Worst Things to Say to Darth Vader

Words of wit and wisdom by Mark Newbold

 

 

It’s a commonly known fact that for a comedian, Darth Vader makes a good gynecologist.  The Lord–formerly-known-as-Anakin has been the cause of more misery than passing out on a first date, kissing toadstools or eating 80-year-old pie.  Let’s face it; Darth has got a face even his mother couldn’t love.  So, in tribute to the baddest dude in the galaxy (after Wicket W Warwick of course) here are a list of things NOT to say to the dark Lord of the sith…

 

Things Not to Say to Darth Vader

 

  1. “...And you think YOU'VE got problems!”

 

  1. "Hey Vadey-baby, love the new pad. Great view of Coruscant. Hope you like the moving in present." *sound of wrapping paper being opened * "It's one of those really cool 70's style lava lamps...hey, what's the matter man, you got a problem with lava? No, no, NO...ARRGGHH!!!"

 

  1. “Do you know pink is the new black?”

 

  1. “I use to have a fender that looked like you...”

 

  1. “Do you use Turtle wax or boot polish?”

 

  1. “That metal thing over your mouth.  Is that one of those George Foreman grills?”

 

  1. “Oh I’m sorry, I thought it was all a fashion statement.”

 

  1. “Can I borrow your helmet, it’s Halloween and I want to go scare some kiddies.”

 

  1. “I heard the funniest thing today.  Someone told me your nickname was Annie!!”

 

  1. “Hey, yo!   Man in black!  Sing Ring of Fire!”

 

 

 

 

10 things NOT to buy Darth Vader for his next birthday:
1 - A hockey mask
2 - A bread making kit
3 - Fluffy dice for his TIE fighter
4 - An "I love Jar Jar Binks" window sticker
5 - Pictures of Carrie Fisher in the metal bikini
6 - Weird Al Yankovic's Greatest Hits
7 - 258,000 parking spaces for his Super Star Destroyer
8 - Viagra
9 - A tutu
10 - An inhaler