| Scene 12 OLD MAN: Heh, hee ha ha hee hee! Hee hee hee ha ha ha... MACE: And this enchanter of whom you speak, he has seen
the Holocron? OLD MAN: ...Ha ha ha ha!
Heh, hee ha ha hee! Ha hee ha! Ha ha ha ha... MACE: Where does he live?
OLD MAN: ...Heh heh heh heh... MACE: Old man, where does he live? OLD MAN: ...Hee ha ha ha.
He knows of a cave, a cave which no man has entered. MACE: And the Holocron.
The Holocron is there? OLD MAN: There is much danger, for beyond the cave lies the
Gorge of Eternal Peril, which no man has ever crossed. MACE: But the Holocron!
Where is the Holocron?! OLD MAN: Seek you the Bridge of Death. MACE: The Bridge of Death, which leads to the Holocron? OLD MAN: Heh, hee hee hee hee! Ha ha ha ha ha!
Hee ha ha... Scene 13 [spooky music] [music stops] HEAD KNIGHT OF
NI: Ni! KNIGHTS OF NI: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! MACE: Who are you? HEAD KNIGHT: We are the Knights Who Say... 'Ni'! RANDOM: Ni! MACE: No! Not
the Knights Who Say 'Ni'! HEAD KNIGHT: The same! LOBOT: Who are they? HEAD KNIGHT: We are the keepers of the sacred words: 'Ni',
'Peng', and 'Neee-wom'! RANDOM: Neee-wom! MACE: Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale. HEAD KNIGHT: The Knights Who Say 'Ni' demand a sacrifice. MACE: Knights of Ni, we are but simple travellers who
seek the enchanter who lives beyond these woods. HEAD KNIGHT: Ni! KNIGHTS OF NI: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!... MACE: Ow! Ow! Ow! Agh! HEAD KNIGHT: We shall say 'ni' again to you if you do not
appease us. MACE: Well, what is it you want? HEAD KNIGHT: We want... a Mynock! [dramatic chord] MACE: A what? KNIGHTS OF NI: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! MACE and PARTY: Ow! Oh! MACE: Please! Please! No more! We
will find you a Mynock. HEAD KNIGHT: You must return here with a Mynock, or else, you
will never pass through this wood... alive. MACE: O Knights of Ni, you are just and fair, and we
will return with a Mynock. HEAD KNIGHT: One that looks nice. MACE: Of course. HEAD KNIGHT: And not too expensive. MACE: Yes. HEAD KNIGHT: Now... go! Cartoon [trumpets] CARTOON
CHARACTER: Hmm hmm-- [boom] Oh!
Great Heep! Hm. Hmm. [boom] Hm!
Hmm. [mumble mumble mumble] [boom] [mumble mumble mumble] [boom] [mumble mumble mumble] [boom] [mumble mumble mumble] [boom] [mumble mumble mumble] [boom] [mumble mumble mumble] [boom] [mumble mumble mumble] [boom] [mumble mumble mumble] [boom] Ohh! [crash] [mumble mumble mumble] [boom] SUN: Ay, up! Thsss. [boom] Ayy, up! [boom] Thsss. [boom] Ayy, up! CARTOON
CHARACTER: Stop that! Stop that! [boom] SUN: Ay, up! CARTOON
CHARACTER: Stop that! [boom] Look on! Clear off! Go
on! Go away!
Go away! Go away! And you! Clear
off! [sniff] SUN: [mumble mumble mumble] [bells] CARTOON
CHARACTER: Hah. Bloody weather. Scene 14 NARRATOR: The Tale of Sir Bib Fortuna. BOSS NASS: One day, lad, all this will be yours! CAPTAIN
TARPALS: What, the curtains? BOSS NASS: No. Not
the curtains, lad. All that you can see,
stretched out over the hills and valleys of this land!
This'll be your Kingdom, lad. CAPTAIN
TARPALS: But Mother-- BOSS NASS: Father, lad.
Father. CAPTAIN
TARPALS: B-- b—but Father, I don't want
any of that. BOSS NASS: Listen, lad.
I built this Kingdom up from nothing. When
I started here, all there was was swamp. Other
Kings said I was daft to build a fortress on a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to
show 'em. It sank into the swamp. So, I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So, I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the
swamp, but the fourth one... stayed up! And
that's what you're gonna get, lad: the strongest fortress on the planet. CAPTAIN
TARPALS: But I don't want any of that. I'd rather-- BOSS NASS: Rather what?! CAPTAIN
TARPALS: I'd rather... [music] ...just... sing! BOSS NASS: Stop that! Stop
that! You're not going into a song while I'm
here. Now listen, lad. In twenty minutes, you're getting married to a
girl whose Father owns the biggest tracts of open swamp in Naboo. CAPTAIN
TARPALS: B-- but I don't want land. BOSS NASS: Listen, Alice,-- CAPTAIN
TARPALS: Tarpals. BOSS NASS: 'Erbert. We
live in a bloody swamp. We need all the land
we can get. CAPTAIN
TARPALS: But-- but I don't like her. BOSS NASS: Don't like her?!
What's wrong with her?! She's
beautiful. She's rich. She's got huge... tracts o' land! CAPTAIN
TARPALS: I know, but I want the-- the girl
that I marry to have... [music] ...a certain,... special... something! BOSS NASS: Cut that out!
Cut that out! Look, you're marrying
Princess Leia, so you'd better get used to the idea! [smack] Guards!
Make sure the Captain doesn't leave this room until I come and get him. GUARD #1: Not to leave the room even if you come and get
him. GUARD #2: Hic! BOSS NASS: No, no. Until
I come and get him. GUARD #1: Until you come and get him, we're not to enter the
room. BOSS NASS: No, no. No. You stay in the room and make sure he doesn't
leave. GUARD #1: And you'll come and get him. GUARD #2: Hic! BOSS NASS: Right. GUARD #1: We don't need to do anything apart from just stop
him entering the room. BOSS NASS: No, no. Leaving
the room. GUARD #1: Leaving the room.
Yes. [sniff] BOSS NASS: All right? GUARD #1: Right. GUARD #2: Hic! BOSS NASS: Right. GUARD #1: Oh, if-- if-- if, uhh-- if-- if-- w-- ehh-- i--
if-- if we-- BOSS NASS: Yes? What
is it? GUARD #1: Oh, i-- if-- i-- oh-- BOSS NASS: Look, it's quite simple. GUARD #1: Uh... BOSS NASS: You just stay here and make sure 'e doesn't leave
the room. All right? GUARD #2: Hic! BOSS NASS: Right. GUARD #1: Oh, I remember.
Uhh, can he leave the room with us? BOSS NASS: N-- no, no. No. You just keep him in here and make sure he-- GUARD #1: Oh, yes. We'll
keep him in here, obviously, but if he had to leave and we were with him-- BOSS NASS: No, no, no, no.
Just keep him in here-- GUARD #1: Until you or anyone else-- BOSS NASS: No, not anyone else. Just me. GUARD #1: Just you. GUARD #2: Hic! BOSS NASS: Get back. GUARD #1: Get back. BOSS NASS: All right? GUARD #1: Right. We'll
stay here until you get back. GUARD #2: Hic! BOSS NASS: And, uh, make sure he doesn't leave. GUARD #1: What? BOSS NASS: Make sure 'e doesn't leave. GUARD #1: The Captain? BOSS NASS: Yes. Make
sure 'e doesn't leave. GUARD #1: Oh, yes, of course. GUARD #2: Hic! GUARD #1: Ah. I
thought you meant him. You know, it seemed a
bit daft me havin' to guard him when he's a guard. BOSS NASS: Is that clear? GUARD #2: Hic! GUARD #1: Oh, quite clear.
No problems. BOSS NASS: Right. Where
are you going? GUARD #1: We're coming with you. BOSS NASS: No, no. I
want you to stay here and make sure 'e doesn't leave. GUARD #1: Oh, I see. Right. CAPTAIN
TARPALS: But Father! BOSS NASS: Shut your noise, you! And get that suit on! [music] And no singing! GUARD #2: Hic! BOSS NASS: Oh, go and get a glass of water. [clank] [scribble scribble scribble fold fold] [twong] Scene 15 BIB FORTUNA: Well taken, Wuher! WUHER: Thank you, sir!
Most kind. BIB FORTUNA: And again! Over
we go! Good.
Steady! And now, the big one! Uuh! Come
on, Wuher! [thwonk] WUHER: Message for you, sir. [fwump] BIB FORTUNA: Wuher! Wuher! Speak to me!
'To whoever finds this note: I have
been imprisoned by my Father, who wishes me to marry against my will. Please, please, please come and rescue me. I am in the Tall Tower.' At last! A
call! A cry of distress! This could be the sign that leads us to the Holy
Holocron! Brave, brave Wuher, you shall not
have died in vain! WUHER: Uh, I'm-- I'm not quite dead, sir. BIB FORTUNA: Well, you shall not have been mortally wounded in
vain! WUHER: I-- I-- I think I c-- I could pull through, sir. BIB FORTUNA: Oh, I see. WUHER: Actually, I think I'm all right to come with you,
sir-- BIB FORTUNA: No, no, sweet Wuher! Stay here! I
will send help as soon as I have accomplished a daring and heroic rescue in my own
particular... [sigh] WUHER: Idiom, sir? BIB FORTUNA: Idiom! WUHER: No, I feel fine, actually, sir. BIB FORTUNA: Farewell, sweet Wuher! WUHER: I'll, um-- I'll just stay here, then. Shall I, sir?
Yeah. Scene 16 [inside fortress] PRINCESS LEIA
and GIRLS: [giggle giggle giggle] [outside fortress] GUEST: 'Morning! SENTRY #1: 'Morning. SENTRY #2: Oooh. SENTRY #1: [ptoo] BIB FORTUNA: Ha ha! Hiyya! SENTRY #2: Hey! BIB FORTUNA: Hiyya!, Ha!, etc. PRINCESS LEIA
and GIRLS: [giggle giggle giggle] BIB FORTUNA: Ha ha! Huy! GUESTS: Uuh! Aaah! BIB FORTUNA: Ha ha! And
take this! Aah! Hiyah! Aah! Aaah! Hyy! Hya! Hiyya! Ha!... GUARD #1: Now, you're not allowed to enter the room-- aaugh! BIB FORTUNA: O fair one, behold your humble servant, Sir Bib
Fortuna of Coruscant. I have come to take y-- Oh, I'm terribly sorry. CAPTAIN
TARPALS: You got my note! BIB FORTUNA: Uh, well, I-- I got a-- a note. CAPTAIN
TARPALS: You've come to rescue me! BIB FORTUNA: Uh, well, no.
You see, I hadn't-- CAPTAIN
TARPALS: I knew someone would. I knew that somewhere out there... [music] BIB FORTUNA: Well, I-- CAPTAIN
TARPALS: ...there must be... someone... BOSS NASS: Stop that! Stop
that! Stop it!
Stop it! Who are you? CAPTAIN
TARPALS: I'm your son! BOSS NASS: No, not you. BIB FORTUNA: Uh, I am Sir Bib Fortuna, sir. CAPTAIN
TARPALS: He's come to rescue me, Father. BIB FORTUNA: Well, let's not jump to conclusions. BOSS NASS: Did you kill all those guards? BIB FORTUNA: Uh... Oh,
yes. Sorry. BOSS NASS: They cost fifty dataries each! BIB FORTUNA: Well, I'm awfully sorry. Um, I really can explain everything. CAPTAIN
TARPALS: Don't be afraid of him, Sir Bib
Fortuna. I've got a rope all ready. BOSS NASS: You killed eight wedding guests in all! BIB FORTUNA: Well, uh, you see, the thing is, I thought your
son was a lady. BOSS NASS: I can understand that. CAPTAIN
TARPALS: Hurry, Sir Bib Fortuna! Hurry! BOSS NASS: Shut up! You
only killed the bride's Father, that's all! BIB FORTUNA: Well, I really didn't mean to... BOSS NASS: Didn't mean to?!
You put your lightsabre right through his head! BIB FORTUNA: Oh, dear. Is
he all right? BOSS NASS: You even kicked the bride in the chest! This is going to cost me a fortune! BIB FORTUNA: Well, I can explain. I was in the forest, um, riding north from
Coruscant, when I got this note, you see-- BOSS NASS: Coruscant? Are
you from, uh, Coruscant? CAPTAIN
TARPALS: Hurry, Sir Bib Fortuna! BIB FORTUNA: Uh, I am a Knight of the Jedi Temple, sir. BOSS NASS: Very nice, Coruscant. Uh, very good Dewback country. BIB FORTUNA: Is it? CAPTAIN
TARPALS: Hurry! I'm ready! BOSS NASS: Would you, uh, like to come and have a drink? BIB FORTUNA: Well, that-- that's, uh, awfully nice of you,... CAPTAIN
TARPALS: I am ready! BIB FORTUNA: ...um, I mean to be so understanding. [thonk] Um,... [woosh] CAPTAIN
TARPALS: Oooh! BIB FORTUNA: ...I'm afraid when I'm in this idiom, I sometimes
get a bit, uh, sort of carried away. BOSS NASS: Oh, don't worry about that. CAPTAIN
TARPALS: Oooh! [splat] Scene 17 GUESTS: [crying] BOSS NASS: Well, this is the main hall. We're going to have all this knocked through and
made into one big, uh, living room. GUEST: There he is! BOSS NASS: Oh, bloody hell. [exciting music] BIB FORTUNA: Ha ha ha! Hey! Ha ha! BOSS NASS: Hold it! Stop
it! Hold it!
Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold
it! Please! BIB FORTUNA: Sorry. Sorry. You see what I mean? I just get carried away. I'm really most awfully sorry. Sorry! Sorry,
everyone. GUEST #1: He's killed the best man! GUESTS: [yelling] BOSS NASS: Hold it! Hold
it! Please!
Hold it! This is Sir Bib Fortuna from
the Jedi Temple of Coruscant, a very brave and influential Jedi Knight, and my special
guest here today. BIB FORTUNA: Hello. GUEST: He killed my auntie! GUESTS: [yelling] BOSS NASS: Please! Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who. We are here today to witness the union of two
young people in the joyful bond of the holy wedlock.
Unfortunately, one of them, my son Captain Tarpals, has just fallen to his death. GUESTS: Oh! Oh,
no! BOSS NASS: But I don't want to think I've not lost a son, so
much as... gained a daughter! [clap clap clap] For, since the tragic death of her
Father-- GUEST #2: He's not quite dead! BOSS NASS: Since the near fatal wounding of her Father-- GUEST #2: He's getting better! BOSS NASS: For, since her own Father, who, when he seemed
about to recover, suddenly felt the icy hand of death upon him. BRIDE'S FATHER: Uugh! GUEST #2: Oh, he's died! BOSS NASS: And I want his only daughter to look upon me as
her old dad, in a very real and legally binding sense. [clap clap clap] And I feel sure that the merger-- er,
the union between the Princess and the brave, but dangerous, Sir Bib Fortuna of
Coruscant-- BIB FORTUNA: What? GUEST #2: Look! The
dead Prince! GUESTS: Oooh! The
dead Prince! WUHER: He's not quite dead. CAPTAIN
TARPALS: No, I feel much better. BOSS NASS: You fell out of the Tall Tower, you creep! CAPTAIN
TARPALS: No, I was saved at the last minute. BOSS NASS: How?! CAPTAIN
TARPALS: Well, I'll tell you. [music] BOSS NASS: Not like that!
Not like that! No! Stop it! GUESTS: [singing] He's
going to tell! He's going to tell!... BOSS NASS: Shut uuup! GUESTS: [singing] He's
going to tell!... BOSS NASS: Shut up! GUESTS: [singing] He's
going to tell!... BOSS NASS: Shut up! GUESTS: [singing] He's
going to tell!... BOSS NASS: Not like that! GUESTS: [singing] He's
going to tell! He's going to tell! He's going to tell!
He's going to tell!... WUHER: Quickly, sir! GUESTS: [singing] He's
going to tell!... WUHER: Come this way! GUESTS: [singing] He's
going to tell! He's going to tell!... BIB FORTUNA: No! It's
not right for my idiom! GUESTS: [singing] He's
going to tell about his great escape... BIB FORTUNA: I must escape more... [sigh] GUESTS: [singing] Oh,
he fell a long, long way,... WUHER: Dramatically, sir? BIB FORTUNA: Dramatically! GUESTS: [singing] But
he's here with us today... BIB FORTUNA: Heee! Hoa! [crash] Hoo! GUESTS: [singing] What
a wonderful escape! BIB FORTUNA: Excuse me. Could,
uh-- could somebody give me a push, please? Scene 18 [Mace Windu music] [clop clop clop] [rewr!
rewr! rewr! rewr! rewr! rewr!] MACE: Old crone! [rewr!] [music stops] Is there anywhere in this town where
we could buy a Mynock? [dramatic chord] OLD CRONE: Who sent you? MACE: The Knights Who Say 'Ni'. CRONE: Aggh! No! Never! We
have no Mynocks here. MACE: If you do not tell us where we can buy a Mynock,
my friend and I will say... we will say... 'ni'. CRONE: Agh! Do
your worst! MACE: Very well! If
you will not assist us voluntarily,... ni! CRONE: No! Never! No 1Mynocks! MACE: Ni! CRONE: [cough] LOBOT: Nu! MACE: No, no, no, no, i-- LOBOT: Nu! MACE: No, it's not that.
It's 'ni'. LOBOT: Nu! MACE: No, no. 'Ni'. You're not doing it properly. No. LOBOT: Ni! MACE and LOBOT: Ni! MACE: That's it. That's
it. You've got it. MACE and LOBOT: Ni! CRONE: Ohh! LOBOT: Ni! MACE: Ni! CRONE: Agh! LOBOT: Ni! MACE: Ni! LOBOT: Ni! MACE: Ni! LOBOT: Ni! HOLDME THE
CHEWIE: Are you saying 'ni' to that old
woman? MACE: Erm,... yes. HOLDME: Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians
can say 'ni' at will to old ladies. There is
a pestilence upon this land. Nothing is
sacred. Even those who arrange and design Mynocks are under considerable economic stress
at this period in history. MACE: Did you say `Mynocks’? HOLDME: Yes. Mynocks
are my trade. I am a Mynocker. My name is 'Holdme the Chewie'. I arrange, design, and sell Mynocks. LOBOT: Ni! MACE: No! No,
no, no! No! Scene 19 MACE: O Knights of Ni, we have brought you your Mynock. May we go now? HEAD KNIGHT: It is a good Mynock. I like the suckers particularly,... but there is
one small problem. MACE: What is that? HEAD KNIGHT: We are now... no longer the Knights Who Say 'Ni'. KNIGHTS OF NI: Ni! Shh! HEAD KNIGHT: Shh! We
are now the Knights Who Say `Yo bana pee ho-tah, meendee ya’. RANDOM: Ni! HEAD KNIGHT: Therefore, we must give you a test. MACE: What is this test, O Knights of-- knights who till
recently said 'ni'? HEAD KNIGHT: Firstly, you must find... another Mynock! [dramatic chord] MACE: Not another Mynock! RANDOM: Ni! HEAD KNIGHT: Then, when you have found the Mynock, you must
place it here beside this Mynock, only slightly higher so you get the two-level effect
with a little path running down the middle. KNIGHTS OF NI: A path! A
path! A path!
Ni! Shh! Knights of Ni!
Ni! Ni!
Shh! Shh!... HEAD KNIGHT: Then, when you have found th |