| Monty
Python/Newbold Hicks Productions Life
of Anakin TATOOINE.
IN A SMALL SPEEDER PEN IN THE TOWN OF MOS ESPA, A SIMPLE SLAVE WOMAN HAS JUST GIVEN BIRTH
TO A BABY. AS SHE SLEEP ON A STOOL, THREE ROBED FIGURES SNEAK INTO THE BUILDING... Anakin:
Uhuhlk! Jedi
1: Excuse me. MOTHER
FALLS OFF STOOL Mother:
Uhooh! Who are you? Jedi
1: We are three Jedi Masters. Mother:
What? Jedi
2: We are three Jedi Masters. We are wise in the ways of the Force. Mother:
Well, what are you doing creeping into a speeder garage at two o'clock in the morning?
That doesn't sound very wise to me. Jedi
3: We are the defenders of the Old Republic. Jedi
2: We have come from Coruscant. Mother:
Is this some kind of joke? Jedi
1: We wish to scan the infant for midichlorians. Jedi
2: We must scan him. Mother:
Scan? You're all drunk! It's disgusting! Out! Come on, out! MOTHER
STARTS TO USHER THE JEDIS TO THE DOOR Jedi
1: No... Mother:
Barge in here with tales about the Jedi Order. Come on, out! Jedi
1: No, no, we must see him! Mother:
Go and scan someone else's brat! Go on! Jedi
2: We...we were led by a prophecy! Mother:
Led by a bottle more like! Go on, out! Jedi
2: Well, well, we must see him, we have brought presents! Mother:
Out! Jedi
1: Crystal, Spice and poodoo! Mother:
Well, why didn't you say? He's over there. Sorry the place is a...bit of a mess. Well,
what is poodoo anyway? Jedi
3: It is a valuable balm. Mother:
A balm?! What are you giving him a balm for? It might bite him! Jedi
3: What? Mother:
That's a dangerous animal! Quick, throw it in the trough! Jedi
2: No, it isn't! Mother:
Yes, it is! It's great big ugly... Jedi
1: No, no, no, it is an ointment. Mother:
Oh, well, there is an animal called a balm, or did I dream it? So you're Jedi's, are you?
Well, what is he then? Jedi
1: Hm? Mother:
What species is he? Jedi
1: Ehm... human. Mother:
Ah, human, eh? What are they like? Jedi
1: Oh, well, he's the chosen one. He will bring balance to the Force. Jedi
2: The most powerful of Jedis! Mother:
And that's human, is it? Jedi
1: Ehm, no, no, no, that's just him! Mother:
Oh, I was going to say, otherwise there'd be a lot of them. Snhff. Jedi
2: By what name are you calling him? Mother:
Uhm, Anakin. All
three Jedi Masters: We scan you, oh Anakin, who are the prophecy made real. Praise unto
you, Anakin, and to the Old Republic. Mother:
Do you do a lot of this, then? Jedi
1: What? Mother:
This scanning. Jedi
1: No, no...no, no. Mother:
Oh, well, ehm, if you're dropping by again, do pop in, huh. And thanks a lot for the
Crystals and Spice, ahm, but don't worry too much about the poodoo the next time, all
right? Huh. Thank you! Goodbye! MOTHER
SEES THE MEN OUT. THEY STAND OUTSIDE AND GRUMBLE. THEY CHECK THE SCAN RESULTS. Jedi
1: Hold on... that's not the Chosen one! MOTHER
CHECKS OUT THE GIFTS Mother:
Well, weren't they nice? Hm! Out of their bloody minds, but still, look at that! THE
JEDI MASTERS COME BACK IN AND START TAKING BACK THE GIFTS Mother:
Hohoho... hey! Hey! Hey, that...that's mine! Hey! Hey, you could hate me, hey! Ourrgh! Anakin:
Aiihaih! Mother:
Shut up! MOTHER
SLAPS BABY Anakin:
Aih! MONTY
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