Work Jokes

Work Jokes Page

Jokes last updated on 31 May, 1998 20:30 GMT Daylight Time

MURPHY'S LAWS ON WORK
- A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.
- Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
- The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
- You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
- When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking
about themselves.
- If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn
fool about it.
- Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would
be so many.
- Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
- Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed
to be doing.
- Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
- You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
- If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
- No one gets sick on Wednesdays.
- Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day.
Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid doing altogether.
Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.
Young at Heart. Slightly Older in Other Places.
It is much easier to apologize than to ask permission.
Do unto others, then run.....................

3 guys go to a job interview. The interviewer doesn't have any ears..
The first guy goes into the office for his interview.
The man says to him, "The job that you're applying for requires powers
of observation. Make one observation about me."
So the guy says, "You ain't got no ears !" "Get out !!!" screams the interviewer.
So, the next guy gets up and goes in.
The interviewer says to the guy, "The job that you're applying for
requires powers of observation. Make one observation about me."
The guy says "You got no ears."
"Get out !!!" screams the interviewer again.
Then the third guy gets up to go in for his interview. The first
2 guys are out there and they tell him, "the guy that's giving the
interview doesn't have any ears and he's kind of touchy about it".
"Thanks for the tip" says the third guy.
So, he goes in for the interview and again the man says, "The job
that you're applying for requires powers of observation. Make one
observation about me."
So the guy stares at him for a while and finally he says "You wear
contact lenses."
The interviewer is impressed and says, "Excellent observation.
Tell me, how could you tell ?".
So the guy says, "Well, you couldn't wear glasses....you got no bloody ears !!!"

News Headline

Tokyo.Jan 27th (Bloomberg) -

After the infamous Origami Bank folded yesterday, it has emerged that Origami's
parent company Sumo Bank has gone belly up, and that Bonsai Bank is planning to
cut back its branches. This comes after Monday's nosedive in Kamikazi Bank's
share price, and the price of Khazi Bank's stock went down the pan. Rumours
have continued about Tenko Bank after the staff were locked in last night, and
officials have confirmed that staff at Karate Bank have got the chop. At Sushi
bank things are looking a bit fishy and staff are expected to get a raw deal.
However, none of the above are expected to do as badly as the staff at Geisha
Bank. Apparently, they all got screwed.

"Two systems analysts were standing in the park. One had a new bike.
The other said, "Nice bike. How much?"
The first said , "It was free."
The other asked, "Wow, how did you get it for free?"
The one with the bike said,
"Yesterday a beautiful girl rode up on this bike, took off all her
clothes and told me I could have anything I wanted."
The other systems analyst said,
"Good move! Her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway".

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