Pitch Black Room
2002 short story by Jonathan Hicks Fifteen years after Episode IV – A New Hope Why won’t you answer me? Is there anyone there? Hey! Look, I know there’s got to
be someone listenin’. Don’t think that slammin’ me up in a pitch-black room with
no light or sound is goin’ to phase me in the slightest. Just tell me what
you want! It’s hot, I’m hungry and I want out! Just tell me what it is you
want from me. Just tell me! Are there walls in here? Is the floor there? Am I
on a pedestal or somethin’, will I die if I move? Am I still on Yuma? Am I on
a ship, in a buildin’, on a station… oh, come on! Just tell me why I’m here! Remain
calm, Mister Pells. Turn down the volume, willya?
You nearly blew my head off! Remain
calm. Do not move from where you stand. What? What, is there a drop, or traps or somethin’…? You
will remain standing where you are and answer our questions clearly and
concisely. Who are you? What…? Do
not ask us questions. We will ask you for information and you will tell us,
clearly and concisely. How about I write a freckin’ statement? Who
do you work for? Hang on, we’re gonna have to
sort out what this is about, first. Who are you? Where am I? Who
do you work for? Cut me some slack! I don’t
even know why I’m here! I’m not on an op; I’m not workin’ for anyone. You
can’t just grab me and interrogate me; I don’t even know what I’m supposed to
have done! What’s the charge? Who
do you work for? How am I supposed to answer that? What do you mean, who have I worked for, who have I just worked for or who do I work for the most? Who
do you work for? I can’t even see my hand in front of my face. I don’t even know if my eyes are open, for freck’s sake! I told you, I don’t work for anyone! I was just relaxin’ on Yuma, taking a break with my payment, it’s not like I’d done anythin’ wrong! Who
do you work for? Listen to me! Just listen for
a moment! I’d arrested a friend of a gang boss on Chancai, there was no
trouble, I got paid, and that’s it! What’s the problem? I had a job and I did
it! Or was it the shadowin’ of the trial judge last month? Or the raid on the
weapons plant? What am I supposed to have done? Who
do you work for? I don’t work for anybody! Why aren’t you listenin’ to me? What the hell is goin’ on here? What, have I offended you? Did I kill someone you know? Do I owe you money? Who
do you work for? Stop it! Stop it! Stop askin’
me that damed question! I’m a Lawman, I don’t work for anyone but the Setnin
Justice Department, and I’m not working for anyone else! What the hell is
this about! What is it you want? How can I cooperate if I don’t know what the
hell it is you want! Hello? Hello? Are you there? Hey! What the hell is this? Are
you there? Hey! Hey! Remain
calm, Mister Pells. If you move you will fall off your pedestal. It is a long
fall. Wha…? I… what? Have
you, or do you intend to, carry out any missions against any of the
organisations currently operating within the Setnin Sector? Like what? You’ll have to be… Do
you intend to carry out missions to sabotage, damage or otherwise hinder the
operations of the legitimate businesses Chancai, Luronsa or Cawbate? Oh, when you say ‘legitimate’
you mean a ‘gangboss’? Do
you intend to carry out missions to sabotage, damage or… I get it! No! I’m a Lawman,
not a combat specialist. What you’re talkin’ about is the work for crazy
people! Have
you ever been offered a contract to carry out such a mission? No, I haven’t! Look, I don’t know what it is you want, but it sounds to me you’ve got me mixed up with someone else! My name is Elzen Pells, Law Officer, Setnin Sector Justice Quadrant Six, number 3524695874. Do you know the penalty for the incarceration and ill treatment of a Setnin Lawman…? Have
you ever been offered a contract to carry out such a mission? What, are you a recordin’? Are you a ‘droid? What the hell is it with you? Why do you keep askin’ me these things? I’ve already told you; Elzen Pells, Law Officer, Setnin Sector Justice… Have
you ever been offered a contract to carry out such a mission? You’re driving me nuts! What
is your connection with the bounty hunter and hired gunman Gern Omik? …What? What
is your connection with the bounty hunter and hired gunman Gern Omik? He… I met him on Yuma, routine scan, trying to pin somethin’ on him. Got nowhere. Is that what this is about? Hello? Why
did you fail to convict Gern Omik of any crime? I couldn’t get anythin’ on him. But
he had committed several crimes on worlds throughout the Setnin Sector. Why
did you fail to convict him? I told you I couldn’t get
anythin’ on him. He may be bad news throughout the sector, but he’d done
nothin’ we could do him for on Yuma. Not the right Justice Quadrant, not the
jurisdiction. That
is not acceptable. Hey, I didn’t write the
rules, moron! If half the Justice Department wasn’t on the take then the
rules would govern the whole sector, and not the little bits the ganglords
want! That
is a highly dangerous accusation. Hold on – you’re the Law? You
are, aren’t you? Why else would you ask me about Gern? Why else would you
find the lack of conviction ‘unacceptable’! You sons o’ womp rats! Do you
think I let Gern Omik go? Do you think I let the charges drop, or covered
them over, or just didn’t follow them up? What the hell do you take me for?
You sons o’ womp rats! Calm
down, Mister Pells. I damn well will not! You let
me out of here right now! I’ll be damned if I’m gonna stand here and listen
to this pudu! Calm
down, Mister Pells. Bite me! I bet you’re going
to use me as the guy who takes the fall, aren’t you? I bet you let him go
after a nice profitable chat with a gang, but now you need someone to blame
so that the accusation doesn’t come back to you! What better way to get rid
of an honest Lawkeeper! You
misunderstand. Oh, I bet I do! You
misunderstand. We are not here to blame or charge you with anything. We are
here to ascertain the facts. About what? About
the effectiveness of your abilities, and the effectiveness of the Setnin
Justice Department. Gern Omik was allowed to go free because of the SJD
system. Changes have to be made. Then why the deception? Why
the dark room? We
do not know which agents are ‘on the take’ as you put it. We are not sure which agencies scattered about the
Setnin Sector are compromised. We need to be sure that the first few
Lawkeepers we employ are trustworthy and passionate about their
responsibilities. So you throw me in black room
and grill me. Did I pass the test? You
are very passionate about your role in the SJD. Your bio suggests that the
reasons are very personal and that you would be difficult to compromise. Too right. Are you goin’ to
let me out of here now? No,
Mister Pells. Not just yet. Oh, for… what the hell now? We
must now ascertain whether you would be suitable for a command role in the
new justice system. What? Are you kiddin’ me? Have
you ever had to take command of an SJD operation? Let me out of here! Have
you ever had to take command of an SJD operation? Look, I’ve answered your
questions and I’ve had enough! If you want me to join, let me join! Let me
the hell out of here! Have
you ever had to take command of an SJD operation? Yes! Yes! On Wennicas, a raid
on an abandoned scrap merchants, rooting out DL-5 smugglers. The Ex-O was
fried and I was the next in line. I went in, with the guys, only one casualty
on the smugglers side, eighteen arrests, fifteen convictions. Happy? A
very succesful operation. Please explain the details behind the incident on
Histai. Histai? Histai.
There was an operation on the world of Histai. I don’t know anythin’ about
that. You
and three other Lawkeepers were assigned to a deep cover operation in an ore
mine to investigate slave labour. Don’t know anythin’ about
that. I’ve never been to Histai. The
operation lasted one standard month. You can go on and on about it
as much as you like, but I wasn’t involved. Give
us the details, Mister Pells. When was I supposed to be on
Histai? Eighteen
standard weeks ago. Eighteen standard… nope,
sorry, if my memory serves me I was on Chinngard chasin’ down a parole
violator. Never been to Histai. Besides, they’re not a non-affiliated world,
way out of even the whole SJD jurisdiction. Which
was why Histai officials bought you in under the codename ‘Muscle Speeders’
and allowed you to carry out your assignment in secrecy. As I understand it,
yourself and your colleagues bought a slave operation worth over two million
credits down. If you say so. Someone
obviously likes to blow my tubetrumpet for me. I’ve never been there. Very
good, Mister Pells. You are fully aware of your responsibilities and your
required duty. We are more than happy to accept you into the new SJD. We
shall now gradually bring up the lights so that your eyes adjust accordingly. At last… ouch, that burns…
so, I’m in a large room, very bland. I’m not over a fall, you liars! It’s a
one-meter drop off my pedestal – onto crash-mats! You connivin’ little…! We
had no intention of harming you, Mister Pells. We had to be sure you were
safe but under the illusion of danger. You performed admirably. Where are you… oh, a secret
door in the wall… so, we meet at last. A Twi’lek, huh? I supposed I should
have guessed with the eloquent speech. We
meet face to face, Mister Pells. My apologies for the treatment. Welcome to
the new undercover Setnin Central Justice Agency. Come with me, please, and
we’ll brief you fully. Sure. Oh, one more thing… Yes? You’re under arrest. What?
I… where did you get that blaster? We’ve been lookin’ for the
so-called Setnin Central Justice Agency for some time. Recruitin’ solid
Lawmen to do what they thought was undercover work, whereas they were really
doin’ trash jobs for the gangs. I knew I’d get your attention on Yuma with
the Gern Omik business; just the slightest glimmer I was crooked would make
me a candidate. But
we… Don’t bother. I don’t know how you got into my files and found out about the Histai job, but I’m going to remedy that. You’re coming with me, tailhead. We
can pay you… Save it. Heard it, refused it, locked it away a hundred times before. It’s
not fair. Shut it and move. I’m taking you to a little dark room all of your own… Pitch Black Room
2002 short story by Jonathan Hicks Fifteen years
after Episode IV – A New Hope Histories – A tale
many years on from his previous outing in Port
Rats, this shows Elzen Pells
in his guise as a Lawkeeper,
tracking down and trapping an illegal operation. A part of the legitimate law operation in the Setnin Sector, Pells is one of the very
first genuine law keepers to be featured in a Lightsabre story – a man
at odds with the established power and firmament of the Setnin underworld. Cast of
Characters Elzen Pells |