"A Room with an Alan"

"The string-back just gives you a bit of extra purchase."

Alan's living in a hotel as his wife's thrown him out in favour of a gym instructor. Things aren't going well career wise but all this could change as he has a lunch appointment with Tony Hayes the commisioning editor for the BBC at the end of the week so Alan decides to buy a house.




WRITTEN BY: Peter Baynham, Steve Coogan, Armando Iannucci

DIRECTOR: Dominic Brigstocke

PRODUCER: Armando Iannucci


Alan Partridge: Steve Coogan
David Clifton: Phil Cornwell
Susan: Barbara Durkin
Michael: Simon Greenal
Lynn: Felicity Montagu
Sophie: Sally Phillips
Tony Hayes: David Schneider
Peter Linehan: Terence Booth
Estate Agent: Philip Fox
Waiter: Matthew James
Stephen Brai: David Prescott



Alan's facts of the day:

  • "Crabsticks" do not actually contain any crab and from 1993 manufacturers have been legally obliged to label them "Crab flavoured sticks".
  • Most corn flakes come from the U.S.A.

Alan's playlist:
"Big Yellow Taxi" by Joanie Mitchell.
Electric Light Orchestra.
"The Man with the child in his eyes" by Kate Bush.
Huey Lewis and the News.

Alan's guest:
Stephen Brai whose father was the man who invented "cats eyes".

On the phones:
A simple man from Swaffham.

7:00 - David Cliffton





Sub-human scum swore all over my car "COCK PISS PARTRIDGE". What is that anyway? Hanging's too good for them, Batards. Fortunately Michael managed to change it to "COOK PASS BABTRIDGE" which… is better.

I blame the parents.

The dinner with Tony Hayes goes badly.

Alan's programme ideas


A detective series based in Norwich. Swallow is a detective who tackles vandalism. Bit of a Maverick, not afraid to break the law if he thinks it's necessary - he's not a criminal - but he will, perhaps, travel at 80 miles an hour on the motorway if, for example he wants to get somewhere quickly. No one had heard of Oxford before 'Inspector Morse'. This will put Norwich on the map.

Alan Attack

Like the 'Cook Report' but with a more slapstick approach.

Arm Wrestling with Chaz and Dave

Knowing M.E. Knowing You

I, Alan Partridge, talk to M.E. sufferers about their condition. We intersperse it with their favourite pop-songs, make it light hearted, give them a platform, you've got to keep the energy up.

Innercity Sumo

Take fat people from the inner cities, put them in big nappies, then get them to throw each other out of a circle that we draw with chalk on the ground. Very cheap to make, you could do it in a pub car park.

Cooking in prison

A Partrdge Amongst the Pigeons

Errrr… Opening sequence: Me in Trafalgar Square feeding the pigeons going 'Oh God!'.

Youth Hosteling with Chris Eubank

Monkey Tennis

"Smell my cheese!"

Bit of a mini-bar accident.


© Chris Lambert 1998