Pulp Palindrome

Cannibalism Digest

Hi, I'm Fred Talbot and I'd like to introduce you all to my regular column about a subject that seems to be overlooked quite frequently in today's modern media - cannibalism.

I, myself, have been a cannibal for over twelve years and find the lack of literature on this topic frustrating. Just before we start, however, I'd like to just address a quick point; this is not a column based around the group the "Fine Young Cannibals" but the act of eating human flesh as portrayed in the film "The Silence of the Lambs". The "Fine Young Cannibals" are not, to my knowledge, cannibals and have never eaten human flesh (at least not swallowed it).

Cannibalism started as early as 12 BC when families would have a child every year to give themselves a larger meal at Christmas. In some cultures in the rainforests this practice still continues today.

Cannibalism really caught on, however, after Jesus began his crusade. Jesus Christ, a devout cannibal and Jew, asked his followers to eat him so he would live on in them after his death, and a possible explanation historians give to the disappearance of his body was that he was eaten by his friends.

The court case of Richard Langott set a legal precedent in July 1982 when Langott was cleared of murdering his wife of 20 years due to his cannibalism. Langott, a registered cannibal, said he was "hungry after working all day" and returned home to find his wife, Rachel, had not cooked his meal. Desperate for nourishment he had killed her and eaten her. Richard was let off as the judge ruled he acted in self-defence - in that had he not eaten his wife she may have let him starve to death.

Such occurrences are rare, however, and most cannibals rely on a net of friends to keep them in a supply of food.

So how do you get into cannibalism professionally? Well a good start is the Association for Heterosexual Cannibalism, the AHC, whose address can be found at the end of this article. They'll be pleased to send you any information you like; such as how to get on the UK's National Register of Cannibals. Alternatively you could write to Martin Garsnuff MP the head of the government's cannibal department at Whitehall.

Cannibalism isn't just for the rich few - cannibalism is for everybody, so why not at least try it? It'll be worth your while.

The address for AHC (Association for Heterosexual Cannibalism) is:

24 Marsden Drive,
Chelmsford,
Berkshire,
BK14 6DP

Please enclose an SAE.

FAMOUS CANNIBALS

Jesus Christ

King George III

Adolf Hitler

Cliff Richard

Paul McCartney

The Drummer from "Space"

CANNIBAL TIMELINE

12 BC - Earliest records of cannibalism

0 BC - Jesus Christ Born

33 AD - Jesus eaten by followers (conjectural)

1939 - First world war against a cannibal

1974 - AHC founded

1978 - First annual "Cannibalise the world" meeting

1982 - Langott case

1992 - First cannibal in space

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