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| Occupation: | Thickly accented Springfield Elementary maintenance man/groundskeeper. |
| Nationality: | Scottish. |
| Hair: | Red and shaggy. |
| Eyebrows: | Red and even shaggier. |
| Physique: | Muscular; |
| Attitude: | Surly, particularly when confronted by Principal Skinner. |
| Carries: | A flask of liquid courage. |
| Favorite problem-solving device: | 12-bore shotgun. |
| Quote: | "There's nary an animal alive that can outrun a greased scotsman!" |