Doctor Jokes Page

Jokes last updated on 04 October, 1998 21:28 GMT Daylight Time

• A 90 year old man goes to the doctor and tells him that
  he is going to get married to a 17 year old girl.
  The doctor said he hoped they would be very happy
  but warned him that the excitement might be fatal.
  Well replied the old man, "If she dies, she dies."
  (Doctor Booth, England)

A 90 year old man goes to see doctor before getting
married to an 18 year old girl.
Doctor, mindful that the man will not be able to
"satisfy" his new bride, wished him well and suggests
he take in a lodger
The old man visits doctor a few months later and doctor
asks about the young wife
"Oh," she's pregnant" he replies
"And what about the lodger?" asks the doctor
"She's pregnant as well" says the 90 year old man
(Doctor Booth, England)

An man goes to the doctor to get a check up and his wife goes with him.
The doctor says o.k. Mr.Wells, I need a urine sample, a stool sample,
and a sperm sample from you, and so he turns to his wife and says,
"What did he say, honey?"
She says, "He said he needs to see your underwear!!!!"

• A young  woman, visiting her doctor, said "There's something wrong, my
  entire body hurts!", "What do you mean?" asked the doctor.
  The woman touched her right knee with her finger and said, "That hurts!"
  She touched her left cheek and said, "That  hurts, too!" She touched her chest
  and said, "Even that hurts!"
  The doctor sighed, and ask the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?"
  "Why, yes!" she said. "I thought so," replied the doctor. "I think you've sprained your finger."

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how
he was feeling.   "I've never been better!" he boasted.  "I've got an eighteen
year old bride who's pregnant and having my child!  What do you think about
that?" The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a
story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter.  He never missed a season.  But one
day he went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella
instead of his gun."   The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and
suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him!  He raised up his umbrella,
pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle."  "And do you know what
happened?" the doctor queried.   Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No".  The
doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"  "That's
impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor.

• A gynecologist was getting tired of his job and decided to switch careers. He'd always enjoyed tinkering with engines, so  he enrolled in a school for car mechanics. When the class ended the students were given their final exam: strip a car engine completely and reassemble it in perfect working order. The gynecologist did his best - and was amazed to find he scored        150%.  "How could that be?" he asked. "Well," said the instructor, "I gave you 50% for taking the engine apart. Next, I gave you 50% for reassembling it - a fantastic job, really. And then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the exhaust pipe."

A woman decides to get artificially inseminated. She goes into
the doctor's office, and he starts taking off his clothes.
"What are you doing?," she says. The doctor answers, "I'm all
out of that bottled stuff, so you're gonna have to settle for
draft."

• An old couple go to the doctor for their yearly physicals. One
  at a time, the doctor brings them into the examination room,
  starting with the husband. "Well, Mr. Smith, you're in great
  shape for a man your age," says the doctor.
  The man replies, "Well doc, I don't drink, I don't smoke, and
  the good Lord looks out for me."
  "What do you mean?" asks the doctor.
  The old man says, "For instance, last night in the middle of
  the night, I had to get up to go to the bathroom -- and the
  good Lord turned on the light for me so I wouldn't fall down."
  "That's nice," said the doctor, confused. "Please send your wife in now."
  The wife comes in and the doctor says, "Mrs. Smith, you're in
  great shape for a woman your age."
  She then says, "Well, doc, I don't drink, I don't smoke...."
  The doctor interrupts, "And the good Lord looks after you, right?"
  The woman is confused and says, "What are you talking about?"
  The doctor explains, "Your husband was just telling me the same thing.
  He said that the good Lord looks after him. Like last
  night when he had to go to the bathroom, the good Lord turned
  the light on for him."
  "Damn!" she yelled. "So he's peeing in the refrigerator again!"

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