread across her face again.
“What ARE you talking about, Will? Look, Alec, I’m sorry but you haven’t caught me at a particularly good moment. I’ll be right with you....just as soon as I’ve killed Will!” She spat sarcastically. Now Will looked confused as she turned to him. “Two chores I give you....Just two little chores. It wasn’t so much to ask, was it?” Will closed his eyes and grimaced as he remembered the kitchen. He looked up at her pathetically.
“How bad is it?” He winced. She said nothing, merely holding out what would have been a lovely red silk shirt....lovely if there hadn’t been a fist sized hole burnt through the middle of it. Will winced again. “I’ll buy you a new one?” He put in meekly. Tressa just continued to survey him, an accusatory sneer crossing her face.
“I haven’t finished with you yet, young man! There’s the matter of the eggs. You remember those from long ago this morning? My delicious, LIGHTLY boiled eggs! Those tasty LIGHTLY boiled eggs that are now sitting in a burnt out dry pan? Hmmm?”
“PMS is bad this month” Will whispered in a barely audible voice to Alec.
“I....I must go, Will. I have to find out what Arcane is up to” Alec intoned before gently backing off from the scene.
“Coward!” Will spat quietly. “Why do you always take the easy jobs?” He backed off with Alec. “Look, Tressa. I have to go. It’s important. I’ll pick some more up for you. Promise.”
“There AREN’T any more. The shops were out of them. We bought the last.. Remember???......Where are you going!?” Will gave a hurried shrug, combined with a hopelessly desperate look on his face.
“I’ll figure something. Promise. Bye!” He dashed out of the house without looking back.
“WILL!!” A voice shrieked behind him. Outside, Alec looked at him.
“Shouldn’t you try to sort this out with her?”
“We’ve got work to do, Alec. Arcane, remember?”
“Yes, but.....”
“WILL!!!!”
“Indeed, Will, we have to get to Arcane’s complex as soon as possible before people are hurt.” They crept surrepticiously away from the house.
“WILL!! I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO THOSE EGGS!!!”


“Damn it, Graham! I was looking forward to those eggs. Is that the best you could do?” Arcane dismally surveyed the ruins of his breakfast as he picked out the remains of the shattered teflon from his plate. “I don’t know! Is one little breakfast too much to ask for?” Graham just shrugged helplessly.
“I’ve sent out for more supplies, Sir, but there’s a shortage. The last eggs were sold this morning. I’m sorry, Doctor.”
“I do recall, Graham, asking you to send out for some breakfast, did I not?”
“All the diners and restaurants are closed, Sir. Public safety regulations. These...incidents...They’ve been happening elsewhere as well. Arcane frowned deeply as he briefly wondered which looked the most sorry; the remains of his breakfast, or his still dripping wet and sticky, mousse-filled wilted hair. It just seemed to sit there on his head, like a semi sentient trained mop, benign and patient as it waited in the hope of a new and glorious hairdryer to breathe life into it and tell it what to do.

A sudden crash and a squeaky shriek made them both turn in surprise. Stella came rushing in.
“Doctor Arcane!” She gasped; “Doctor Arcane!”
“Yes, Stella, that is my name! Do impart whatever the latest doom laden news is.”
“Doctor, there’s been a gosh huge explosion from your bedroom. I was in your quarters, Doctor, getting the spinal feed files. You remember you asked me to get them for you for this morning’s experiment? I would have been there sooner but there was this absolutely terrible accident in the generator room. I had to attend to Mr. Donnelly who had been injured. He was the one who was hired last month. Well.....He’s all right now, by the way. Well he wasn’t. He was in shock really.....but he’s fine now. Well, fine probably isn’t the best word.....more sort of coping with things. His family are coming for him and....
“Stella!”
“Yes, Doctor Arcane?”
“As sorry as I am for Mr. Donnelly and his heartrending experience, WHAT about the explosion in my bedroom.”
“Well...There...”
“Oh never mind. I’ll go and see for myself. Come along, Graham! Try and do something for the pay I give you.”

Arcane surveyed his quarters carefully from the doorway. Nothing seemed amiss. He gave a quizzical look and a small shrug.
“It came from over there, Doctor.” Stella put in helpfully, pointing to just beyond the bed. Arcane and Graham went over to investigate. Arcane looked down. Smoke was clearly rising from the far bedside cabinet. He knelt down slowly and carefully opened the cabinet drawer a fraction to peer inside. He frowned. Graham looked down at him, somewhat concerned.
“Is everything all right, Sir?” He asked.
“Oh yes, everything is fine. Absolutely bloody fine! Why wouldn’t it be!?” he snapped at his assistant. Graham looked momentarily puzzled before a wave of understanding hit him. He frowned too.
“Something’s exploded inside the cabinet?” Stella helpfully stated the obvious.
“That’s right, Stella. Something’s exploded inside the cabinet. Just an insignificant little electrical item. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to worry about at all.” Arcane moved away, as if to leave the room, everything having been sorted out. Stella moved towards the cabinet.
“Don’t worry, Doctor. I’ll get it all nice and cleaned up for you.” She said. Behind her back, Graham opened the cabinet door a few inches himself and took a look inside. His frown deepened. Seeing Stella heading towards him he swiftly shut the door again in the blink of an eye and blocked it with his body. Arcane became suddently revitalized and headed Stella off at the pass.
“Haven’t you got the spinal feed files to collate, Stella. Graham can take care of cleaning up the damage; can’t you, Graham?” He said, ushering her in the direction of the door.
“Yes, Doctor Arcane. Right away.”
“Well, off you go Stella. No need to worry your head about one little exploded....shaver.” He paused, as though thinking, and approving of what he’d said, before flashing her one of his best oily, winning smiles. Stella nodded politely and smiled as she left. She stopped at the door and turned back.
“Doctor Arcane?”
“Yes, Stella?” Arcane said warily.
“Doctor, didn’t I see your shaver in the bathroom?”
“No!/Yes! Arcane and Graham said simultaneously.” Stella looked puzzled. Arcane gave Graham a look that would have killed a charging rhino at twenty paces.
“The Doctor keeps two shavers.” Graham smiled triumphantly. Arcane’s glare lifted to an expression of satisfaction.
“Yes....Two shavers....”
“.....In case of......” Graham added falteringly.
“.....of....explosions” Arcane finished. Stella gave them both a puzzled look, then turned and left with a mild shrug. When out of sight she allowed herself a sly grin.

Back in the bedroom, Arcane and Graham surveyed each other.
“That was close, Doctor.”
“Oh shut up, Graham!” He sat down on the bed sullenly, briefly looking up to make sure the in-built Hi Fi system didn’t explode all over him. His limp hair chose that particular moment to finally give up all pretence of life, and flopped wearily over his forehead and eyes. He shook his head slowly, his depressed state of mind going through a list of how things could possibly get any worse; before deciding firmly that they couldn’t!

-4- (JJ)

No one knew it, but Will Kipp was a slave to fashion. He had been watching the stores, the runways, the catalogs, and now, he was sure that his time had come. It wasn't that he *wanted* to wear jeans that were so tight that he could barely get out of them. It was just that it was the 90's, for Chrissakes! Fashion fallout from the glam-rock explosion of the 80's was still sending designer shrapnel into the new decade. Designer jeans were all they *had*! He *couldn't* buy anything else! But Will had waited. Oh, how he had waited. And he had begun to sense the change, as 1992 started to creak by. Hair had gotten a little... straighter. Colors a little more muted. Huge hoop earrings, tucked in over-sized t-shirts, ugly slip-on shoes... they all started to go away. And the jeans had started to loosen. Will had opened the box of regular width jeans with trepidation that morning, his hands trembling as he pulled them on. It was a desperate act, the act of a strangled man. He wanted to be in style. He really did. But he just couldn't take it anymore.
Will Kipp was taking a step forward, and leaving Guess Jeans behind. When he zipped up the fly and buttoned the top button, his whole body had veritably melted in pure relief and unadulterated comfort. A Levi-induced dream-trance fell over him, and when he came to, he was humming "Bye Bye, Miss American Pie" in the key of C. He sighed happily, the memory of this morning giving him a small respite from his worry, as he trudged through the swamp with Alec on the way to Arcane's compound.

Alec grumbled unintelligably to himself. He wished Will would stop sighing like that. It made him sound like such a girl. Will lagged behind Alec, as he felt suddenly very peculiar, as if-- He shook his head, chuckling. No. No. That was crazy. But the strange sensation didn't stop. Will stumbled, gasping in horror. The jeans were getting tighter.
Will screamed, clawing at the Levis, as the once-regular width jeans began to constrict around his legs.
"ALEC!! ALLLEC!!!!!!!!"
Alec spun around, hearing Will's cry, and raced toward his friend. Will lay on the ground, clawing at his jeans. "ALEC! THE JEANS! THEY'RE CLOSING IN!!"
"My God..." Alec breathed. "Will, what do you want me to do? The swamp's life force is powerless against synthetics." Will fumbled desperately at the zipper, but it was no use.
"They're denim, I swear! Just DO SOMETHING!!!" He hung his head. This couldn't be happening. This just couldn't be happening. They had been *REGULARS*!!! How could Fate be so cruel?!
"ALEC!!" Will screamed. "TAKE 'EM OFF!!!" Alec stared.
"You want me to *what*?"
"TAKE MY PANTS OFF!!!" Alec flushed a particularly bright shade of green.
"Will, I.. shouldn't be the one to--" Will stared up at Alec desperately.
"Alec, the jeans are strangling him!!"
Alec frowned in worry.
"Who?"
Will closed his eyes tight, trying to breathe.
"Little Will!!!"
Alec was confused.
"Little--" Realization hit him. "Ohhh." He grimaced. As he watched Will struggle, he realized that there wasn't much time left. The jeans were growing ever tighter. He closed his eyes and made a grab for Will's fly.
"OW!"
Alec's eyes snapped open.
"What? What?"
"You hit my nose!"
"I'm sorry, Will." He closed his eyes and tried again.

It took about ten more minutes before Alec finally reached the zipper, and another fifteen before he could pry the pants off. Finally, the two sat back, with Will gasping for the sweet oxygen, and Alec gasping with the exertion -- even plant strength was hard put against those pants. Will glared at the jeans and threw them into the swamp. "Rot in hell," he hissed. Alec glanced down at Will's boxers.
"My Little Pony Fun Prints?" he asked with an arched mossy eyebrow.
"They're musical," Will exclaimed proudly.

At that very moment, Tressa's couch exploded.
"Damn piece of foreign junk."

-5- (Fran)

Tressa’s mood not only hadn’t improved, but had actually taken several steps further into increased irritability. Still bemoaning the lack of her morning cholesterol fix she had sought to improve her temper by writing some more of the story she’d decided to embark on. After a few deep breaths to control her rising blood pressure at Will’s earlier faux pas, and ensuing customary lack of consideration, she went to fetch her laptop to do some writing. It was perhaps just as well that Will wasn’t around when she discovered the remnants of her beloved computer; and she didn’t want to think about the five months of hard work that had been on it’s sorry little scorched hard drive. Novel writing was a damned sight more difficult than most people gave credit for. The boat trips and tours had been slow lately. She’d read the advert in the newspaper asking for submissions, promising wonderful financial returns; not to mention the accompanying fame; and so, of course, she’d written in. They sent the guidelines, and having perused them, she’d decided firmly that the life of a romance novelist could be a good one! That was five months ago, and her masterpiece was now in ruins. Well, at least she had a backup on CD-R....
“Unless that’s exploded too!” She snarled grimly to nobody in particular. She looked around tentatively. No. She breathed a sigh of relief. It was on the table in it’s case, and safe.....for now....Don’t think about that one too loud! She mentally admonished herself. Still, she could hardly do any work on the story now. Mom’s old typewriter’s in the attic! She thought quickly. She could still do something and re-type it up later when the computer was replaced. That was it. Nothing like a nice relaxing bit of writing to calm the old nerves. As an afterthought she grabbed the CD from the table. It would be safer with her; after all, nothing she’d been actually touching had exploded, had it? Tentatively she crept upstairs, warily eyeing her surroundings in case they decided to spontaneously combust.
The attic was strangely calm. Almost too calm, she thought suspiciously. After a few minutes of delving amongst the cobwebs she came across the typewriter: An old Silver Reed. She placed it on the table and put a scrap of paper in, typing a few letters as a test. Wonderful! She smiled. There was still enough ink on the old ribbon. Pacified for now, Tressa began her creativity in earnest, her mood distinctively better than before.


The elevator doors opened and Anton Arcane sauntered into the laboratory, looking in a somewhat better mood than before. Graham turned to look at him.
“You’re hair, Sir?” He said, perplexed.
“Yes, Graham. What about my hair?”
“It’s....it’s, er, normal again.” Well, maybe normal’s not the right word, he thought, but it’s definitely you!. “Did you find another working hair dryer, Doctor?”
“No, Graham. No need for those trivialities?.” Arcane said casually. “Some things just right themselves quite naturally....especially amongst the more gifted of us, eh?” Graham nodded, although still a little perplexed. “Anyway, we’ve got far more important things to deal with right now than my hairstyle, Graham.” He addressed his assistant, wisely deciding not to mention his cunning plan to combine tortuous towel drying, half a cannister of Nexus firmest hold mousse, and hanging himself upside down from his towel rail over a portable heater for the last 40 minutes. You’re a genius, Anton! He proudly reminded himself, surveying his gloriously restored mane in the reflection of a shiny metal filing cabinet. No problem is insurmountable with a little help from my intellect; and ‘Incredible’ is my middle name, after all!
“There was a minor incident an hour ago in the pits outside, Doctor: Some acid leakage after a pipe burst open; but there’s been nothing new happening. No more explosions for now. It all quietened down suddenly, Sir.” Graham’s voice broke him off from his train of self agrandising thought.
“Well, that’s something of a relief at any rate. Have you found out anything more about what’s been happening?”
“Er, no, Sir. We’ve been too busy clearing up and assessing the damage.” Arcane’s irritated look returned abruptly.
“I don’t know. I’m absent for a mere hour and nothing useful gets done. Must I do everything myself?”
“I’ll get onto it, Doctor Arcane.”
“Oh, don’t bother on my account, Graham. I’ll look into it myself. You could hardly be trusted with an investigation requiring initiative and intellect anyway!” Graham look downwards, hurt by the rebuke. Arcane noticed and sighed irritably. “Stop sulking, Graham. If it’ll make you happy you can come and check the damage outside with me; after I’ve spoken to Sheriff Andrews, that is” Graham just nodded, still looking downwards and shuffling his feet a bit. His lips hadn’t quite formed a sullen pout, but it was close.
“Graham! Are you even listening to me?” Arcane snapped cynically at his assistant.
“Yes, Doctor” came the almost monosyllabic reply. What little patience Arcane had was wearing thin.
“In that case, make yourself useful and get Andrews on the phone for me.”
Graham walked over to a bench and picked up a piece of black plastic that resembled something that had crawled out of a Salvador Dali painting, and proferred it to Arcane.
“Your cell phone was one of the first things to go this morning, Doctor.” Graham pointed out to him. Arcane frowned.
“Then use the laboratory phone, you idiot!”
Graham went over to the wall mounted telephone at the other side of the lab. He moved to pick it up, then stopped just short of touching it; eyeing it like a swarm of bees that might decide to sting him any moment now.
“Graham. What are you waiting for?” Arcane called angrily to him.
“Wouldn’t it be best if you dialled, Sir? You’re going to be the one to speak to him.” Graham was still keeping a relatively safe distance from the phone.
“Graham? Kindly remind me who is in charge here. In a moment of absent minded misunderstanding I’ve obviously forgotten.” Graham sucked his cheeks in with frustration.
“But, Doctor Arcane....what if it...well...explodes?”
“Well you wouldn’t want to see me injured, would you?” Arcane said casually.
“No, Sir. I’d hate that!” It wasn’t obvious, but there may have been just a tiny degree of sarcasm to the way Graham had said that. He closed his eyes and snatched at the receiver. Nothing untoward happened. He swiftly dialled the required numbers and reticently put the receiver next to his ear. Arcane made his way over to where Graham was.
“Sheriff Andrews?” Arcane heard Graham’s voice talking to someone on the other end of the phone. He reached out, indicating that Graham hand him the receiver. Graham complied, then backed off, happy to be at a safer distance from anything remotely explodable.
“What’s going on, Sheriff?” Arcane said evenly to the man at the other end. “Deputy Jensen?.........Well, where’s Andrews?........Well how long is he going to be away, this is bloody important?.......Wonderful!.........No.............Yes........You don’t say?...........Very well, I suppose you can help. I want to know what’s going on with these...incidents that have been happening.........Everywhere, you say.......California?..........Canada??.......... But you’re sure Houma has the most concentrated incidents?......Hmmmm, interesting.........No theories yet, then?.........Well collate all your data and send it to me..........Your Fax melted?.........Well transfer the damned file then!...........Oh...No computer either!...........Well have it delivered then......You do have some cars left, I take it?....Oh good!..........Yes...yes I appreciate that it’ll take time..........Yes.........Yes.........Do it anyway...........Yes, I’ll see you get your usual fee! Goodbye, Deputy.....and Get Andrews to call me when he does decide to turn up.” Arcane slammed the receiver down, almost breaking it himself.
“Do you still think it’s Holland’s doing, Sir?” Graham enquired.
“No. Definitely not Holland. It’s too widespread. Besides, annoying me may be one of his sadistic pleasures, but he wouldn’t do anything that would endanger inno......people other than me.”
There’s not a lot more we can do for now, Doctor. Why don’t we check the acid pits outside?”
“Why not.” Arcane muttered wearily; “I can’t think of anything else I’d rather be doing than taking an invigorating stroll around the acid pits on such a fine and cheerful morning! Lead on, Graham.”

Outside the complex, Alec and Will stared at the scene. It was busier than usual. Multitudes of workmen were scurrying about with a purpose. Will frowned.
“It’s gonna be tough getting past them, Alec; and Arcane’s not exactly going to make himself accessible to us.”
“It isn’t usually this busy. I knew he must be up to something. The instincts of The Swamp are never wrong, Will”
“Well what do we do? Wait?”
“For now, Will. Yes. Waiting is all we can do.”
“I don’t like it, Alec. There must be a way of getting into the building.” He looked around, desperately seeking anything that they could use as cover. Will’s eyes widened eagerly at a sight by one of the pits. “Alec; Look! We’ve hit the jackpot! Yes!!” Alec followed Will’s gaze to one of the acid pits. It was Arcane and Graham themselves. They’d just exited the building and had approached one of the pits. He looked at the perimeter fencing. Fortune was smiling broadly. That pit just happened to be right next to it, albeit a few hundred yards away to the right. He turned to Will and smiled. They both nodded to each other and set off. It would be simplicity to break through the fencing and get to Arcane before the guards could interfere. Once he had Arcane, they’d dare not interfere for fear of injuring the scientist.

“Shouldn’t be too long before the spill’s all cleaned up, Doctor.” Graham said helpfully as Arcane surveyed the damage. Arcane merely nodded. It wasn’t as bad as he’d expected. Some of the workers had been burned and injured, but that didn’t really matter. He hadn’t lost too much of the acid. He felt a modicum of satisfaction.
“We may as well go inside, Graham, in case Andrews calls. There isn’t much to do out here.”
“Where is Sheriff Andrews?” Graham asked as an afterthought.
“He had an incident problem this morning. He was apparently still trying to extricate himself.”
“From what?”
“Graham.....Don’t ask. Just pray it never happens to either of us!”


“Look at them, Alec. Probably talking about their deranged schemes.”
“Indeed, Will. There’s no evil that Arcane isn’t capable of.” They’d moved round the perimeter and were merely 20 metres or so from the two men. The noise of the place made it difficult to hear the conversation though.
“Time to go, Alec. Let’s go get them.”
“Wait, Will”
“Alec?”
“We can’t go in like this.”
“Huh?.......Oh!” Will followed Alec’s gaze down to his mode of attire.
“Will. It is not in my nature to be judgemental;” He paused and thought on that for a moment, but continued anyway; “But I don’t feel....comfortable for us to confront Arcane when you’re dressed in those.....My Little Pony Fun Prints” He muttered those last words in a tiny gravelly whisper.
“You want me to take them off, then?” Will quiped sarcastically
“No! No, I’ll go in alone.”
“There’s two of them Alec. You can’t split yourself in two.......can you?” Look, Arcane could get away. You need me there to deal with Graham.”
“Hmmmm.” Alec pondered this. “Very well. I could render a guard unconscious and you could use the uniform.”
“Hey! Fine by me. Show me a guard near enough?”
Alec looked around. It wasn’t promising. Where was there a guard when you did need one.
“No time, Alec. We’ve got to move now. They’re leaving!” With a resigned sigh cum snarl, Alec tore through the fencing and he and Will made straight for Arcane and Graham, who’s backs were now turned from them.

For now oblivious to all this, Graham and Arcane made their way back towards the elevator. After the morning’s tensions Graham seemed more much relaxed.
“So, Doctor Arcane, there’s not much to do for the moment since we don’t have much working equipment left; and Stella’s dealing with the data collation. And well, we’re waiting for the police reports, and, well, I guess we could always do some.......”
“Aaaccchhhh!!”
“Doctor??” Graham turned as he heard Arcane give a strangled cry. As he turned he saw the familiar and unwelcome form of Alec Holland holding Arcane by the throat. Graham backed away slowly, indicating he wasn’t going to resist if it would endanger his employer.
What do you want, Holland?” Graham asked agitatedly. “Let Dr. Arcane go.”
“Not until we get some answers from you creeps.” Will’s voice answered from behind Graham. Alec cringed and shut his eyes briefly as he saw Will. He’d managed to sort this out on his own. It wasn’t necessary for Will to have joined in. Alec held Arcane firmly, but released the grip on the man’s throat. With a choked cough, Arcane began to breathe again.
“Bloody Hell, Holland. Are you trying to give me a heart attack!?” He gasped, rubbing his throat with his one arm that wasn’t pinioned behind his back. “What the Hell is the meaning of th.......” His anger momentarily forgotten, Arcane’s voice trailed off as he noticed Will for the first time. “My Little Pony Fun Prints??” Was all he could think of to say that seemed remotely appropriate.
“They’re musical!;” Will announced; “Like it’s any of your concern.” Arcane just stared. Anton Arcane was a man who was rarely lost for words, but this did seem to be one of those occasions. Alec cringed inside again, fearing The Swamp’s street cred heading down the toilet.
“There was a sale of them on at the Wal-Mart in Beaumont;” Graham added; “........Urm, or so I was told.” By now Arcane had composed himself. If he’d been at all afraid before, the sight of Will’s underwear seemed to break that mood rapidly.
“So, Holland. To what do I owe the pleasure of this little social call? You can release my arm, you know. I doubt I could escape you. Besides, since you’re here I’ve got some questions I’d like to ask you. We can talk civilly, you know.” He glanced back at Will. He couldn’t help it. The eyes just kept getting drawn back. “I won’t ask.” He muttered. Yes. Best not to ask. The image of both that and of Sheriff Andrews in one morning was more than enough for any sane man to bear.
“What are you up to, Arcane?”
“Walking. Minding my own business. Talking with Graham here. What exactly are you implying, Holland?”
“You know very well what I’m talking about. I abhor violence, but when innocent people...my friends are endangered I WILL find the truth. And I will do to you whatever it takes to find it!”
“Oh stop being so bloody melodramatic, Holland! Graham! Give him some of your Prozac, will you.”
“This is no time for flippancy, Arcane.” Arcane merely stared back at Will again, raising his eybrows quizzically.
“Show me a better time, then. Look, Holland. You’re here about the incidents. Unexplained explosions of everyday objects....Yes?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Then perhaps you can tell ME what’s causing them? In case it’s escaped your notice, my complex has suffered considerable damage today. Look around you.” Alec complied. It was true, he had to admit. The workforce did seem to be busy repairing things. “This is happening nationwide, Holland. Objects are spontaneously self destructing. People are being hurt, or incapacitated...” His mind couldn’t help trailing back to the image of Sheriff Andrews. He shuddered, although allowing himself a brief mental smile; “....And I can assure you that I’ve got nothing to do with it. I was nearly injured myself earlier.” Alec held him tightly and closed his eyes, concentrating. With a sigh, he released Arcane.
“He’s telling the truth, Will. He really doesn’t know anything about this.”
“Can I safely take it that you don’t know what’s causing this either?” Arcane asked rhetorically.
“Yes.” Was Alec’s succinct reply.
“Look, Holland. I’ll make a deal with you. If you find out anything about this, let me know. I’ll do the same for you. Between us we’ll have a better chance of getting to the bottom of it.” Alec had to grudgingly agree with the logic. However, trusting Arcane was a different matter, and something that came anything but easily to him. Nonetheless, for now it seemed the only thing he could do.
“Very well, Arcane. But I warn you. Try to withhold information; or doublecross me if what you find proves useful to you, and I shall.....”
“I get the general idea, Holland. So! We have a deal then?” Arcane offered his hand, giving Alec one of his best smiles that said ‘You can trust me with your life’; but made you want to take an immediate shower and look for the knife in your back.
“Yes. A deal, Arcane.” Alec replied, not shaking the hand though.
“Jolly good. Well, shouldn’t you be off looking for clues then?” Alec backed away.
“Come, Will. There is nothing more to be gained here, for now.”
“Oh, and Will?” Arcane said pleasantly; “If you’d like, I can recommend a very good tailor in New Orleans” Will just glared. At that moment there was a spontaneous spark of electricity from the tiny batteries in his shorts waistband; and the “My Little Pony” theme tune started playing in a tinny, but hypnotically cute tone. That was it. Alec had had enough. He grabbed Will by the arm and hurriedly ushered him away from the complex. Arcane and Graham watched smugly as they left.

“Well, that worked out rather well.” Arcane said cheerfully.
“It did, Sir?”
“Now we have our resident swamp mystic working for us. Beautifully ironic, isn’t it, Graham?” Graham seemed preoccupied.
“Do you think those shorts were dangerous, Sir? They did kind of explode....a bit....”
“We can only hope that they are, Graham. One less Will Kipp in the world is a concept to savour.”
“But, Sir....?”
“Oh give it a rest, man. Why are you so interested anyway?”
“Oh....no reason” Graham said warily as they headed back to the elevator.

Stella was waiting for them when they got back to the lab.
“Sheriff Andrews called while you were gone.” She said helpfully.
“Ah, splendid!” Remarked Arcane. ‘Best call him back, then.”
“There’s no point, Doctor. He said he didn’t have any more information yet than Deputy Jensen gave you. He’ll call again when he does have something.”
“Fine. And how is the good Sheriff, Stella?”
“Why, Doctor? Was there supposed to be something wrong with him?”
“He didn’t mention anything? What a surprise!” Arcane grinned. Stella looked puzzled, but decided it was best not to pursue the matter. She had work to do. Just then, the laboratory phone rang.
“Speaking of the devil, I imagine.” Arcane mused, gesturing for Graham to answer it. “Graham, tell the Sheriff I’ll be with him shortly.” There was a pause as Graham listened to some information from the other end.
“Sir. It isn’t Sheriff Andrews.” Graham sounded both worried and puzzled.
“Well, who is it?” Arcane snapped. “I’ve got better things to do than play guessing games with you, Graham.”
“It’s Security, Sir. The F.B.I’s here!”
“WHAT!?” It was a good job Arcane wasn’t drinking anything or it would have been sprayed over the desk at this point.
“The F.B.I’s here.”
“Yes, Graham. I heard what you said. Well what the Hell are they doing here? This is all I bloody need right now. An external investigation into my affairs. And why the Hell didn’t Andrews stop them?....Or at least warn me they were coming!? Look, get Security to delay them for a short while. Give them a limited tour...coffee....anything. I need 10 minutes to tidy up and talk to Andrews about this.”
“I’ll try, Sir.” Graham gave security their orders, and as soon as he’d finished, Arcane grabbed the receiver and furiously dialled Sheriff Andrews’ number. It was only about 10 seconds that he waited for an answer, but from his impatience it might just as easily been 10 minutes.
“And Graham.....For the love of God, make sure Mirador’s Brain is well hidden.....Dispose of the autopsies; and Stella, find somewhere quiet to put the bloody mutants!!..... Ah, Sheriff! What the Hell is going on?.......No.......not the explosions.........look, what happened this morning was unfortunate but I’ve got more important things to think about right now.......NO!.......Look, Sheriff, I pay you very well, do I not?......I expect something in return.........yes...........No.........Listen to me, Sheriff, when I suddenly discover the F.B.I turning up on my doorstep I expect to at least have been notified in advance.........Yes, I appreciate you weren’t exactly around earlier.........No........You must have had some warning of this?..........Oh.........Well what the Hell are they investigating me for anyway?.........That’s not good enough, Sheriff. It’s your bloody job to know these things!!.........”

At that point the elevator doors slid open and two official figures entered, escorted by Security. In one fluid movement, Arcane put down the receiver, composed himself, and changed his expression from one of unaccustomed panic to welcoming friendliness. With an oily smile he proferred his hand and greeted the two visitors.
“Doctor Arcane?” Said one of the officers, an attractive young woman.
“Of course. Who else could I be?” Arcane broadened his smile and took her hand, kissing it gallantly. The officer gave an embarassed smile and withdrew her hand gently. The other officer with her, a wiry man, wasn’t paying Arcane any attention. He seemed more interested in scrutinizing the lab in the minutest detail. The woman took out her badge and showed it to Arcane.
“I’m Agent Dana Scully. This is Agent Fox Mulder.” She indicated her partner, who had now gone over to some pieces of equipment to look at them in more detail. He was beginning to irritate Arcane already.
“To what do I owe the pleasure?” Arcane said pleasantly, deftly covering his previous agitation.
“Sir, I’m sure you’re aware that there’s been some unexplained phenomena occurring across the country.”
“I had noticed a few things out of the ordinary.” Arcane said mildly.
“Doctor Arcane. Are you aware that the epicenter for these phenomena is here in Houma. That there are approximately 500 percent more incidents than any other town.”
“Really? How fascinating.” Arcane continued. “And where do I fit into this?” He edged, as pleasantly and politely as possible. By now, Agent Mulder had moved over to examine Arcane’s infra-red pain threshold cabinet. He was looking at it as though trying to fit the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle together. He was really starting to distract Arcane.
“You are a leading figure in the world of Science, Doctor. Perhaps you have information that could help us in our investigation?”
“You want my help as a Scientist?” Arcane ventured.
“We’d appreciate any assistance, Doctor Arcane. Of course, any information you could supply regarding the nature of the incidents....I presume you’ve witnessed them firsthand.....would be immensely helpful too.”
“If you don’t mind my asking, isn’t this out of the F.B.I’s usual field?”
“We’re not a mainstream department of the F.B.I, Sir. It’s our job to investigate phenomena such as this.” Inside, Arcane’s heart leapt with joy and relief. YES!!! He thought to himself.
“Do you hear that, Graham?” He beamed. “They’ve come to help find out about the incidents. Well, I’m sure we’ll do our humble best, here at Arcane Industries, to accomodate you in any enquiries.”
“We appreciate it, Doctor Arcane.”
“What is this, Sir?” Agent Mulder was still at the booth and had pressed a button on the front. The inside of the booth became bathed in a red glow. Arcane rushed over to it and switched it off.
“Heh, Industrial Microwave.” He said quickly, trying hard to keep his smile. “Best not get too close, eh?” Mulder shrugged and walked to the other end of the laboratory, where he began peering into test tubes. When Scully wasn’t looking his way Arcane gave Graham a furious stare. It positively shouted ‘Get this man out of here’. Graham just shrugged helplessly.
“Doctor Arcane?” Mulder finally returned to the group. “Have you noticed anything strange round here, Sir?”
“Strange? You mean aside from everyday objects spontaneously exploding?”
Mulder just smiled.
“We’ll need a list of all the events you’ve had experience of today putting together.”
“That shouldn’t be a problem. Why, I’ll even get on to it immediately, if that would help.”
“We appreciate it. But has anything else happened around here that’s out of the ordinary....any unexplained events prior to these?” Arcane appeared to ponder for a moment.
“Unexplained events?......Nope! Nothing I’d describe as, er, unexplained.” Arcane shrugged his shoulders absently.
“How about anything unusual or out of the ordinary?”
“Unusual?.....Out of the ordinary?......Nope, not really. Until today, Houma’s been pretty normal for....well....Houma. It’s a dreadfully boring little town usually.” Arcane said in wide eyed innocence.
“Odd. You are aware that even before this there have been numerous reports of sightings in the area?”
“Sightings?” Arcane ventured.
“Human like creatures have been reported in the area by several witnesses.”
“Probably had too much to drink on their way home.” Arcane smiled reassuringly.
“A man called Carter LaRoche was institutionalised after claiming he saw a Swamp Sasquatch.”
“I met the man the couple of times. Over the edge to begin with.”
“Naturalist Ian James claimed he saw something similar; and that he even filmed the creature.”
“So where’s the film?”
“He claims it dissolved on it’s own.”
“And you don’t find anything remotely suspicious about a story like that?”
“Mr. James returned to Houma, and disappeared after making a last phone call to his agent; claiming he was in mortal danger.”
“Probably in some tax haven enjoying the sun!”
“A lot of people have disappeared in the swamp.”
“It’s tragic, I know, but people do drown.”
“A while ago there were a number of mysterious deaths. Victims reputedly mauled by a Panther. Panther’s aren’t indigenous to Houma, are they, Doctor?”
“Not to my knowledge. I believe Sheriff Andrew’s investigation found it to be the work of a serial killer.”
“There were also a number of mysterious deaths where the bodies became calcified.....kind of like they were turned to stone.”
“Just a practical joke. Some local youths built papier mache and plaster likenesses of people and pretended they were bodies. Just read Sheriff Andrews’ report on it. Just what are you getting at, Agent Mulder?”
“I’m just saying that Houma seems to be something of a hot spot for the unexplained, Doctor.”
“I’m a scientist, Mr. Mulder. There are no Sasquatches in Houma. No crop circles; No...er..little green men; and I can assure you that until today, I haven’t seen anything that I can’t explain quite happily!”
“Mulder.” Scully turned to her partner. “We’re getting off-track.” She whispered an aside. “We’re here to investigate known explosive phenomena, not to solve every tabloid story about this town.
“You know me, Scully, always love a challenge.”
“Doctor Arcane. Thanks for your time. If you could compile a list of all the incidents you’re aware of, and as much detail as possible we’d appreciate it. I’ll give you my number. If you could give me a call when it’s ready.”
“My pleasure, dear lady; and don’t hesitate to get in touch if you come up with anything and require my help.”
“Of course, Doctor.”
“Graham, why don’t you show Agents Mulder and Scully out.....May I call you Dana, by the way?.” Scully gave a polite, if somewhat unenthusiastic nod.
When they were gone, Arcane veritably collapsed into a chair. He gazed at Stella, who had returned.
“I’m going for a lie down now, Stella. I have a headache; and I don’t want disturbing unless the complex is on fire!”


“He’s hiding something, Scully.” Mulder grinned when they were on their way back from the complex.
“Mulder, do you have to see conspiracy theories everywhere?”
“He had a definite agenda, trust me, Scully.”
“The only thing he wanted was pretty obvious to anyone who wasn’t looking at Microwaves.”
“You wouldn’t think jerks like that still existed. I reckon he liked you though. Don’t think he liked me very much.”
“Can’t begin to think why.” She grinned broadly. “I think he could help us though.”
“You’d think that a guy with hair like that needs all the help HE can get!”
“Still, he is one of the world’s leading scientists; and he does have something of a reputation for being unorthodox.”
Just then, the car radio started to behave oddly. It started up spontaneously; then channels started skipping violently. Perplexed, Mulder started fiddling with it.
“Leave it, Mulder.” Scully advised, bringing the car to a halt. Mulder pulled his hand away. As the digital channel readout reached 690 it chose that moment to blow up. They just sat there and looked at each other in silence.

-6- (Steve)

Tressa was pounding the keys of typewriter with a passion she had never felt before. The words were flowing through her fingers as if she were one with the typewriter. She had set aside her plans for a romance novel when her PC had exploded. Hopefully she could rescue it when she could get the computer repaired.
In the meantime she was writing a horror story. She recalled seeing an ad, somewhere on the internet, about someone looking for swamp monster fiction. She knew she could write that. After all, it was almost her life story. There had been swamp monster stories when she was a kid, and more recently, many more reports of strange creatures lurking in the swamplands near Houma.
Of course, she knew there was no such thing as swamp monsters.

Scully was still recovering from the strange blast that had eminated from the car radio. She was brushing bits of plastic out of her hair while Mulder was staring at the dented fender of their car. Fortunately neither of them were injured when the car ran off the road, but the small explosion that came from their radio was an unexpected surprise.
“I suppose you have an explanation for that, Scully,” said Mulder sardonically as he got back into the car. “The fender’s a bit battered, but I think it’s drivable. I don’t think were going to get any music out of that radio, though.”
“Well, it could have been an explosive planted by whoever doesn’t want us snooping about,” replied Scully. “It’s not a big secret that we’re here. The sheriff knows we’re here, and news travels fast in small towns. But what I don’t understand, Mulder, is
why someone would plant an explosive in the radio. There are easier ways to try and scare us off. And if they wanted to kill us, they would have used a larger explosive.”
“I don’t think this was caused by any sort of bomb,” said Mulder. It looks to me like one of those strange, unexplainable phenomenon that has been occurring all over the country. If you look closely at what’s left of the stereo, you don’t see any bomb residue. Besides, the only time we’ve been out of this car was when we were in Dr. Arcane’s lab. And we weren’t gone long enough for someone to plant a device.”
“We’ll something is causing these mysterious events. Radios, telephones, computers don’t just go bang for no reason.”
“I think we’ll have to split up. You can take me out to the swamp. I think there’s a boat rental place not too far from here. I have a feeling we may find our answer out there.” Mulder pulled a test tube out of his pocket, and tossed it to Scully. “Why don’t you go to town and check this out. It’s why I believe Arcane was not entirely truthful. There have been too many disappearances or deaths of noted scientists and researchers around here. Too many strange happenings that have been covered up.”
“If there is a cover-up, Mulder, we had better not contact Sheriff Andrews. He may be involved. I’ll visit the hospital. There’s a Dr. Hollister there who should be able to help me analyze whatever is in this test tube.” Scully stared at the contents of the tube. It was a green, mossy substance, unlike anything she had ever seen. “What do you make of the label? Does ‘Holland’ mean something.”
“I’m not sure. There was a Dr. Alec Holland doing some biological research down here, maybe ten years or so ago. He was killed in a lab accident, or so they say. His body was never found. Does that raise your curiosity?”

Alec and Will were returning to the Kipp house, when a dark car pulled up and dropped off a well dressed man.
“Looks like you’ve got some company” said Alec as he crept into the bushes.
“I’d better go catch him before Tressa gets her hands on him, replied Will. “No telling what could happen in her state of mind. Hey Alec, if Arcane isn’t behind these happenings, who is?”
“I’m not quite sure, Will. The swamp doesn’t always tell my what she’s doing. It may or may not have to do with the swamp, Arcane, or anything earthly. Or maybe something else is working through the swamp, or through Arcane. But somehow I feel it is connected with us, right here.”

“Can I help you?” yelled Will Kipp as he ran to greet the stranger. The stranger was about to knock but turned to Will. “Yes, I’m interested in renting a boat. Are you the Kipp, of Kipp Boat Rentals?”
“Well, sort of,” said Will. “Tressa, my step mother, is the real Kipp, but she’s not feeling well at the moment. I can rent you some fishing gear too if you want.”
“That won’t be necessary. Agent Fox Mulder, FBI,” said the man, identifying himself with the flip of his badge. “I want to look around a bit. There have been some strange events in the area. Anything like that happen around here? Nice shorts, by the way.”
“Um, something happened to my jeans,” mumbled Will, blushing.
At that moment, their conversation was interrupted by the crash of shattered glass and the sight of an old Silver Reed typewriter flying through the air.

Back in Dr. Arcane’s laboratory, Stella was still cleaning up from the morning disaster. She was interrupted by Graham dashing madly about.
“Stella, quick, have you seen Dr. Arcane?”
“He’s in taking a nap. What’s with the My Little Pony underwear?”
Graham smiled. “It’s the latest fashion trend. But that’s not important. We’ve got to wake Dr. Arcane. That red headed FBI lady is snooping around the hospital and asking a lot of questions.”
Stella was now facing a dilemma. “But, Graham, Dr. Arcane insisted we not disturb him unless there was a fire!”
“Maybe we should start one.”

Scully was excited. The sample from Arcane’s lab was more than she ever expected. In fact, she had never seen anything like it. She pulled out her cell phone and hit the speed dial for Mulder
“Mulder.... you’re not going to believe this... Mulder... listen to me...Mul--...Mulder!... slow down, I can’t understand you... FOX! Who is Tressa Kipp, and what do you mean she’s an alien?”
Then her phone exploded.

-7- (Fran)

“Scully?...Scully, are you there?.....Scully!....Damn!” Fox Mulder cursed softly to himself, shaking the phone a bit just to make sure the thing really had gone dead.A concerned look spread across his face and he put his cell phone back into his coat pocket and turned to Will, who was regarding him in abject bewilderment. “It went dead.” He told Will as he fumbled in his coat for his handgun; his eyes simultaneously darting to the wrecked typewriter lying on the ground before them, then to the broken attic window it had come flying from.
“Relax, man. Reception’s usually lousy around here.” Will continued to stare at the man. Mulder nodded, though not looking completely reassured. He looked at the house thoughtfully;
“Guess I get to go in alone for a change.” He mumbled to himself resignedly. “Mr. Kipp?....”
“.....Will.”
“Fine....Well, Will, you’d better stay outside. Get to a public phone if there’s one around and call this number.” He reached into his inside coat pocket and pulled out a small card. “Ask for Dana Scully and tell her I need backup.” He handed the card to Will, who was still staring at Mulder intently. Will looked down at the details on the card.
“Kum Kwik massage parlour???” he stuttered.
Mulder hastily snatched the card back with an embarrassed cough and began rummaging in his pocket again for a few seconds before pulling out a second card, which he also handed to Will, who looked at it and noted the cell phone number written down, with the initial S scrawled next to it.
By now, Mulder had readied his gun and was approaching the house carefully. Will momentarily continued to stare at him slightly open mouthed, then broke himself out of his trance and ran up to Mulder, grabbing him by the arm.
“What the hell are you doing?” He asked incredulously.
“It’s possible she’s responsible for what’s been going on. I need to talk to her...it...and find out why she’s here, but if that typewriter’s anything to go by she’s going to be hostile.”
“She’s here because she LIVES here!.....and she’s always hostile this time of the month.”
“You said.....”
“It was a joke, man. A figure of speech. Look, when I said that she’d been replaced by an alien pod person, I just meant....oh forget it!”
Mulder looked downwards with a mildly embarrassed smile, before collecting himself and putting the gun away, shaking his head slightly in amusement. He looked back at Will.
“Not Kim Basinger then?” Mulder muttered with a grin.
“Huh?” Will looked confused.
“Your stepmother isn’t an alien?” he quipped.
“That’s, er...cute.” Will smiled nervously at Mulder, still painfully aware that this man had questionable sanity, a gun, and a government permit to use it....the gun that is. Will was dubious that the government had sanctioned Mulder to use whatever sanity he may have had. “See many aliens in your line of work?” Will asked Mulder, humouring him.
“Only out of hours.” Mulder retorted back at him with a broad grin. “What about you?”
“Only the occasional illegal one. If it’s aliens you’re looking for, try Nevada....or California. This is Houma. Takes a lot just to get normal folks to visit here!”
“Quiet place then, Houma?”
“One horse town, and it went lame.”
“Pretty much what Arcane said.” Mulder commented. Will’s face betrayed a tiny spontaneous frown at the mention of that name. Mulder picked up on it immediately. “Something I said? You don’t like Arcane, I take it?” Will shifted uncomfortably.
“We just don’t get on.” was his only reply after a moment of thought.
“Any particular reason?” Mulder dug deeper. Will just shook his head.
“Nothing particular. Probably just opposite personality types. You know how some people just rub you up the wrong way?” Will countered, looking at Mulder. Mulder pondered this and contemplated Arcane. After a moment he just nodded his head in seeming acceptance.
“So Houma’s pretty dull. No Panthers then?”
“Huh?”
“Or sub humans....or Swamp Sasquatches? You know, Will, there’s been a lot mentioned about this place way before this current series of incidents. A lot of disappearances; a lot of deaths. You know this place is the Bermuda Triangle of Southern America!? Ever hear of a guy called Ian James, or Carter LaRoche....or an Alec Holland?”
Will was silent for a moment as he did his damnedest to stay looking calm and cheerful. It wasn’t easy.
“Yes. Yes. No....at least I don’t think so. Was he guy who died about 12 or 13 years ago? Some lab accident? Maybe not?” Will gave a disinterested shrug.
“15 years ago. Yes, that was him. His body was never found, was it?”
“Before my time here. I only got in from Philly five years ago.” Will said casually; “But it doesn’t sound odd to me. If there’s a body lying around, gators are bound to have got to it. Wouldn’t leave a trace. Hmmm....’Louisiana Triangle’?....I gotta admit, it’s kinda catchy. Maybe I ought to add that angle to the tours. Make a fortune....right?” Mulder just smiled and nodded. He started to open his mouth again, but Will decided to head him off at the pass, coming to the conclusion that the man couldn’t ask any more irritating questions if he wasn’t allowed to speak. “Made any progress with these things that have been going on?” He asked pleasantly.
“A couple of theories. Just following up a few hunches for now.” Mulder said. “Are there any local stories of creatures in the area?” He got in quickly before Will could do anything.
“Sure. All swamps have their weird stories.” Will said confidently; “And Houma’s no exception. Just stories though. You really think that’s got something to do with the explosions?” he countered the question with a question. Mulder shook his head.
“Just looking into a few other things while I’m here.” He said. He began to open his mouth again.
“Look, why don’t we go on that nice tour of the area that you want? But I’ll tell you for nothing that you’re not going to find anything causing these problems here in the swamp;” He gave an impish smile; “Just mosquitoes, snakes, gators and swamp gas!”
“Story of my life.” Muttered Mulder. He seemed to consider for a moment.
“Let’s leave the tour for now, Will. Best get back into town and see what Scully’s got.”
“Great idea.” Will said with utmost enthusiasm, ushering the man from the house and towards his jeep. “In fact, why don’t I give you a ride into town?” He decided that coping with a few questions was preferable to having this man looking round the area.
“You don’t want to get some clothes on?.....not that they’re unpleasant on the eyes.” Mulder’s gaze drifted back to the shorts.
“Sure I’d love to get some clothes on....” Will stated; “...but that would mean going back into the house.” They both looked at the shattered Silver Reed on the ground behind them. Mulder just nodded with calm understanding as he got into the jeep. Will started the engine and they drove off.
“Say, Will....where did you get them from, anyway?”


As the jeep headed off out of sight, Alec watched them from the bushes with concern spreading across his face.
“This is going to be a problem.” He muttered in a less than optimistic tone. He just had that feeling that went right to the core of his mesophyll, and made his sap run cold.


Inside the house, Tressa was oblivious to all of this. She had stopped holding her head and was wiping the tears from her eyes. She was still in shock, but was slowly coming round. She began to remember events. Something had possessed her to write that horror story. It was like she was doing everything, but had no control of her own body. She remembered some advert for it on the Internet. She wasn’t even ON the Internet for Chrissakes! How could she have remembered that? And why the hell was she writing about Alec? She’d never have done that in a million years!
She looked down at her hands. The fingers were callused and blistered from the heavy typing she’d been doing. The speeds she’d achieved shouldn’t have been possible. The story had flowed. Oh, It was poetry....It was grotesque, yet tragic...hypnotic. It was Keats, and Poe and Dunsany and Bronte and Shelly and...and...well, it was perfect: Quite the most flawless piece of literature she had ever seen. She couldn’t have written that, could she? Then there was that...that...typo! One little typo; the only one in the entire piece...but what rage it summoned in her! That this little piece of imperfection had forced it’s way onto HER work...her dream...her Geas! And that was when the papers all burst into flame and the table had exploded. The typewriter was hurled God knows where; and the manuscript gone. Gone, like ashes in the wind. Even now the memory of it was fading. One thing was for certain, she’d never be able to write like that again.
She finally stopped shaking and pulled herself together. “Just calm down!” She told herself firmly. “Everything’s fine.” She took the CD-R out of her pocket to make sure it was still all right. It was. She smiled a little smile. “Just you and me again.” She said wistfully to it, as though it could hear, before pocketing it again. She took a deep breath and decided to venture downstairs to find the typewriter. The world suddenly seemed strangely calmer.


“I was only joking, Graham.” Stella said with concern.
“I’m not!” Graham said with some determination as he threw the underwear into a metal waste bin and began pouring lighter fuel on them.
“They’re not that bad, really.....actually, they’re pretty cute.” She managed a small smile despite her worried expression. Graham looked up at her.
“You...you think they’re MINE, don’t you?” He said, with an unusually defensive tone of voice.
“You said they were a fashion.....” She looked confused.
“I was joking, Stella.” He sneered, in a tone of voice unusually harsh for him where she was concerned. “They’re a proven hazard. I’m just disposing of them. That’s all.” His intonation was now back to casual indignation. “They exploded on Will Kipp.”
Stella’s eyes widened in shock and she began to regard Graham oddly. Graham noticed and looked suddenly embarassed.
“No! No, THESE weren’t HIS. Same type though.”
“But.....” she paused as Graham reached into his lab coat and pulled out a matchbox from his trouser pocket. Taking out one of the matches from it, he struck the thing and tossed it spitefully into the bin. There was a brief flare and flames licked up around the metal, causing a burst of intense heat. They both stepped back. Stella couldn’t help giving the smoke detectors a brief but concerned glance.
“Why are you burning them.....and what were you doing with them anyway?” She inquired mildly as she regained her original train of thought. Graham seemed to be struggling to think for a moment.
“I...I found them on one of the mutants, Stella, OK?” he snapped in a accusatory tone. She still looked perplexed. “It must have found them out in the swamp; or got them off somebody. Who knows? Who cares? I can’t have Dr. Arcane’s mutants threatened by volatile Taiwanese merchandise. I’m burning them BEFORE they explode. Making them safe. If there’s going to be a fire, I’ll choose when, where and how!” He stated indignantly, then gave a satisfied look as the fire began to burn down, leaving just the blackened and charred remains. “See? A nice, small, safe, controlled fire....and, Stella, I thought I told you to wake Dr. Arcane. You’re wasting time.”
As she headed off to the elevator she could have sworn she saw Graham give a slight facial twitch. He certainly was looking rather tense to say the least. Poor Graham, she thought. He really didn’t react well to pressure, poor man....but then it had been a very trying day.


“Well, here we are!” Will said pleasantly as he stopped the jeep by the hospital entrance. Mulder thanked him as he got out.
“You know where I can find a Dr. Hollister in this place?”
“Could be anywhere. He’s usually out doing house calls and arranged marriages, but try asking at reception. If he isn’t there, Dr. Thomas will probably be able to help.” Will gave a parting smile and drove off; finally allowing himself a well deserved sigh of relief before speeding back to find Alec.
Mulder paused briefly on his way into the hospital. Arranged marriages?? He thought, a perplexed look crossing his face for a second. He was beginning to wonder if he was the only sane person in this town!


“This had better be bloody good, Graham!!” Arcane snarled as he strode out of the elevator, in his haste almost shoving his way through the doors before they’d opened fully. It was a toss up between them as to who looked the more agitated. Graham had seen the Doctor in some pretty foul moods before, and while this probably wasn’t the worst, it was still up there with the really good ones.
“Didn’t Stella...well... explain?” Graham said falteringly.
“Stella just woke me up on the sodding intercom to say YOU wanted to speak to me!” The Doctor was just standing now, arms folded and glaring at Graham. He was looking haggard to say the least, and didn’t appear to be wearing much other than a robe. His expression was fixed in a permanent scowl and his only movement a tiny tapping of his fingers on his forearm.


Elsewhere in the complex, Stella was busily feeding and calming down a restless group of mutants that had been scared by a small fire that had broken out previously.
“It’s all right, babies.” She purred, stroking a large scaly one on the head. “Everything’s OK now.” She put a small piece of chocolate into the hand of one of the more agitated ones: A tiny, wiry little thing with rodent-like features. “There you go, Ratboy. You like that, don’t you?” She wondered briefly what Arcane and Graham would be talking about right now. No fool I ! She grinned to herself.

“Well!?” Arcane growled. “I’m waiting.....and what’s that burning smell? What else has happened??”
“Nothing to worry about, Doctor. It was just a minor fire. It’s all sorted out.” He said nervously, sneakily sliding the waste bin under a bench with his foot.
“Then what did you bloody well wake me for!!?” Arcane’s voice rose to an irate crescendo.
“Not the fire, Sir. The FBI lady. She’s at the hospital. She’s been snooping around and she’s found something I knew you’d want to know about.” Arcane’s frown lessened somewhat, although not disappearing entirely. He seemed calmer.
“How d’you find out?” Arcane quizzed him. Graham smiled a little. It was a chance to show his initiative and defuse the Doctor’s mood.
“Fontaine, in the path lab. She came to him from Dr. Thomas. She had something she wanted to check out. Anyway, she’s been working with him and he thought you’d want to know.” Arcane nodded.
“Good....Very good.” Graham tried to made his sigh of relief barely audible. “Well?....What is she looking into then, Man?” Arcane snapped impatiently. This was the bit Graham wasn’t looking forward to: The crunch that could decide Arcane’s mood. He went over to the other end of the lab; to a group of test tube samples and a microscope.
“He described what she brought in. It could only be one thing, Doctor.” He pointed to the rack of tubes, where one was missing.
“What the...!?” Arcane gasped. “How the hell could she have.....”
“She couldn’t, Sir. She was with us all the time.”
“She didn’t even suspect a thing. She was here about the incidents....and my genius, of course!”
“But HE wasn’t, Doctor....and he was looking round an awful lot?” Arcane frowned. “And he was out of sight for a short while?” Graham added. He tensed inside. This was the crunch. Would Arcane blame him in general; blame him for not keeping an eye of the FBI man; or praise him for his initiative? No matter how much he could usually know and predict Arcane, these situations were always wild cards. Graham loathed uncertainly with a vengeance. Arcane wandered over to the rack of tubes and looked for the missing one. He appeared contemplative.
“Not good.....not good at all.” He muttered; “But it could have been worse. She’s bound to have some idea about what it is, at least in vague terms, but she’s unlikely to deduce the implications.”
“Then there’s still time to get to her first to ‘help’ her?” Graham added with a smile.
“Exactly, Graham!” He put his arm round the man, to Graham’s utmost relief. “I think a visit to the hospital is in order, don’t you, Graham?” he asked rhetorically.
“Yes, Doctor Arcane.”
“Graham. Graham, I think I ought to be spending a little more time getting to know Agent Scully....Dana.” He smiled; “After all, with such important work that she’s doing, she’s going to need all the guidance she can get from the world’s leading expert.”
“Absolutely, Sir! Will we be going immediately?”
“No. I’LL be going immediately. You can stay here and attend to things.”
“You, you won’t be wanting me with you there, Doctor?” Graham’s face dropped noticeably.
“Why the hell would I want you with me, Graham? I need to get close to the woman!” Graham silently bit his lip.
“I...I just thought.....”
“Try not to do that too often, Graham. It’s not one of your more promising attributes. Now get my clothes ready, then bring my car round to the front; and try to make it quick.” Arcane noticed that look developing on Graham’s face. With a weary sigh, his voice lost the caustic aspect to it. “In any case, Graham, I’ll need you here where you can be far more useful to me.” He said, patting the man on the shoulder gently. Graham’s face lightened a touch. “My clothes Graham? I will need my clothes.” He gently reminded the assistant.
“Your jeans and the leather jacket, Doctor?”
“Er, no, Graham. I think perhaps the blue silk Armani, with a black shirt...and with the silver and black brooch. I think that would be more appropriate for Dana, don’t you?.....Oh and I think the Porsche today.”
“Yes, Doctor Arcane. The blue suit looks real great on you.....well...at least I’m sure that FBI woman will think so.” There might just have been the merest hint of venom in Graham’s tone of voice towards the end of his sentence.
“And see that Dr. Fontaine gets his usual fee, with an added bonus. And while I’m gone, do some digging into agents Mulder and Scully. I want dirt, Graham. Deep and interesting dirt. Dirt I can use.” Arcane winced at little. “Oh, and Graham? Get me some bloody Tylenol while you’re at it!”


“I’m looking for Dr. Hollister!” Mulder reiterated calmly for the third time. The receptionist looked at him in a friendly manner as she neatened the mound of papers on her desk. The phone rang.
“I’m sorry, Mr....er....”
“Mulder.”
“Mr. Mulder. I’ll be with you in a minute. Things are rather chaotic at the moment, I do apologise.....Houma General Hospital, can I help you?.....Yes.....No.....Well you could try putting a cold compress on it, Sir....Yes, you could try accidents and emergency, but I have to warn you that they’re very busy at the moment and it could take a long time to see you.... I’m sorry about that......I’m sorry, all the ambulances are either in use or are out of action. Can you drive?.....You can. That’s good.......But you can’t sit down......oh.......Well maybe someone can bring you in?.....Yes, that would be fine, but you’ll have a long wait. I do apologise......Oh! Oh I see.....well, under the circumstances and since it’s you, I suppose we could see you early then, Sir......Yes, I can assure you that it will be treated with the utmost confidentiality. Goodbye, Sir.” She looked up at Mulder again. “You were saying, Mr. Mulder?”
“Dr. Hollister?”
“Let me see.” She looked through a large diary for a few minutes.
“I’ll be getting a coffee and some sleep. Wake me when you know where he is.” Muttered Mulder. He went over to a machine and put some quarters into it. He spent a moment checking the choices, before making his selection. A moment later he picked up a steaming plastic cup and put it to his lips. He grimaced upon tasting it, then looked at it quizzically. “Chicken Soup!?” He went over to the receptionist and showed her the cup. She shrugged.
“It’s always like that.” She said helpfully.
“With sugar?”
“Hmmm, it has been behaving oddly this morning.” Just then there was violent shaking coming from the machine, followed by a deafening booming sound as the front of the machine fell off, and water, plastic cups and powdered beverages were hurled for a radius of about 50’. Mulder ducked reflexively, but still got spattered by a very generous helping of powdered cocoa and water. It dripped slowly down his face, coat and shirt.
“Guess I’ll stick to tea next time.” He gave a forced quip.
“Oh dear.” The receptionist said casually, dialling numbers on her phone. “Is that maintenance? Reception here. Yes, we’ve had another one go. Thanks. Bye.” She turned back to Mulder. “Dr. Hollister’s on call at the moment, but Dr. Thomas is in. Shall I page her for you?”
“No. I’ll just stand here and contact her by telepathy.”
The receptionist smiled and reached for the phone again to page Dr. Thomas.
“Have you seen a red headed woman? Dark suit. She was also looking for Dr. Hollister.” Mulder enquired on the offchance.
“Oh, the FBI lady! Why didn’t you say so? She’s in pathology with Dr. Fontaine.” Mulder just gave a forced smile.
“Thanks, you’ve been helpful.” He set off.


Will brought the jeep to a screeching halt outside the house.
“Alec! Alec!!” He called.
“I’m here, Will.” Alec stepped out from a tree.
“There’s trouble Alec. There’s an FBI guy who.....”
“Yes, I know.”
“You saw?”
“Everything.” Alec muttered.
“We’ve got to do something about him.”
“It won’t be easy. I can’t deal with him in the same way as Arcane and other menaces to the swamp. This man is basically good.”
“The guy’s a fruit loop, Alec!”
“Perhaps, but he’s with the government, and his intentions are to help; not to cause harm. I can’t justify causing him harm just to save my secret.”
“He’s after Arcane too, you know. I got that out of him in the car. Well, not the details, but he thinks he’s onto something, & he doesn’t look like the type to let things go.”
“Then it’s even worse than I thought. If he finds out about Arcane, he finds out about me.
“Well Arcane’s also hardly the type to sit around doing nothing to stop that, is he?”
“I’m surprised at you, Will.” Alec lectured sternly. “Arcane’s methods are likely to hurt this man, at the very least.”
“Well I’m sorry, Alec, but I don’t know this Mulder guy, and maybe I don’t wish him any harm, but my friends come first; and I don’t want you becoming the target of every tabloid journalist, tourist and hunter in the world.”
“There has to be another way, Will. Look, I’m certain I can keep him from me, but you must at least try to keep an eye on what Arcane is doing. There may be no cause for concern, but if he looks like he’s going to harm Mulder, *I* want to know about it.”
“Well what do you want me to do? Go up and ask him!?”
“Just stay a safe distance away, but keep a close eye on Arcane and keep me informed on what’s happening. Don’t try to interfere or you could be hurt. If Mulder is in danger, let me know.”

Just then, Tressa came out of the house, still looking shaken, but calm now. Will stiffened in preparation, but she seemed benign enough for now.
“Will? Alec?” She just said.
“Look, Tressa, about earlier.....” Will started to explain.
“I’m sorry about that, Will. I don’t know what’s been coming over me lately. I’ve been feeling strange for a while. Look, I know it wasn’t your fault, OK? I’m sorry.” Will and Alec just stared at each other.
“Don’t say anything, Alec. Let’s just make the most of it while it lasts.” Will whispered. “Look, Tressa. I have to go back into town now. Something’s come up and it’s important. I’ll try & get you some eggs and a shirt, OK? Alec’ll stay and keep you company, won’t you, Alec?” Tressa just nodded. Alec stared at Will in surprise and more than a little fear and anger; then grudgingly nodded too. Will grinned at him.
“Turnabout is fair play!” He grinned cruelly at Alec before disappearing into the house, grabbing a new pair of jeans and heading out to the jeep.


“What happened?” Mulder asked Scully, after eventually locating her in the basement. It had taken him nearly half an hour of wandering around asking department after department for where Pathology was. The place was chaotic at the moment, badly signposted, and nobody seemed to have the time of day for anyone.
“I could ask the same of you, Mulder.” She said evenly, with an accusatory, but warm smile as she regarded the congealed chocolate stains covering him from head to foot. “Drink problem?” She grinned.
“One day at a time, Scully.” He retorted; “Anyway, what happened? We got cut off. A dropped signal...or another phenomenon?” Scully simply held up a shattered and fused piece of black plastic that might have resembled a cell phone in a previous life.
“Still think it’s an explosive device of some sort?” His tone of voice implied some forthcoming vindication.
“No, Mulder. This wasn’t a device.” She said. “It’s been in my pocket all the time. I can’t explain it....at least not yet. Put it down to another phenomenon to add to the list, I guess.”
“You said you’d found something important. About said phenomena?”
“I don’t think so, but it is remarkable nonetheless. That sample you took from Dr. Arcane’s laboratory. It’s amazing. I’ve never seen anything like it before.....”
“...And nor are you likely to again, my dear!” Came a familiar voice from behind them. They turned to see Dr. Arcane, hands in pockets, sauntering into the laboratory. “Quite simply, a product of my genius.” He turned to Mulder. “Stealing secrets, Agent Mulder?”
“Got any worth stealing, Mr. Arcane?”
“Only to my competitors, Mr. Mulder.”
“And just who would your competitors be, Mr. Arcane?”
“I’m a businessman, Mr. Mulder; You’re an FBI agent. I’m sure even you can work it out.”
“I’d appreciate you telling me anyway, Mr. Arcane. Humour me.”
“I’m doing my level best, trust me!....But, for the record, just rival scientists and the companies who employ them, and other lesser intellects; and that’s DOCTOR Arcane.”
“Well, since I’m not a rival scientist, or at least I wasn’t last time I looked, I guess it’s all right for you to tell me what’s in the tube then.”
“I doubt that a mind such as yours would be able to grasp it’s complexity and the totality of it’s brilliance, Mr. Mulder.”
“Try me anyway. I love a challenge.....and that’s AGENT Mulder....SPECIAL agent Mulder.”
“I apologise for our unorthodox methods, Dr. Arcane.” Scully interjected with an embarrassed look on her face, temporarily diffusing the situation.
“There’s nothing to apologise for, dear lady. You were just doing your job. I realise that; But it’s just a shame that you felt that you couldn’t come to me with any reservations. We could have cleared all this up so simply. We have absolutely nothing to hide at Arcane Industries....well, at least not from our government friends, that is.”
“Please excuse me for a moment, Dr. Arcane. I have something to attend to. I’ll be back in a minute or two.” Scully seemed to remember something and went to the far end of the laboratory where she began separating a green liquid that had been heating up into several phials. Mulder moved a little closer to Arcane.
“You got here awfully quick, DOCTOR.” Mulder said with a suspicious smile.
“Not at all, SPECIAL AGENT Mulder. I was at the hospital anyway. Lucky coincidence, isn’t it?”
“Isn’t it just?”
“I found out you were here quite by chance when I arrived. I always make it a point to visit the children’s ward every week or so. Do my humble part for the little ones, so to speak. So many orphans here. It’s quite tragic. I find good homes for a lot of them, you know! Many of them make new and happy lives abroad. I even used to adopt some of them myself.”
“Who’d have realised that your busy schedule would allow you to be such a devoted humanitarian, Doctor?” Mulder commented with more than a hint of sarcasm.
“I don’t make a habit of publicising my magnanimity, Mr. Mulder.” Arcane just smiled pleasantly.
“And you’re clearly a man of many hidden talents, Dr. Arcane.” Mulder gave a roguish grin, with a mere hint of seriousness in his tone.
“No hidden secrets of your own, Mr. Mulder? I find that hard to believe. Why, any man with the courage to wear drinking chocolate in public must have an interesting story, eh?” Arcane sneered as he surveyed Mulder.
“Well, I just kind of got the hunch you’d find your way here; and I knew someone of your obvious taste would appreciate my making a suitable effort to dress appropriately for the occasion.”
Arcane’s smiled broadened, although now developing a slightly forced and bitter aspect to it.
“Duly noted and appreciated, Mr. Mulder; and the next time I feel a pressing need to find a local branch of ‘Trench Coats R Us’, I’ll be certain to ask your advice.”
“Anytime. I’ll be sure to tell you exactly where to go. And while we’re on the subject of advice and favours, I seem to have misplaced this month’s issue of ‘International Male’. Any chance of borrowing yours?” Arcane finally let the smile drop. He moved in close to Mulder.
“Exactly what is your problem with me, agent Mulder?” He hissed. “I do believe that I’m the wronged party here, am I not? You did help yourself to my property: A sample vital to one of my most important projects.....a perfectly legal sample having no connection to your investigation, I might add. I don’t recall either permission asked or a warrant shown. How would your superiors react to your methods, Agent Mulder?”
“Like I said earlier, Dr. Arcane. There’s a few things I want to look into while I’m here. Let’s just say that I get the feeling you’re eminently qualified to help me solve a few loose ends.”
“Naturally, I’ll do my best to help you in your current investigation; but take my advice and don’t waste your time following up every little distracting tabloid sensationalism.”
“And there’s an awful lot of those, aren’t there? And it is my time to waste.”
“Then take another piece of advice, Agent Mulder. Do be careful.”
“That wouldn’t be a threat would it, Dr. Arcane?”
Arcane visibly relaxed. A broad and friendly smile crossed his face. “Of course not.” He laughed gently; “I don’t make threats, Agent Mulder. You really ought to be a little less paranoid. Consider it a well intentioned and friendly warning. Houma can be a dangerous place to those who don’t know it very well. As you pointed out, a lot of people have had accidents here. It would be quite tragic if you were to become one of them, wouldn’t it?”
“Guess I’ll just have to take extra care then. I appreciate the advice, Doctor. I.....” His voice trailed off into silence as they both heard footsteps approaching. Scully had returned.
“Sorry about that, Doctor.” She said, handing him a phial of the liquid. “You’d better have that back now.”
“Feel free to keep it, my dear. I have more of it back at my lab. I’d just appreciate it’s details remaining confidential.”
“I’m not entirely sure what it’s details are.” She smiled.
“Then you must allow me to enlighten you.....say over dinner?”
Scully seemed to contemplate for a moment, then looked at Arcane. She nodded pleasantly.
“Yes. That would be fine. There are a few things I’d like very much to discuss.”
“Splendid! And do call me Anton. ‘Doctor’ sounds so terribly formal, doesn’t it?”
“Can we have a word?” Mulder interjected quietly, indicating that he wanted an aside with Scully. Arcane watched with a smile. Scully looked at Mulder, then at Arcane.
“Take as long as you want, Dana. I’ll wait outside, shall I?” Arcane said softly, and made to leave the laboratory. Mulder raised his eyebrows, shook his head and smiled as he watched Arcane go.
“Dana?” He mused, both to himself and to Scully. “That didn’t take him long, did it?”
“You’re overreacting, Mulder. It’s just a discussion I’m having with him.”
“Over dinner.”
“Yes. Over dinner. I don’t see anything odd with that, do you?”
“Not a date then?” He goaded affectionately. “You know what he’s after. You said it yourself. Still, at least it’s not ‘Anton’ yet.”
“Contrary to popular belief, Mulder, I have a life. So his methods are a little....obvious. I’d say it’s nothing more than a harmless game to him...an act....and hardly a crime.”
“A game, perhaps....but harmless?......Hmmm.”
“People act all the time, Mulder. Sooner or later, when he’s more comfortable, he’ll let the act go and I’ll see the real Anton Arcane.”
“That, Scully, should be a real eye opener.” Mulder commented caustically.
“Mulder, if you suspect him of anything I’d appreciate you letting me in on it. Right now I’m concerned with these phenomena; and whatever else, Arcane has one of the finest scientific minds in the world, and some of the best research facilities. He’s our best bet for solving these problems. I also want to know more about that formula you took; and since he intends telling me.....”
“What he intends telling you is only what he wants you to know.”
“That is likely; but it’s more information than we have at the moment, and I’m pretty certain that I could easily ascertain if he is lying about anything or not; and if we want his assistance, going round insulting him isn’t likely to get us very far.”
“I get to play vinegar and you get to play honey? Come on, Scully. Look at the man. There was less oil on the Exxon Valdez than in just one of those smiles. He probably keeps Houma’s hairdressers in permanent employment; and if posing were an Olympic sport, he wouldn’t have enough room in that complex of his to house all the gold medals! And I’m betting he’s at ground zero for a lot of things round here; which accounts for about 10 per cent of our filing cabinet!”
“Finished, Mulder? Maybe he is, or maybe not; but I don’t believe he’s anything to do with what’s happening now, which is why we’re here. Do you have any actual evidence that he’s involved with something else?”
“Too many things started happening around here AFTER he came to the area. Just a hunch.”
“Well, in that case we’d best send him to the electric chair right now. I can’t argue with the solid damning evidence of one
of your hunches, Mulder.” She gave a little smile.
“You don’t find his hostility suspicious?”
“His hostility, Mulder, has been aimed solely at you. And I don’t find it suspicious considering that having your research taken could be construed as grounds for provocation. I’m not condemning your actions, Mulder; I’m just saying that it explains Arcane’s behaviour towards you.”
“You like him, don’t you?” Mulder asked with a grin.
Scully thought about it for a moment and just gave a neutral shrug. “How would I know? I barely know the man.”
“But you want to get to know him? Well, you do seem to be defending him.”
Scully shook her head firmly. “What I’m defending, Mulder, is the focus of our investigation here; something you seem to have forgotten for the most part. Whatever happened to ‘Open yourself to extreme possibilities’? Back off from him, Mulder and let me handle it my way. We’re far more likely to make progress, at least where Arcane’s concerned. Besides, yes, I do want to get to know the man. I’ll admit that I’m curious.”
“Curious?”
“I read several medical papers of his a while ago. I’ve been following his work on and off. His theories are remarkable in the extreme. His methods are unorthodox and he has an unparalleled reputation in the scientific community. I can’t say that I’m entirely impressed with the man so far, but I’ll freely admit that I’m looking forward to any chance to discuss his work. To be honest, I’ve wanted to meet him for a while now....As I’d be interested in meeting any scientist of that calibre” She added quickly.
“Professional curiosity, Scully? Not turning into a fan by any chance?” Mulder smirked.
“Just professional curiosity. Even if it weren’t, Mulder, that’s nobody’s business but my own.” Her voice betrayed no anger whatsoever, but was nonetheless firm. He shrugged his shoulders and nodded.
“A lounge lizard with a brain is still a lounge lizard. Just be careful, OK?” He said gently. She nodded and smiled.
“I can take care of myself....but thanks. I’ll be careful.”
“I’ll check us into a hotel while you’re....er...continuing the investigation. The Houma Inn’s the nearest, I think. I might go back out to the boat rental place if I get time after I’ve had a word with the police around here. I’ll pick up another phone for you as well.”
“Thanks, Mulder. I’ll see you later then.” She smiled
“Better not keep ‘Anton’ waiting then, had we?”

“Sorry to keep you waiting, Doctor.” Scully greeted Arcane outside.
“Think nothing of it, Dana. Shall we go?”
She nodded. “Where did you have in mind.”
“Well, under less primitive circumstances, for such delightful company I’d have settled for no less than a candlelit table for two at Hugo’s....the finest Oysters, Chateaubriande....and with a delightful vintage Rothschild....” Scully looked more than a little self conscious. Mulder looked like he was about to vomit. “.....Of course, as you well know, there aren’t any restaurants open in town today, so I’m afraid the hospital canteen is about the best I can offer.” He smiled warmly at her.
“Well, you’d best show me this canteen then, hadn’t you?” She replied, smiling warmly herself. As they made to leave, Mulder took Arcane by the arm, gently, but firmly holding him back.
“There’s just one other thing I’d like to ask you, Doctor.” Mulder looked at Scully, putting his hands up in a gesture of innocence, and smiled. “There’s nothing wrong, Scully. It won’t take a minute. Just something I forgot.” There were a few moments of just silence.
“I’ll have a slow walk on ahead. Catch up when you’ve finished.” She said evenly. The two men watched her go.
“You don’t give up, do you Agent Mulder?” Arcane’s frustration was beginning to show through the veneer.
“I guess that reputation of yours for genius isn’t entirely unfounded then.” Mulder smiled.
“What do you want?” Were Arcane’s only words.
“I’ve worked with Agent Scully for some time now; and I’ve grown very fond of her. She’s like a sister to me....” He looked downwards, as if saddened and brooding for a moment; before looking back up and staring Arcane straight in the eyes; “....And I really wouldn’t want to see anything happen to her.”
“And you think that I’d.....”
“.....I’m not thinking anything in particular, Dr. Arcane. I’m just saying that it wouldn’t be a good idea to do anything that would hurt her.”
“Is that a threat, Mr. Mulder?”
Mulder gave a cold smile. “Of course not, Doctor. I don’t make threats. Just consider it a well intentioned and friendly warning.”

-8- (JJ and Ponce)

Mulder walked down the street, sillhoetted against the light of the full moon. Arcane watched as Mulder walked away.
“*Good riddance,*” he spat, muttering aloud, "Nosy, prying wretched little -- Oh, hello Dana," he finished with a smile as the special agent walked up to him.
"Is everything all right?" she asked. "You two were talking for fifteen minutes."
"Yes, yes, of course," he said with a smile, taking her arm, gentleman-like. "Let's go in, shall we?"
Scully smiled slightly, amused, and humoring him, took his arm as they walked back toward the hospital. At least he had manners -- most of the guys she had dated turned out to have some kind of homicidal tendencies or some psychosis or schizophrenia-inducing tattoos or -- and why was she thinking about guys she had *dated*? She wasn't dating Arcane. This wasn't a date. This was just a scientific discussion. Over dinner. Alone. Yeah!
Well, as alone as one could be with nurses, doctors, and the myriad maimed citizens of Houma limping through the canteen. The number of people severely injured from the explosions had skyrocketed. The ER was packed, and people were being carted into the canteen.
"Maybe we should just get something from one of the machines and go," Scully suggested. Arcane nodded almost distractedly, seeming temporarily fascinated with the surrounding bloodshed, agony and carnage. He slipped a quarter into the machine. Funny, it was a good thing they were close to the only working one; all the other machines were taped over with big, hastily drawn-up "DO NOT USE!!!" signs. It was cheap Scotch tape that wouldn't hold up for thirty minutes, and he didn't understand-- It was then that Dr. Arcane realized his error. He looked down to the "DO NOT USE!!!" sign at his feet.
There was a faint rumbling.
"Take cover!!" Scully screamed, as medical attendants dove out of the way while she and Arcane, closest to the machine, were hurled against the opposite wall by the force of the blast. Chunky chicken soup sprayed everywhere.
"Someone get these patients out of here!!" an orderly commanded before being hit squarely in the forehead with a matzoh ball. Scully looked over at Arcane concernedly.
"Are you all right?" He was ghostly pale and trembling. Arcane nodded with a pained swallow and shuddered.
"I... had a bad experience with chicken soup as a child." He shot her a quick glance. "I don't want to talk about it."
"All right." She helped him up and they limped out of the canteen, directionless and dazed, and accidentally burst into an exam room. The person on the exam bed/table stared up at the doctor in shock.
"Arcane?!"
Arcane choked. "Sheriff Andrews?!" Scully was paralyzed, transfixed with pure, steely horror. Cold sweat dripped from between her shoulder blades and down her back. This... this was Monstrosity. She was a pathologist; she worked on the X-Files, for Christ's
sakes! She had seen things more gruesome and bizarre than most interns at Rush Limbaugh's HQ. But this made her blood run cold. She felt her gorge begin to rise, and the soft strains of incoherent, comforting music rose to her lips uncontrollably.
"Oh solo mio, lalala la la..." Scully was numb. She barely felt it as Arcane put his hands on her shoulders and guided her gently out of the hospital.
"Away," he soothed. "Away from this place of horrors." He himself seemed very shaken. The special agent regained her composure quickly.
"I'm sorry about... that," she said, trying valliantly to hide her embarrassment.
"Think nothing of it," Arcane assured. "I've heard plenty of Italian music in my day, and I promise it doesn't bother me." He was lying through his teeth. She was the worst singer he had ever heard, and he had heard some lousy singers; his mind immediately flitted away from last New Year's Eve, when Graham over-did it with the champagne and then started tuning his kazoo. Arcane shuddered. He had enough wretched mental images to last himself a lifetime, he was sure of it. Scully squinted out into the night.
"I thought that all the restaurants were closed." She was gesturing to a tiny coffee shop a little ways down the street. Technically, it was. But so many people with exploded car batteries were ducking into any place they could find, tricking themselves into thinking it was a respite from the explosions, and the restaurant owners couldn't resist business, so the whole point was rather moot. The two walked in. After what they had just been through, it couldn't hurt. Arcane took a frazzled waitress aside, as Scully looked around clinically out of force of habit. The place was absolutely packed.
"A lonely table, if you can manage it," Arcane hissed. "You know what I mean."
"For your date, Mister?" the waitress said a little too loudly, snapping her gum. "Sure, we got a nice table in the back."
"Somewhat romantic, I'm hoping?" he prompted, adding in a lower mutter to himself, "Or is that too much to ask?" Most likely, with the day he was having. The waitress popped a large pink Bubble Yum-ish bubble.
"We got a table near the kitchen where you can smell the fish, if that's whatcha mean. Floor's a little greasy today, though, ya know, 'cause of all the explosions, 'specially when Toby--"
Arcane stopped her with a hand, shuddering. He really didn't want to know.
"Yes, wonderful, that would be fine. Lead on." The waitress did so, and Arcane and Scully seated themselves, Scully sitting with her back to the window and the doctor sitting opposite her. At least they would be having dinner after all. She resisted the urge to put her forehead in her hands as he ordered the wine. *For someone so secretive, he's awfully transparent,* she thought to herself. The waitress placed the pathetic, smouldering remains of an incense candle on the table to assist the mood.
"It's scented," she whispered loudly to Arcane. Arcane choked. So did Scully.
"I can see that," he coughed. "Could you get it out of here?" But the waitress was gone. He grimaced. *Memo to myself:
Have waitress fired.* Scully steepled her fingers, still preoccupied enough with the strange events in the country to be able to block out the smell of that horrid candle.
"So, Doctor, when did these... occurances... start happening?" She was studiously staying on topic. She did *not* want to talk about the recent events at the hospital. At *all*.
"This morning, if I'm not mistaken," he replied helpfully with one of his patented smiles, tacitly agreeing with her look to eschew talk of their recent experience at the canteen. "But, if we may, I'd rather hear a little bit more about you." Before she could even roll her eyes, he added, his face taking on that innocent-as-a-newborn-puppy look, "I mean, for all I know, you could be a cleverly disguised assassin, stalking me down."
*Hmmmmmm...* "Do you have many enemies, Doctor?"
"Don't we all?" He smiled again. "No doubt a withered, cryptic old man in an immaculately pressed suit is leaning against the wall, stalking us both while smoking a cigarette."
Scully tried not to flinch. She turned the subject quickly.
"I thought this conversation was going to be all business, Doctor." The wine came, and Arcane poured it graciously.
"Well, all work and no play makes Jack a dull--" He stopped, staring out the window past her, shock slowly stealing over his facial features.
Scully didn't get it. "Boy?" she prompted. Arcane shook his head, and coughed.
"Excuse me," he muttered hurriedly. Scully's eyes followed him on the way out.
"What an odd man," she murmured.

Arcane stormed up to the place outside the window where he had been staring, seething mad.
"Well, if it isn't the Houma Voyeur," he sneered, his teeth starting to set in a growl. "Holland!! What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?! Don't you have anything better to do than spy on me while I'm engaged in dinner conversation with a beautiful woman?!" Alec Holland had just broken away from Tressa. As soon as she got that look in her eyes again, he hightailed it outta there like nobody's business.
"I was *not* spying," Alec stated indignantly, feeling frumpled. "I was observing, and it would do you good to notice the difference. I'm unwilling to let any further innocents be harmed by you, Arcane, especially with the occurances that have taken place recently."
"Well, then you should have observed that I wasn't *doing* anything. Go spy on someone else dangerous!!"
"I was *NOT* spying," Alec repeated, rumbling.
"Yes, you were."
"I was not spying on you, Arcane."
Arcane wrung his hands. "You were standing completely upright in bushes half your size with your nose pressed up to the glass!!!" Alec flushed a brilliant green.
"Uh... I was not."
Before further bickering could commence, there was the bright white flash of an explosion and the ground opened up between them.
Alec pushed himself up wearily, brushing the pebbles off of him. Arcane was behaving similarly, albeit with lots of swearing, and gratuitous use of the word "bloody", "dammit" and (occasionally) "frickafrack". Dammit. How come whenever he got trapped in a cave and/or pit-like underground dwelling, it had to be with Arcane? No, of *course* he could never be trapped in a pit with Dr. Fisk, oh, no sirree Bob. Of course not. No, it had to be Arcane. *Always* with Arcane. He just couldn't stand it.
They both just sat there in silence for a little while, sulking like surly children, until Arcane broke the quiet. As *usual*. Alec sure wasn't surprised in the least. The doctor was fidgeting and playing with his sleeve cuff. Now that his date had been broken twice and his mood ruined, it was straight business.
"You know Alec... if this situation plays out similarily to the last time this happened to us... we may not have any means of getting food." He fidgeted even more, and then looked up. "So... if it comes down to one of us eating the other to survive..."
Alec blinked at that. "*What*?"
"You know, it will be me eating you, right? Because, you see, my intellect allows me to contribute so very much more to humanity, it would be the more prudent choice to keep me alive."
"*What*?!?!!"
"And well, you see, after a short while, the hallucinations that will ensue from hunger will probably drive each of us to gobble the other down eventually. I mean, you may start looking like a rather large steak after a few hours."
"*WHAT*?!!!"
"Fine then, a salad."
Alec harrumphed. "That isn't what I meant, Arcane. You're talking insanity. That isn't going to happen... to either of us. There will be no eating of one another. We are both still exposed to sunlight within this pit. When the sun rises tomorrow, I will be able to gain energy and get us out of here. Neither of us are going to hallucinate. It is *not going to happen.*"

It was five hours later and Arcane was gazing at Alec longingly.
"What a lovely roast beef," he sighed aloud. "And all for me? Why thank you. How gracious."
Alec awoke to Arcane gnawing on his arm. He shoved him away roughly.
"What the-- Get off me!!"
Arcane giggled. "Why, you're a frisky roast beef, aren't you?" He lunged forward again like a ravenous Doberman Pinscer. Alec scuttled backwards and resisted the urge to kill him. "Get *away* from me, Arcane." Arcane laughed again, his eyes wild.
"Don't try to fool me, you naughty roast beef! You forgot that you're dealing with Anton Arcane! You can't hide from me! I'll get you yet!" He pulled out a spork.
Okay, it was time to stop this NOW.
"Stop it, Arcane! Get a hold of yourself." He smacked the doctor upside the head. Ohhhh, but that felt good. He'd been wanting to do that for the longest time. Arcane shook himself out and dropped the spork. He looked at himself, Holland, and then back at himself, shuddering.
"My God. I can't believe I was about to willingly touch you with my teeth."
Alec smacked him again. Arcane glared. "HOLLAND! I'm *better* now."
"Sorry," Alec mumbled, not meaning a word of it. Arcane growled. Graham bungled breakfast, he slept through lunch, and now this. Not even a measly dinner. Well, this just spanked the monkey, now didn't it? He ran a hand through his hair. He wasn't going to last 'till six AM, and who *knew* what would happen to his Eggs Benedict by the time he got home? He turned to Alec.
"All right, Holland. How about I stand on your shoulders, and we'll see if I can get to the top of this pit." He didn't add anything about getting Alec out, of course. If Arcane could get himself out and then leave Holland in the pit to rot all night, well, that was an added bonus.
"The pit is too big," Alec negated. "What you say is impossible."
"Well thank you very much, Mister Gloom and Doom," Arcane retorted. "At least I'm suggesting an idea."
Alec conceded, grudgingly so.
"Fine."
There was a few minutes of undignified jostling and clambering until Arcane finally stood shakily on Alec's shoulders.
"Dammit Holland, can't you stand any steadier than this?" he hissed, trying to find some sort of handhold in the wall of dirt.
"No," Alec grumbled. "For being so skinny, you weigh an awful lot," he couldn't help but add, groaning as he was under the weight.
*Memo to myself: Poke Holland with spork.* "You're no swamp flower yourself," the doctor retorted, still straining to reach the edge of the pit.
"Can you reach the edge?" Arcane tried, pulling himself up as much as he could and squinting. An excited cry reached Alec.
"Yes! YES! Ha ha! I've reached the edge! I've almost got it! I--"
There was a muffled cry and a terrible CRASH. Three figures lay stacked on top of each other like pancakes in an unmannerly heap. "Graham, you have five seconds to make this very, very good," Arcane snarled. The lab assistant would have fidgeted and shifted his weight uncomfortably from one foot to another, but in this position, it really was impossible.
"Well, Dr. Arcane, I had this bad feeling, and I was worried that maybe something bad happened to you, and then there was another explosion outside, so I went to find you, and..." He shrugged his shoulders helplessly. "Well?"
"Graham, you blithering --OOFF!!!"
"OW!" Graham yelled.
"My spine," Alec moaned.
Scully was *not* having fun. "I assume this is the result of another explosion?" she asked after overcoming the shock of falling down a huge hole. She should never have gone looking for Arcane, but her curiosity and partial concern had overtaken her.
"Unhhhhh," Alec replied, which meant "Yes". He suddenly felt yet another pressure against his spine.
So *this* is where you are, Alec," Tressa sighed, having just become the fifth person in the stack. "I was looking everywhere for you and Will, I had to tell you both something important --" She suddenly heard footsteps near the top of the pit and strained her neck around painfully. "Will?! WILL!!!!"
Will looked up. "Huh?" However his feet kept going and he slipped.
"Will!"
"Ow!"
"AUGH!"
"...Mumsey..."
“Uggghhnnnnn."
Will blinked and opened his eyes, smiling cheerfully. "Well, good thing all these people were here to cushion my fall!" He peeked down to the bottom of the pile. "Alec, is that you?"
"Will?"
"Yeah?"
"Shut up."


To be continued.....

go to pt. 2

return to fanfic page

return to main page