Revocation of Independence

Revocation of Independance

Official Document #thx-1138-4eb

To the citizens of the Republic, in light of your failure to elect a Supreme Chancellor and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Emperor Palpatine will resume monarchical duties over all systems, sectors and other territories. Except Hoth, which he does not fancy. Your new Governor (Grand Moff Tarkin, for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a galaxy outside your borders) will appoint a minister for your sector (the Setnin Sector) without the need for further elections. The Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to becoming a member of the New Order, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1 - You should look up "Coruscant" in the Encyclopedea Galactica. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary".

2 - There is no such thing as "Outer Rim Basic". We will let the Imperial Institute for Vocabulary know on your behalf.

3 - You should learn to distinguish between Tatooine and Naboo accents. It really isn't that hard.

4 - Chollywood will be required occasionally to cast alien actors as the
good guys.

5 - You should relearn your original galactic anthem, "Deity Save The Emperor", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6 - You should declare war on Nal Hutta and Nar Shadar, using nuclear weapons if they give you any poodu. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a galaxy outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Janites have never been the bad guys. "Poodu" is Huttese for
"shit".

7 - The fourth day of the seventh month is no longer a public holiday. The eighth day of the eleventh month will be a new planetary holiday, but only on Coruscant. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

8 - All Republic-built landspeeders are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you Incom-built landspeeders you will understand what we mean.

9 - Please tell us who killed Darth Maul.