Some Quotes From The Series
THE EMERALD HEART, THE DEATH OF DR. ARCANE, LEGEND OF THE SWAMP MAIDEN, THE SHIPMENT, DARK SIDE OF THE MIRROR, TOUCH OF DEATH, TREMORS OF THE HEART, PROMETHEUS PARABOLA, SONATA, REVELATIONS, MIRADOR'S BRAIN, JUDGEMENT DAY, HIDE IN THE NIGHT, LESSER OF TWO EVILS, A MOST BITTER PILL, ROMANCING ARCANE, THAT'S A WRAP
ARCANE (from ‘The Emerald Heart’)
(Proudly showing his latest lover, Heather Jo, his cave for the first time)
"Do you know why I’m showing you my cave?"
HEATHER JO
"Because you’re a kicked out loony toon?"ARCANE (from 'The Emerald Heart')
(To Tressa, as he proffers a bunch of flowers to her)
"Well, take them before I start sneezing.....I have some very amusing allergies!"HEATHER JO (from 'The Emerald Heart')
(upon seeing Arcane's cave for the first time)
"What a dump!!"ARCANE (from 'The Emerald Heart')
(teasing his mutant failures, showing them to Heather Jo)
"I call this one.....I've forgotten. What do I call you??"ARCANE (from 'The Emerald Heart')
"Imagine what I could accomplish if I'd used all my talents for the good of all mankind!?"
HEATHER JO
"Looks to me like you do this just for fun!"ARCANE (from 'The Emerald Heart")
(To Humphrey, seconds before shooting the man cold-bloodedly in the back of the head)
"You've outlived your uselessness."CORONER'S ASSISTANT (from "Death of Dr. Arcane")
(to the Coroner, who's been called out at 01.00 am to look at Dr. Arcane's corpse)
"Aren’t you going to take a look at him?”
CORONER
“I couldn’t look at him when he was alive!”ARCANE (from "Death of Dr. Arcane")
(in the morgue, talking to Alec, who's just brought him back to life and about to show him where Jim is)
"I don't much like being dead! ......And this place is depressing!....Follow me, you pile of moss!"
OBOE (from "Legend of the Swamp Maiden")
(to Jim, when describing looking for the Swamp Maiden)
“Could be one of the biggest nights of your life!”
JIM
“That wouldn’t be hard considering my age!”(Sheriff Andrews is just discussing what he and Arcane should do about Jim (from ‘The Shipment’)
ARCANE
(In an uncharacteristically gentle and sentimental tone of voice)
"No! I’m not going to mutate him.....Nor am I going to kill him."
ANDREWS
"Well then, what are you going to do....adopt him?"WILL (from ‘The Shipment’)
(having just seen Alec for the very first time)
"I thought the bugs were ugly! "ALEC (from ‘the Shipment’)
(to Will, who he’s just knocked to the floor and disarmed)
"Are you all right?"
WILL
"I don’t know. I mean I’m standing here talking to a giant plant. Does that sound like I’m all right?"
ALEC
"Depends what you’re usually like "ALEC (from ‘The Shipment’)
"Jim called me a monster??"
WILL
"Haven’t you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?"
ALEC
"Jim didn’t tell me you were such a wiseguy."
WILL
"Well, I guess he left out all the good stuff!"ARCANE (from 'Dark Side of the Mirror')
(Turning to his girlfriend as they stand outside a Houma restaurant where they've both witnessed his mutant viciously murdering the district attorney at his orders; police and ambulances everywhere and an embittered posse being formed. All in all, a very dramatic situation)
"Fancy a bit of cheesecake?"GRAHAM (from 'Touch of Death')
(after returning to the grave and discovering that MacCyrus has been brought back to life after all and that the experiment was a success: A phenomenal leap in Arcane’s research!)
"Lucky I came back for my shovel."
ARCANE
"Shut up, Graham!....You have the perspicacity of a boiled potato!"SENTRY HUNTER (from 'Touch of Death')
(attacking Will)
"Don't you know it's dangerous in the Swamp at night?"
ALEC
(Grabbing the hunter from behind & saving Will)
"Dangerous......and unpredictable."ARCANE (from 'Touch of Death')
(Gasping at Alec to himself; after losing his balance after being held over an acid pit by Alec and nearly falling in after being let go. He just manages to grab a railing and pull himself to safety)
"He has no sense of humour whatsoever!"ARCANE (from 'Tremors of the Heart')
(he's just been slapped in the face after throwing a tantrum at Sienna, his co-worker)
"I apologise, madam. I stand rebuked."
SIENNA
"Well don't stand rebuked. Stand about three feet to the left and hand me the Infra Red Beta Driver!"SIENNA (from 'Tremors of the Heart')
(after being ogled lecherously by Arcane as she's bending over a console)
"You didn't hire me or my staff for our collective beauty, Doctor. We are engineers....not concubines!"SIENNA (from 'Tremors of the Heart')
(Angry after getting very little help from Arcane on their project)
"Am I here to help build a machine to shake the earth....or a damned hotplate to warm your muffins!?"ARCANE (from 'Tremors of the Heart')
(Ogling Sienna walking out of the room)
"Nice buns!.......What are you looking at!?" (Looking suddenly embarrassed at Graham, who's staring at Sienna and him)SIENNA (from 'Tremors of the Heart')
"Arcane, darling....let's make the earth move again."ARCANE (from 'Tremors of the Heart')
(To Alec, who's just entered his room where Arcane is holding Sienna's lifeless body)
"Don't you ever knock!!?"GENERAL SUNDERLAND (from 'Tremors of the Heart'
(After hearing a problem at the complex during a conversation about his latest super weapon)
"Doctor, is there a problem?"
ARCANE
(unfairly blaming everything on Graham)
"Yes, General, there is. I have in my employ a first class twit with a second class education, who can't seem to walk in a straight line without falling over the furniture!"ALEC (from 'Prometheus Parabola')
(In a *very* weary voice, on seeing Arcane helplessly drowning and crying for help, then pulling the man to safety)
"Urrrr.....I'll probably regret this!"ARCANE: (from 'Prometheus Parabola')
(on hearing Graham's grimly delivered report on some tainted water at his industrial complex)
"Don't be an idiot, Graham. Bottle it and sell it as next year's Beaujolais!.....It's a joke....heh....joking Graham?" (As Graham nods absently at the previous statement)ARCANE (from 'Sonata')
(after spying on Ann Fisk and Alec together after she's tried to trick him)
"That lying, conniving, manipulative TART! She doesn't care about cell mutation or rejuvenation: She just wants to turn that asparagus sprig back into a man: And she wants me to help her do it! Bloody nerve!! I can't believe I didn't see through her plan......It's just like something I'd do."DONELLY (from 'Revelations')
(On radio to his men)
"Tracking system's reset on target. South 190 degrees. close in for the kill!"
ARCANE
"Close in for the kill.....I do love happy endings!"DONELLY (from 'Revelations')
"By the way, how come your Doctor's skitted out on us and left you?"
GRAHAM
"Dr. Arcane had business to attend to. Besides, he doesn't like hanging around the swamp any more than he has to."
DONELLY
"Afraid the humidity would wilt his hair?"TRESSA (from 'Revelations')
"I know that all these years this poor deformed man has been protecting me and the rest of the people in Houma from you and your madness!!"
ARCANE
"A little over dramatic; but yes....I think you've basically grasped the idea."TRESSA (from 'Revelations')
"Go to hell, Arcane!!"
ARCANE
"Later....I'm very busy at the moment."GRAHAM (from 'Revelations')
Well, Mrs. Kipp. You've stumbled into something that you have no control over. As Dr. Arcane would say; "you've stumbled into the last act of a Wagnerian opera; and nothing you do will change the ending." The fat lady, as they say, will still sing!"GRAHAM (from 'Revelations')
(There's machine gun fire everywhere, the swamp is kicking up a fuss, gators are attacking, and Swampy's pissed as hell and about to charge them)
"I'm heading to the car!"
DONELLY
"Well I'm not going to fail my mission. I never have. What would your beloved Doctor say to that?"
GRAHAM
"Dr. Arcane would say "Get used to failure, Colonel. It's not too sweet....but it's survivable!""ARCANE (from 'Mirador's Brain')
(Upon receiving the brain of his late great mentor, Carl Mirador)
"Look at it. Ten billion nerve cells comprising the supreme triumph of Man's evolution....The Human Brain!"
GRAHAM
"It's....er...very nice, Sir."DANA MIRADOR (from 'Mirador's Brain')
(Enquiring about Arcane when Will's warned her not to trust him)
"Why don't you like him?"
WILL
"That's a long story. Let's just say that we don't exchange Christmas cards."ARCANE (from 'Judgement Day')
(after Alec's approached him, telling him he wants something from him)
"Oh, let me guess: My looks, my intelligence, my savoire faire; the list goes on...."STELLA (from 'Hide in the Night')
(describing Arcane's apparent demise in the lab explosion)
"Boom. Splat....Splat....Anton Wallpaper!"ARCANE (from 'Lesser of Two Evils')
(Describing Carla Jeffries to Graham, who thinks Alec will stop her)
"She defeated me. She'll take care of the jolly green giant no trouble!"ARCANE (from 'Lesser of Two Evils')
(A drunken Arcane is now depressed and homeless, living on charity, when he's approached by Alec)
"Well, Holland. I was wondering when you'd finally show up to gloat over my demise."
ALEC
"I get no pleasure from other people's suffering....even yours."
ARCANE
"Oh...really? Well, you missed out. It's one of the ten best things to do in Houma!"GRAHAM (from 'Lesser of Two Evils')
(Showing his new friend, Debbie through Arcane's old cave and torture chamber. Corpses are chained up in the background and unspeakable instruments of pain are all over)
"It's just that seeing all this brings back such wonderful memories. This is where he liked to relax." (Climbing onto a rack)GRAHAM (from 'Lesser of Two Evils')
"You're not thinking what I'm thinking?" (Climbing onto a rack and allowing himself to be strapped in, while laughing lecherously at Debbie)
DEBBIE
"I doubt it!"CARLA (from 'Lesser of Two Evils')
"I'll have everything I want....Immortality!"
GRAHAM
(Indicating Alec, who's held prisoner)
"Even if it means looking like him?"
CARLA
"Even if it means looking like you!"ARCANE (from 'Lesser of Two Evils')
(chained up to a wall when Debbie and two female assistants come to take him away)
"Hello, Ladies. What? All three of you? I don't know if I can manage it....But I'll give it a damned good try!"ALEC (from 'A Most Bitter Pill')
(In a doom laden tone of voice to Arcane)
"We're going to die!"
ARCANE
"Huh! This can't be it! The end of an era. The end of all that is exceptional and special in the world....The end of ME!!"ALEC (from 'A Most Bitter Pill')
Arcane....Leave this place!"
ARCANE
"Haven't you got anything better to do than follow me around?"ARCANE (from 'A Most Bitter Pill')
(rambling on in his monologue about himself to the comatose Alec, thinking that he'd have made a fine actor)
"Course I excel at everything that I do; but the dramatic arts hold a special lure for me: And I'm not talking about film or television....There's certainly no art to be found there!"ARCANE (from 'A Most Bitter Pill')
(to an almost comatose Alec)
"If people knew.... how difficult....How incredibly taxing being me is; I doubt if they'd be as envious as they are!"ARCANE (from 'A Most Bitter Pill')
(Talking to Alec's recently deceased corpse)
"You know I've been called a madman, Holland? How absurd!"ARCANE (from 'A Most Bitter Pill')
(Talking to an imaginary God, trying to deduce whether he exists or not; explaining rationally all the supposed miracles of nature)
"Got you there, didn't I?.....You forgot you weren't dealing with any ordinary man. You're dealing with ANTON ARCANE! And I grant you that I am pretty bloody amazing. Mere chance could never account for my astonishing presence on the earth; so, therefore, I suppose you must exist!"ALEC (from 'A Most Bitter Pill')
(The danger's over, and Alec and Arcane are free again, after some serious groveling and promises on Arcane's part)
"You said a lot of thinks in your final moments, Arcane. Do you remember the promises you made if your life was spared?"
(Arcane remembers his groveling and looks acutely embarrassed)
"The Swamp heard you.....AND SO DID I."
(Arcane looks even more embarrassed, having thought Alec was dead at the time)
ARCANE
(Thinking for a moment and his look of embarrassment turning to a smug grin)
"Oh don't be absurd, Holland. You can't take the ramblings of an incoherent man seriously. You should know that by now!" (Patting Alec gently on the chest before leaving him)AN UNNAMED ILLUSORY PRIEST LOOKING LIKE ARCANE (from 'A Most Bitter Pill')
(Standing over a gravestone bearing the inscription "Anton Arcane: nobody cared", at which Arcane is kneeling in shock)
"We are gathered here to pay tribute to a truly great man. Anton Arcane was a genius of legendary proportion....Or so he claimed. A person who will be revered and remembered for all his wonderful contributions to the human experience. What are they? Well I don't know.....I'm just a paid employee here!"ALEC (from 'Romancing Arcane')
(after a plea from Arcane not to destroy the last of his emeralds because they are all he has left)
"You still have your vanity, your greed, and your distorted view of the world....Shall I go on?"
ARCANE
"No, that sums it up."ARCANE (from 'That's a Wrap')
(getting livid with the pretentious actor who's playing him)
"I don't speak with an authentic German accent.....BECAUSE I'M NOT A BLOODY GERMAN!!!......And where's his hair??"