To: All ladies
From: The plumber who's fed up with putting his hand down our u-bend
File: The blocked toilet
Date: 14 February 1997
Would all ladies please refrain from flushing sanitary towels / tampons down the toilet as it is upsetting both myself and Mr Growler.
Mr Growler has insisted upon a full investigation and would like the culprit found forthwith (a client will be let off with a warning, members of staff will be sacked). Therefore, could you please advise Mr Growler whether you use tampons or towels and advise him of your monthly event so he can be present to ensure that disposal takes place properly.
Please also advise clients upon arrival that a bag will be offered and taken upon departure for inspection.
If you use the toilet in the new offices, please carry your used towel / tampon (discretely - do not swing around as clients may be present in the reception area) through to the other toilet to dispose of the soiled item. If you are in a hurry, please pass to one of the juniors to deal with.
Also, if you should do an enormous pooh (one which rises you more than two inches off the seat), would you please break it up with the toilet brush provided before flushing. As toilet paper also causes blockages, please limit your wipes. This will not be checked, your discretion will be greatly appreciated.
The plumber