THE GREAT STAR WARS QUESTIONNAIRE

 

By JONATHAN HICKS

 

So, you think you’re a true Star Wars fan, do you? Well, answer the questions below, add up your score and then check the chart at the bottom.

 

Question 1 - How often do you watch the Star Wars films?

 

A) Every now and then, when I’m in the mood for it.

B) Maybe once or twice a week.

C) Continuously. I wake up at 5:00 am every morning and watch a film before I go to work, and when at home I leave it on in the background on a perpetually looped tape.

 

Question 2 - Do you own many Star Wars products?

 

A) Not really. I’ve got a couple of the books and the movies.

B) I have quite a few of the collectibles but nothing over the top.

C) I have set aside three rooms in my next house for my collection.

 

Question 3 - Do you know any quotes from the Star Wars films?

 

A) One or two. ‘Look sir, droids’ and ‘I have a bad feeling about this.’

B) I have the scripts and I know some of the more dramatic scenes.

C) I am an expert at watching the films and talking over or second-guessing the very next line. In fact, I was asked to leave the theatre during the Special Editions.

 

Question 4 - Do you have any autographs from Star Wars stars?

 

A) No. I’ve been to a couple of conventions and seen them but I never got any signatures.

B) Yes, I have a couple from some of the co-stars.

C) My collection is now complete now that I have the autograph of the second assistant to the make-up artist from Return of the Jedi, after three years of pestering, calling and knocking on the door. My case comes up on Thursday.

 

Question 5 - How have the Star Wars films inspired you?

 

A) I like them but I don’t think they’ve had that much of an effect on my life.

B) I love the creativity behind them and it’s inspired me to do things of my own.

C) I am a Jedi Knight.

 

Question 6 - What do you do other than follow the Star Wars films?

 

A) I take care of my family and work for a living.

B) I like most forms of sci-fi and fantasy.

C) I’m sorry, I don’t understand the question.

 

Question 7 - If you could change one thing in the Star Wars movies what would it be?

 

A) Nothing, really, they’re okay as they are.

B) There’s a couple of plot points that might have been interesting to explore.

C) Change it? Why would I wish to commit such sacrilege? What George has created is pure genius and to deviate from his creation would be blasphemous!

 

Question 8 - Jar Jar Binks - Hero or Zero?

 

A) Zero. I didn’t like him that much.

B) He’s not that bad, really.

C) Even though he’s annoying, sounds ridiculous, looks like a dumb newt, makes no considerable impact on the story and is downright stupid, he’s one of the best Star Wars characters George has ever devised.

 

Question 9 - Do you think that George Lucas is a creative genius or just a very shrewd businessman?

 

A) Well, he was probably creative at first but now it’s mostly business, I guess.

B) I think he has a vision of what he wants, and there’s nothing wrong with making a bit of money out of it, is there?

C) George Lucas creating these things just to make money? How ludicrous! Just because he filled his recent movies with dozens of characters and incidents superfluous to the story and then made action figures out of them because he has major shares in some of the houses responsible for the production of merchandise does not make him shrewd! He is a creative genius!

 

Question 10 - Do you think that the magic of the Star Wars movies will pass on from generation to generation?

 

A) If my kids like it that’d be fine, but if they don’t go for it’s not the end of the world, is it?

B) I’ll let my kids know about it - I am a big fan after all.

C) I intend to pass my knowledge on to my sons Luke, Han and Jabba.

 

Question 11 - What are your favourite sequences in the Star Wars films?

 

A) The space battles are pretty cool.

B) The scenes between the Jedi are well written, especially those between Vader and Luke.

C) From the opening titles to the end credits.

 

Question 12 - Would you like to be an extra in a Star Wars film?

 

A) Yes, but the chances of that are pretty slim, aren’t they?

B) Of course. It would be nice to think that I was somewhere on the screen, and to see how the films are made.

C) My psychiatrist says it would not be a good idea.

 

Question 13 - Do you think there is any rivalry between Star Wars and Star Trek fans?

 

A) No, I don’t think so.

B) There is a little but its all good natured.

C) Do not mention those words in my presence.

 

Question 14 - What is your most prized possession in your Star Wars collection?

 

A) There isn’t one, really, but I’m pleased with my videos.

B) My Limited Edition video box set.

C) No-one may enter my spare room without first passing through a laser detection net and motion sensor system. I have only one set of keys and they are on my person at all times.

 

Question 15 - Do you think you’ll ever get tired of Star Wars?

 

A) Maybe one day but I’ll hang onto my movies.

B) It will always have a special place in my heart but there are bound to be things more important in my life.

C) When I die I want to be burnt on my barbecue surrounded by my friends. If things go according to plan, I should disappear. Failing that, I have already started construction on a tomb shaped like Darth Vader’s head in which I and my collection will be buried.

 

 

 

Your Answers -

 

Mostly ‘A’ - You’re not that over-enthusiastic about Star Wars, are you? If the films ceased to exist you probably wouldn’t notice. What are you doing reading this anyway, you faker?

 

Mostly ‘B’ - Talk about sitting on the fence. You either love it or hate it, make up your mind. What, are you afraid of being branded as ‘sad’? Pick a side, you moron.

 

Mostly ‘C’ - You need help. Go to www.worldclasspsychiatrist.com to read about your condition.

 

Thanks for taking the Star Wars Questionnaire.