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| Occupation: | Chief Executive of the town of Springfield. |
| A.K.A: | Diamond Joe Quimby. |
| Duties: | Include polling the electorate; declaring meaningless holidays; fact-finding missions on tropical islands. |
| Pains in rear: | Getting caught with his pants down; Chief Clancy Wiggum; Sideshow Bob. |
| Secret shames: | He is a tax-cheat; wife-swapper; pot smoker; former illiterate. |
| Best pick-up line: | "How would you like a street named after you?" |
| Quote: | "By the way, this young woman is not my wife, but I am sleeping with her. I'm telling you this because I'm comfortable with my womanizing." |