Disgust at bad shootout turnout

BY Features Editor LEE ANARI

Ziggy Teflon, proprietor of the sector famous Ziggy Teflon's Sugar and Spice chain, expressed his anger recently over this year's poor entries into the Ziggy Teflon Fastdraw Championships. The competition, which involves gunmen from all over the sector pulling stun-charged weapons on one another in a bid to win the fifty thousand first prize, suffered greatly this year with only forty-two recorded entries. The competition, which has been known to pull in competitors by the hundreds, has never seen such a poor record in its eight years of existence.

"I expected the numbers to fluctuate but I never expected this," said an enraged Mister Teflon at the shootout venue. "I've had complaints about the five thousand entry fee but I think that's cheap considering it's a privately run competition."

The issue was raised as to whether the competitors who are expected to enter the championship have been injured in more violent shootouts throughout the sector.

"That's possible," commented Mister Teflon, "but I would have thought they'd jump at the chance to shoot one another and have the chance of walking away.

Luckily for Mister Teflon, Jabba the Hutt's generous offer of loaning out two of his finest dancing girls seemed to placate the crowd somewhat, although reports of fights among the crowd to get closer to the two women are unsubstantiated.

This is the most recent tragedy to hit the event since the death of Frondike 'the eyes' Murty in last years competition where the unfortunate competitor was killed by a live weapon that had somehow slipped into the venue. An investigation did not turn up anything conclusive and the death was put down to misadventure.