Sporty Jokes Page

Jokes last updated on 08 March, 1999 11:41 GMT Standard Time

• 3 guys go to a ski lodge.  When they get there, they find out that there is only 1 room left.  So they take it, and soon after go to sleep.  The thing is, they all have to sleep in the same bed.  In the middle of the night, the guy on the left wakes up and says, "I just had the strangest dream that I was getting a hand job."  Then the guy on the right wakes up and says the same thing.  Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I had a dream that I was skiing"
  ( Josh Hucul, Michigan, USA)

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf  course, lined
with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said,
"Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball...don't knock out any
windows.  It'll cost us a fortune to fix."
The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the
biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, "I told you
to watch out for the houses! Alright, let's go up there, apologize and
see how much this is going to cost."
They walked up, knocked on the   door, and heard a voice say,
"Come on  in." They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken
bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said, "Are
you the people that broke my window?"
"Uh, yeah. Sorry about that." the husband replied.
"No, actually I want to thank you...I'm a genie that was trapped for a
thousand years in that bottle. You've   released me. I'm allowed to grant
three wishes...I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one
for myself.", "OK, great!" the husband said. "I want a million dollars a year for the
rest of my life.", "No problem...it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the
genie said, looking at the wife. "I want a house in every country of the world," she said.
"Consider it done." the genie replied. "And what's your wish, genie?", the husband said.
"Well,   since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a
woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife."
The husband looks at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of money
and all those houses, honey. I guess I don't care."
The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours.
After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and  said,
"How   old is your husband, anyway?", "35." she  replied.
"And  he still believes in genies...that's  amazing."

• Jeb was an avid golfer his entire life. As he got into his sixties, his eyes started to fail him.
  He didn't want to give the game up, so he went to see the family eye doctor.
  The doctor said there wasn't much he could do, but he knew of a 97 year old man
  who still had perfect sight, could see like an eagle. The doctor gave Jeb the old man's
  name and suggested that Jeb could use him to watch where he hit his golf ball.
  Jeb, of course, didn't believe the doctor. The old guy was almost a century old,
  but could see like an eagle !? Well Jeb made arrangements to bring Wilbur golfing.
  On the first tee, Jeb drove his ball about 200 yards, but of course,
  he couldn't see where it went. He asks Wilbur, "Did you see my shot?"
  To which Wilbur replied, "Sure did."
  Jeb asked, "Where did it go?",
  Wilbur replied, "I forget!"

• I have had 10 boxing matches and never lost one, didn't turn up to seven and chickened out of three.

When I was a boxer I got hit so hard I had to pay to get back in.

• When I was a boxer I got knocked down so many times I had a cauliflower arse.

When I was a boxer I got hit with so many lefts I used to beg for a right.

• When I was a boxer they used to call me Picasso because I spent so much
  time on the canvas.

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