| ISSUE 1 | SEPTEMBER 1998 |
| GOD TO STEP DOWN
God, the Supreme Being of the Universe, is to resign. A press release from Heaven yesterday confirmed the rumours that He would be leaving office. It states: "God will be stepping down from his post on Christmas Day, ending a successful and productive term as Heavenly Father." God has held the post for several thousand years, during which He also found the time for a family. However, He frequently expressed how the job left little time for pleasure. Close friend and confidante Joseph Rennie, Bishop of Chester, said yesterday of the private man: "He was always busy. He thought that there were not enough hours in the day, which annoyed Him because He had only Himself to blame." The official word is that God is quitting to "move on to further projects, and take some time to relax." However, the resignation comes in the wake of a period of low public opinion. God's approval ratings have been steadily declining over the past few years, finally falling below 50% last year with public dissatisfaction over the death of Diana, Princess of Wales. Some members of the public even expressed doubts that He even existed. "Who?" said passer-by Jill Charlton. Meanwhile, the search is on for a worthwhile successor. Heaven is being characteristically tight-lipped about the appointment, but it is believed that Robert Redford and Bill Gates are strong competitors for the job. God is known to enjoy golf and the theatre. He is also a bestselling fiction author. |
IN THIS ISSUE Blinking harmful, claims medical report Scientist injured in Edinburgh lab food fight Beatles to reform for final Wembley concert Oxford dictionary in fresh linguistic debate ARCHIVES Back issues of Pulp Palindrome (coming shortly) |
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