| Profession: | Springfield's most prominent shyster. |
| Education and culture: | Attended Harvard, Yale, MIT, Oxford, the Sorbonne, the Louvre - however briefly. |
| Address: | Known to reside at the YMCA. |
| Language: | Marginal command of legalese. |
| Music to his ears: | Ambulance sirens. |
| Quote: | "Wrong!!! You are not fine! You are in constant pain!" |