IN AN unprecedented move a source close to Dubstar has come forward to reveal the embarrassing truth of the band's origins, before they met Blackwood, before they were even The Joans. SMASHED is the illusion of them being cute fluffy sugar dumplings. SHATTERED is the fallacy that Sarah Blackwood has Always Been There. BLOWN APART are the rumours that are rumoured to be rumours.
THE DUBSTAR WEB GARDEN'S reporter was approached by a close friend of "nice"
Steve Hillier early last week, no longer able to contain the terrible truth he
has lived with for the past several years. "So Dex, Dubstar's t-shirt
bloke," our reporter asked, "can we really publish this?"
"I'm
sure Steve will find it funny," admitted the source.
BOTTOM
THE STORY begins when Steve Hillier was a DJ at Newcastle Polytechnic (an establishment so tarnished by the experience that its name has since been changed to "The University of Northumbria at Newcastle"). At this time our source was doing work experience as a promoter there, and suffered a torrent of haranguing and pestering from Hillier, seeking a first gig for his dodgily-named band Perfect Tone Series. Our source eventually buckled under the pressure and kicked another band off to put Perfect Tone Series on, bottom of the bill. The whole evening was compered by Hillier, who was "quite good".
SAUCE
"IT was all very indie," says our source of "Dubstar"'s very first gig. "Steve was playing guitar and singing, and there was Chris Wilkie on guitar and a drummer and bass." Songs such as Dorian and Week In Week Out were being performed even at this early stage in the gestation of Dubstar, but in a rather different form to today's versions.
STOOLS
OUR SOURCE recalls another early "gig" in dangerous Newcastle beer shop The Dog and Parrot (another establishment so darkened by the Perfect Tone Series experience that its identity had to be modified - it now trades as The Tut and Shive). By this time rising pop geniuses Hillier and Wilkie had booted out their drummer, and the new line-up is recalled fondly by our source: Chris was on a stool, the bassist was on a stool and Steve was on a stool in the middle. The drummer was replaced by a crap drum machine which sat smugly on a stool at the side. The drum machine was Not Very Good. "It sounded like something off Super Mario Bros," chuckles our source, who by this time was being pestered by Hillier to be the band's manager. "I said no cos I had to do my exams," laments our source, woefully aware of the folly of his decision…
© Neil Hardie 1997.
NOTE FOR THOSE WITH SENSE OF
HUMOUR FAILURE: The dubstar details are true, but the style of writing is Just
For Fun...